When my dad was my age, he was married with 3 kids. I live alone and can't take care of my shirts. They're all wrinkly and shit.
Anyway, I have a nephew. He's 2 and a half. His name is Toots McGee. Why? Cause he toots a lot and for some reason McGee is a good comedy last name. He's a big fan of 3 things: The movie "Cars", the Wiggles, and the movie "Cars". Oh, and also juice. He loves juice.
So with my VIP membership to Ticketmaster, I was able to snare some orchestra section duckets to the Wiggles concert at Gibson Amphitheater on Saturday. It was our first big outing together, other than the time I told him I had to go pee pee and he ran into the bathroom to helpfully put his potty trainer on the toilet for me.
As we drove to the concert he kept saying "We're going to see riggles!". And then I would do my favorite thing and say "Toots!" and he would go "McGee!!!" But when I said, "do you know that you're Toots McGee? And he goes "I'm not Toots McGee, I'm me". But he's still Toots McGee.
We got inside and the first thing I see is a "stroller parking lot". I've never seen so many strollers in my life. And then we get where the seats and the stage are and it was like a switch was flicked on in his little brain. His neck snapped over to the stage and he did not turn away for the next 2 hours.
How do these freaks know what little kids like? It's kinda creepy. It's not kinda, it is creepy. The whole thing was like the dark side of the entertainment business. You know after the show these people wash the makeup off their face, rent a hooker, hit the hotel fridge and start throwing back mini-bottles and cry about how they're "real musicians". The Wiggle who plays guitar started playing the opening chords to "Stairway to Heaven" at one point, just to show that he could. We know, man, we know.
Now I understand why it's so tempting for parents to make their kids like what they like. The whole time I'm like "Toots, can't you see The Wiggles are garbage? Can't you see that?! We could be at the House of Blues watching DJ Quik right now!" But whatever, Toots doesn't like DJ Quik, he likes the "Riggles".
The reason he looks pissed off is because taking this picture forced him to avert his eyes from the stage for 2 seconds.