My Nightly Hell

This is a transcript of every conversation I have upon meeting new people now:

PERSON
So what do you do?

ME
I'm a writer.

PERSON
(mildly impressed)
Oh really? What do you write? Film? TV?

ME
(self-loathing)
Both.

PERSON
Have you written anything I've seen?

ME
Well, I wrote this movie called "In the Mix".

PERSON
(confused)
In the Mix? Is it getting made?

ME
Yeah. It got made.

PERSON
Wow, that's amazing! You must be so excited!

ME
Sorta.

PERSON
Is that coming out in the theaters?

ME
Yeah.

PERSON
When?

ME
Actually, it came out a couple weeks ago.

PERSON
Really? Who's in it?

ME
Usher.

PERSON
(lying)
Oh, I like him. So it's out in the theaters?

ME
Yep.

PERSON
(lying)
I haven't been to the movies in a long time...
(BEAT)
How'd it do?

ME
Not good.

PERSON
Well, at least a movie you wrote got made. You wrote it yourself, right?

ME
Not really.

PERSON
Oh. Did you sell the script originally?

ME
No. It's kind of a long story.

PERSON
(uncomfortable)
Are you working on anything now?

ME
Well, I write on a show for Comedy Central.

PERSON
Oh, that's cool. What show?

ME
Mind of Mencia.

PERSON
What?

ME
Mind of Mencia.

PERSON
Mind of Mench?

ME
Mencia. It's the name of a comedian, Carlos Mencia.

PERSON
I think I've heard of him. When is that show coming on?

ME
Actually, it's been on. We finished the first season a couple months ago, and the second season comes on next year.

PERSON
Oh. Is it a sitcom?

ME
No. It's kind of like Chappelle's Show.

PERSON
(lying again)
Well, I don't have cable, so...

ME
It does really well, ratings wise.

PERSON
(in no way believing that)
Oh. Congratulations!

The person looks for someone else to talk to.

ME
Waiter? Another 7 and 7, please.