You know I love Dateline's "To Catch a Predator", right? Well, I've noticed a disturbing pattern. As part of the show, they take you through the online chat their "decoy" has with the "predator" to try to get him to come over. And it seems pretty consistently now that every guy they talk to, at some point in the conversation, takes a picture of his dick and shows it to her.
That's pretty weird to me. In fact, trying to fuck a 13 year is way less weird than showing a girl a picture of your penis and thinking that's going to make her want to fuck you. I don't care if that thing has a tuxedo on and a dab of cologne, it's still a penis. And the only thing a penis is ever attracting is hep C (rim shot!).
Seriously, even for the biggest penis enthusiasts, calling the penis good looking is a tough sell. The penis is not pretty. It's not like a boob or something, it’s a penis. It’s useful, sure, it’s kind of amazing when you think about it, but it’s not cute. And a standard size, normal penis is more like a bonus later, you know? It’s the cherry on top. Okay, this guy’s got a good sense of humor, a good job, doesn’t seem that creepy, I’ve had a couple drinks, I haven’t sex in awhile, I guess I’ll fuck him. Then the pants get unzipped and “hey, his penis isn’t bad!” You see, she’s already going to fuck him, the penis was just a happy gift. It doesn’t go the other way – “that guy’s an asshole, he’s not funny at all…” “Yeah, but did she see his penis!”
Maybe trying to fuck 13 year olds on the internet isn't the real problem for these guys. Maybe they just don't know how to pick up women, because let me tell you something: showing the penis up front never, ever works. Maybe they’re dabbling in the youngsters because grown up women know to not have sex with the wiener showing guy. Maybe the only girls who fall for that are in the 7th grade. So if we could just teach these bastards how to shake hands with a girl not using their dick, Chris Hanson would be out of a job.