Do you smell that? That is the scent of my oncoming unemployment. You know what that means? Even more time for me to waste watching television. Only one problem: it’s the summer, and in the networks infinite wisdom, they have collectively decided not to make new shows during this time of the year. If you want to know how stupid Hollywood is then look no further than this “tradition”. You’d think one enterprising young exec would go “I have an idea, no one is putting on new programming for 3 months, why don’t we put on new shit? There’s no competition!” You know why no one is thinking of that? Because these young execs I speak of have no qualification for their job other than they took shit for 5 years for no pay until their asshole boss got fired and then got the job just because of attrition.
But you'd still think they'd figure it out because when they actually do put a new thing on in the summer it almost always breaks out. Even something as crappy as “Dancing with the Stars” gets popular when there is nothing else to watch. And I don’t have to tell you what happened when 90210 did the whole Beverly Hills Beach Club thing, or when the OC debuted weeks before anything else. It seems so simple. What better way to start a series you, as a network, are enthusiastic about then putting out there when nothing else is on. It is this kind of logical thinking that is the reason I will never make it in Hollywood.
But luckily, there are a handful of new shows this summer. Of course, most of them are not on the “real” networks, but some of them are way better than almost anything on those old fashioned Nazi regimes.
1. Rescue Me
The first of which is my favorite show on TV (other than Lost…and the Bachelor), Rescue Me. This is such an amazing show, why don’t more people talk about it? Oh yeah, cause it’s on FX. And this is what it's like telling people about it:
me: do you guys watch "Rescue Me"?
my parents: No. What channel is that on?
mp: F what?
Me: FX. It's a cable network.
mp: What time is FX on?
Me: No. It's a network. Rescue Me is on it.
mp: I don't understand, is the show Rescue Me or is it FX?
Me: Nevermind. Just watch Deal or No Deal, it's on good ole' NBC.
(SON'S NOTE: My parents are not actually like this)
The first two seasons of this show were so good it’s actually kind of embarrassing for the rest of the entertainment community. This is what you’re banishing to FX, motherfuckers! It’s so much better than all of you! Everything is awesome about this show. The premiere episode was on Tuesday and it looks like there’s more awesomeness to come. And luckily, since it’s on FX, they rerun the snot out of it so if you missed it, or still haven't figured out this whole FX concept, don’t worry.
I love Entourage. We all do. Actually, we all don’t. No one watches this show. I know, Entertainment Weekly and popular culture in general would have you believe that this is a show everyone watches but that's a big fat lie. Of course, everyone I know watches it but apparently no one else in America does. This show is the ying to American Idol’s yang. It’s 5 million times cooler and better and yet America could give a fuck. I blame that whole “middle of the country” people have told me about. I’ve seen pictures and heard stories but I didn’t think it could be real. It is. And normally I wouldn’t care, but it kinda means that there’s more American Idol’s to come and less Entourage’s. That sucks. Listen, middle of the country, if you like American Idol so much, do us all a favor and just go to a fricking karaoke bar and then come home, kick your feet up, and watch Entourage.
If you didn’t know this about me, I am firmly entrenched with Team LC. If you don’t know what that means, then you obviously never watch TV’s version of crack cocaine: Laguna Beach. Laguna Beach is the reason I relate to Whitney Houston, crack maybe whack, but if it’s anything like Laguna, it’s so bad it’s rad (sorry). Anyway, this is the spinoff with my favorite Laguna girl LC. The only hesitancy I have to this show is my knowledge that LC is currently still dating that douchebag Jason. Oh, I fucking hate that guy. But I probably hate him in the same way that I hate every Real World dude, where I’m still compelled to watch them and thus feel better about my own life. Except for I don't get to go out with LC, or have a girlfriend at all really...but I can grow a better beard than him! So suck on that, Jason!
Let’s be honest, there’s only one reason I’m watching this show: Dylan McKay. It’s just a rule at this point, if Luke Perry, Jason Priestley, Brian Austin Green, or any other 90210-er are in a show, I’m watching (exceptions being that evil bitch Brenda and Jennie Garth’s WB show). And I read the trades everyday on the off chance I will see those magic words: “The Ian Ziering Project”. Also, the premise of this show is pretty cool. 20 friends win the lottery and then everything goes to hell. Solid idea. But you do have to wonder why a "regular network" is dumping this thing in the summer. I hope it's good, especially because I hate when a cool idea is wasted. Oh who am I kidding? I hope it's good for Luke's sake.