Ranking the Pilots

Sadly, I had the time to watch a shit load of new shows this season. Here's how I ranked them:

THE UGLY

10. "The Big Bang Theory" - I HATE this show. This is the only one I turned off before it was over. Actually, I turned it off `10 minutes into it. So contrived and over written and lame, just shoving these "dorks" down our throat.

9. "Carpoolers" - The show felt really small. There's nothing to it, and it's not particularly funny. What is ABC doing with their sitcoms? They all turn out this way, it's weird. I don't know what this show is, and I'm not going to hang around to find out. Though I will tune in for the inevitable guest appearance by Charlie O'Connell.

8. "Big Shots" - Just embarrassing. Poor Vartan. He's gotta be bummed about Duhamel, right? I mean, they're the same person. And he's in this, and Duhamel's in "Transformers". Of course Duhamel is also in "Las Vegas" and has to live with Fergie so, I guess it's even.

7. "Cavemen" - I really kept an opened mind with this show. I swear, I did. But I really don't get it. I think the tone is right, but what the fuck? They're cavemen. I can barely look at them. I don't care about them. I also don't really get it. Cause I'm just a cavemen, and I was unfrozen and your world fright and confuses me. Like when I see a solar eclipse, like the one I saw at the Four Seasons in Hawaii, I think "oh no, is the moon eating the sun?" I don't know, cause I'm just a caveman. But there is one thing I DO know, and that this show will be canceled.

THE BAD

6. "Bionic Woman" - I was excited to see this show cause the commercials looked good. Boy, was I disappointed. This is one of those shows where you can tell that the executives got in the room, decided to bring back "Bionic Woman" in the age of girl power, and then pieced it together in a completely manufactured, uninspired way - which is interesting since the show is about a person who is put together artificially.

THE GOOD

5. "Chuck" - This show is just so cute, isn't it? Chuck is an endearing dork. Captain awesome is awesome. The blonde spy wears underwear a lot. Except it was all trying so hard to be "so cute". I think the pilot just suffered from over-tinkering (see: Bionic Woman above). It's got a nice sensibility, a catchy premise, and I'm betting that it improves. And I also hope we keep seeing that girl in her underwear.

4. "Life" - Sort of borderline on this show. I just can't get away from the fact that I love, LOVE, the premise. I'm so pissed I didn't come up with it (cop framed, goes to jail for 10 years, gets set free with a huge settlement, goes back on the force to try and find out who set him up). The pilot was not as good as it should've been. It's trying to be too much like "House". The actor is British playing American, and he's real "kooky" and he does things "his own way", his colleagues hate him, Ugh. But I really want to see where this thing goes so I'm going to stick with it. Also, the girl on this used to look a lot different and be on "Dawson's Creek". I must support "The Creek".

3. "Reaper" - Well, the critics were right for once. I was skeptical with the whole Kevin Smith directing thing, but the show is damn good. Well written and funny and a cool premise. However, I am concerned. I really hope it doesn't just turn into a "monster of the week" type show. Cause I hate that shit. It's the reason I never watched "Buffy" or "Smallville". I hope it avoids the whole lame special effects/supernatural monster thing, because it's really not necessary. The show works best when everything is kept real.

2. "Dirty Sexy Money" - I had low expectations of this. I don't know, the premise just didn't appeal to me that much. And I probably wouldn't have watched it but I was at my parents house, and my dad flipped it on and we checked it out. The writing was good. It's funny. And it has what all shows must have these days: a transvestite (see: "Big Shots"). It also has the other thing all shows must have: a "mystery". I don't really care that much about the mystery, but I just flat out enjoyed watching the first hour.

1. "Journeyman" I was trying to think if there's ever been a movie or TV show about time travel that I haven't liked. Only "The Time Machine" sucked, but even it gets special points because Samantha Mumba was in it. Whatever happened to her? Oh, I think she just changed her name to Rihanna. This wasn't a perfect pilot or anything, but I'm into it because he travels through time, and that's pretty much all I need.