Mark Consuelos' Teeth

I think I can enjoy any show that uses "The Bachelor" format and features Kelly Ripa's husband and his incredible teeth. Seriously, did anyone see this? He looked like Ross in that episode of "Friends" where he gets his teeth whitened and they glow in the dark.

How can you go wrong with "Cougars vs. Kittens!"? If you missed it, here's basically how the show went:

Mark P. didn't know he was coming on a show like this, so when he met all the old women he was shocked, but rolled with it. The rest of the episode was him with the older women, leading him to believe that this was the entire show.

Meanwhile, the youngsters were hidden away and then revealed at the very end, to everyone's (except for America's) shock. So we didn't really get to see the youngsters, only briefly.

A couple problems jumped out though as soon as the show got going:

1. If you're going to do an honest show, you can't find the hottest, most intelligent 40 something women, and then have semi-cute, dumb 20 something women. You have to find the best of both or else the show is bogus - I'm not saying that's what they did, I'm just saying there's potential for it.

2. You can't have the bachelor be too good. And I don't mean this as an insult to the older ladies, cause they deserve the best that they can find. However, if you're a 30 year old professional tennis player with a amazing hair, you can pretty much have your pick of whoever you want (and he has - he's gone out with Anna Kournikova for Christ Sakes). And what you want isn't going to be someone who is going through menopause.

So you need to find a bachelor who doesn't have sex with 20 year olds all the time. Somebody who likes older women. Now that's a test. They obviously didn't tell Mark what the show was, but I'm sure in the pre-interviews he's like "I don't care about age!" with no idea that this was going to happen. He seems to care. We'll see.

As for the women, I didn't think the youngsters were all that hot. And a few of the older ladies were hotter. However, I did laugh my ass off when I realized 10 minutes in that I was watching the show on NBC HD, but it wasn't in HD. The old bags must have had "no HD" in their contract.

Here's my opinion of the older ladies on the hotness scale:

I WOULD DATE THEM (ASSUMING THEY'RE NOT CRAZY)

Lynn (40) - I think she is easily the cutest of the bunch. And is definitely hotter than several of the younger girls. Seems not insane thus far, which is always a plus. However, she is a makeup artist, and you always have to be careful of girls who are good with makeup.













Maria (42) - Please note, this is a very good picture. She's borderline, but not too shabby.













I MIGHT HAVE SEX WITH THEM (ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE CRAZY)

Jen (48!!!) - She is a damn fine 48 year old, but that 25 year old son of hers would creep me out. But she's Jerry Buss' (the owner of the Lakers) assistant, which equals a lot of perks. I picture myself at shootarounds with Kobe, and he'd be like "are you the dude banging the 48 year old?" And I'd be like, "hell yeah, Kobe, but I'm also the dude shooting around with Kobe!"













Jayanna (39) - They have pictures of these girls from 20 years ago, and Jayanna was easily the most beautiful. I think she could be other people's favorties, but for some reason she's not really my style.













WOMEN I MIGHT HAVE DATED OR HAD SEX WITH 20 YEARS AGO (THOUGH I'D BE 11)

Kelli (40) - A former Raiderette, you gotta respect that. She has that Marg Helgenberger vibe, which I like, but she's sorta strange looking now.













NO, THANKS...AT ANY AGE (THOUGH YOUR BREASTS ARE INDEED LARGE)

Angela (40) - Just goofy.













Jodie (46) - Jodie was eliminated this episode. She was way too eager and gave him the crazy eyes.