TV Things

Well, after last night's episode, I think it's safe to say that Desperate Housewives is dead. You know it's over when they're stealing my "Desperate Gardeners" bit. Bastards.

Is Lost ever coming back on? Who knew that in real life Sayid was going out with Barbara Hershey? I mean, she's weird and ten years older than him and he's...Sayid.

Flavor Flav is retarded, right? And I don't mean retarded in the "comedy" way like how Tara Reid and Ashlee Simpson are retarded, I mean in the actual medical definition of retarded where someone is, you know, retarded.

And speaking of medical stuff, I think I've reached my limit on medical shows with the "wacky" doctor who is all unorthodox and will try stuff that would never work in real life but works on TV. I just heard this promo, which is exactly like all the other promos: (Narrator) "Has Dr. So and So finally gone too far?" CUT TO: The Doctor coming into the young patient's room where she lies with her mother and the the Doctor says: "I want to give your daughter Viagra!" (Narrator) "On the next Horshit's Anatomy!". I swear that's real. Those writers must be tired of making up fake uses for stuff. In a way it would be more interesting if patients would come in with the symptoms for Chlamydia and then all they actually had was Chlamydia. And the wacky doctor would be like, "Well, it looks like she has chlamydia but let's give her that rare test to see if it's not Ebola" "I'm a whore" "Oh, then it's probably chlamydia."

I saw the greatest ad for a new show on MTV the other night, it's going to be the next "Breaking Bonaduce" only even more disturbing. It follows Ashley Angel's attempt at a career comeback. Who is Ashley Angel you ask? A porn star? Nope. A hooker? Nope. A porn star/hooker? Wrong again. Ashley Angel is one of the dudes from that fucking horrific group "O-Town", and yes, he's a dude! And his name is Ashley Angel! It was the best preview. Holy crap, this guy is such a piece of shit, and I might be a piece of shit just for wanting to watch him and his miserable life but i'm perfectly fine with that. You see, he's all sad because O-Town is over and he didn't make any money, so now he lives on his girlfriend's mom's couch. Oh, and his girlfriend is pregnant. So of course he's working on his new album, only now his hair is all grown out and long and his album is going to "rock". Yeah, douchebag, the only thing that is going to rock is your head when you're in concert and people throw rocks at it (that one worked better in my head). First of all, the hair? That only signified "rock" in the eighties and now all it means is that you look like the fourth Hanson brother. Second of all, have you not been following Nick Carter's career? Cause he did the exact same thing, hair and all, about two years ago and failed miserably, and he was in a group that was actually successful. The show looks so good though. He gets in a fight at a bar and a guy whacks him in the head and he tries to punch the guy back in the stomach and it's horrible. Thank you, MTV!

The only thing that makes me mad about this show is the possibility that this guy becomes famous off this, which is a recent trend I hate. I miss the old days, when if you were a loser and a laughingstock you couldn't turn that around into some kind of fame. If you made "From Justin to Kelly", it was over for you, for the both of you. It seems like the adults understand what's going on and abhor these people and make fun of them, but the young teenagers are confusing things and making them famous, and then the paparrazzi are taking pictures of them and putting them in magazines, and then before we all know it, these people are "stars". God, if you grant me one wish this 2006, please don't let this very scenario happen with Ashley Angel, he's earned his spot in non-fame, no money, hell, let him rest in peace there.