Important Information for Dog "Lovers"

I heard this story on the news the other day about a missing dog in Queens, New York. I had actually heard the story before but tried to ignore it, but this time I couldn't. If you don't know it, here it is from ABC News (where I heard it):

MISSING DOG MYSTERY CONSUMES NEW YORK

March 23, 2006 — The mystery of Vivi, the prize-winning pooch who bolted from her crate after the Westminster dog show last month, has captivated New Yorkers.

Port Authority police, dog lovers, multiple psychics, and a pet detective from Oklahoma have all been drawn into the search for Vivi, whose full name is Champion Bohem C'est La Vie.

The dog's co-owner Jil Walton flew to New York from California after the increase in Vivi sightings of late, and has been walking about the woods trying to spread her scent. She's hopeful her $20,000 pampered show dog has been able to survive on her own for the last five weeks.

Although Walton, and her fiancé, Rick, have been tracking down every tip, not all the information has been helpful. One psychic told them Vivi was on a ship bound for France and wearing a hat. The psychic said not to worry, because the captain of the ship was fond of Vivi.

There is a $5,000 reward for Vivi's safe return. Walton is launching the biggest search yet for the thoroughbred dog this weekend.

Actually, this account of the story leaves out a couple of key facts that were included in the ABC TV version. First of all, the dog was "lossed" while it's owners were at the airport, and it ran away. That's not lost, assholes, that's escaped!

Secondly, it's been spotted several times in New York and the authorities were called, and it ran away from them too. What part of "I don't want to go back to that hell" do you people not understand? I'm not a pet detective, just a simple man who hates animals, yet I completely understand what this dog is doing, why don't you animal "lovers"? I'll tell you why, cause you are some selfish ass motherfuckers. Here's another newsflash for you: dogs don't like you as much as I don't like them. Know how I can tell? Cause at the first opportunity, they are running the fuck away! You shouldn't need a psychic to unlock that mystery.

And the best part about this story is that it happened to a dog "lover" who puts her dog in shows. This is the shit that drives me crazy. Oh really? I'm the pariah of society because I don't want to be around animals? I'm the jackass? How about the psychos that are dressing up their pets and making them juggle? Can y'all leave me the hell alone and focus on these people?

This is what people don't understand about me. I don't want to hurt animals, I just don't want to be around them. In fact, I don't want other people to be around them either. I want to be left alone, and I want animals to be left alone too. I'm the Abraham Lincoln of animals, bitches!

So lady, if you insist on treating your dog like a human, then understand his actions as human. He obviously hates you, and so do I.