MTV has a show called "Laguna Beach", and another one called "My Super Sweet Sixteen". Laguna Beach follows the lives of "real" teenagers who are rich, spoiled, dumb, and extremely good looking. "My Super Sweet Sixteen" follow sixteen year olds who are rich, spoiled, dumb, and usually not as good looking as their parents have led them to believe. Now let's not get into the subject of whether or not these shows are "reality" shows, that's not what I want to discuss. If you think about that question too much it will ruin these shows for you. And you shouldn't ruin them because they're slightly more addictive than Oxycontin. But let's just say that "Laguna Beach" is about as real as the plot of "Prison Break".
When I was in College, I visited a factory in Elkhart, Indiana. It was the kind of place where a guy had a job where he would have to pull a lever every 15 seconds. That was his entire job. And if he didn't pull it every 15 seconds, his hand would be chopped off by some kind of giant robotic machine. And this particular factory employed a large percentage of the town of Elkhart. It was an interesting visit for me. I came away feeling thankful for these people. Not only were they doing a job I would never do, they were serving a great purpose to our country. You see, a lot of us like cars and TVs and food, and you can't produce that kind of stuff by writing blogs or material for a Mexican comedian. We need these people to make the country work. Without them, we'd be France. What I'm trying to say is that you can't have a country of artists. You need people to do the hard labor, who work in factories, or on farms, or other places where people do stuff none of us want to do. Thank God for them. And what's interesting is that I bet all of them would tell you that they are doing it to provide for their family, and to give their kids "a better life" than the one they have. But what happens when they do the hard work and give their kids this better life? I'll tell you what happens: Laguna Beach and My Super Sweet Sixteen happen. And that's not good.
But is this a better life? Did Old Man Johnson really work his ass off in the mill so that Ciara would perform at his bitchy daughter's birthday? Did he get black lung so that his little angel Kristen would fuck with guys heads "because she can"?
These kids all want to be stars. They want to be famous. They want attention, and MTV is giving it to them. With reality TV, and even worse, 24-hour news channels, these morons are getting more than their 15 minutes in the spotlight. They're winning money on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. They're talking trash with Jose Canseco on the Surreal Life. We've got so much time to fill up, that we actually need a whole lot more idiots than we used to. So now they don't just think they should be stars, they are becoming stars. Our once proud nation is becoming a country full of idiot stars. You are Britney Spears. I am Britney Spears. We are all Brintey Spears. And while I am certainly entertained, I'm also frightened.