There is a charade being played out on American Idol. You can't put a bunch of white kids up against some fat black women in a singing contest! That's like trying to find the best basketball player and pitting the Lakers against the 7 dwarves. Or having a giant head/short arms contest that includes Kelly Clarkson. There's no mystery there, we all know who's gonna win.
And I don't think I need to present facts to back up my case that all fat black women can sing. The evidence is overwhelming - Fantasia, Jennifer Hudson, Aretha, Mariah...and if you've been to a concert in your life I'm sure you noticed who was singing back up. Fat black women.
But I'll be honest, I'm not voting for them. And not just because I'd never, ever vote for any reality show (except maybe "The Bachelor, if they allowed it). Nope. I'd actually vote for the worst singer of the whole group. Cause singing isn't everything, and neither is fat blackness, you've got to have more. And that's why I'm going with crazy/hot/blowjob girl. Why? Perhaps you didn't hear her name: crazy/hot/blowjob girl.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Oscar Recap
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I thought they always did Best Supporting Actress first? I guess they're not even to try to hide the fact that this show sucks. I'm telling you, we're 3 years away from the Golden Globes usurping this bullshit.
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Finally, Best Supporting Actor. Alan Arkin wins! Wow, the Academy really hated "Dreamgirls". So did I. I would say "poor Eddie", but you know what? Fuck you, Norbit.
Hey, it's Jerry Seinfeld! Finally, they have a comedian on the show doing funny jokes.
Has there always been this many awards I don't care about? I have an idea - cut out art direction, makeup, and editing, and let the stars actually give their whole speech.
Hey, it's Gwyneth Paltrow everybody! Remember her? She used to act in movies and look pretty. She actually looks good tonight.
"The Departed" wins Best Adapted Screenplay. Really? It was a great movie and all, but that script had more inconsistencies than Peter O'Toole's face.
The Oscar looks big in everyone's hands...except for Jennifer Hudson's.
There haven't been this many montages on television since Baywatch was on the air.
Reese Witherspoon looks good and all, but in the divorce settlement I think she got partial custody of the kids but full custody of both their chins.
Forest Whitaker wins "Best Actor". Wanna know why so many people want to get into show business? Look at Forest Whitaker's wife.
Helen Mirren wins Best Actress. No surprise there. I seriously consider the following question (which was sorta brought up by Will Ferrell and Jack Black): who would I rather have sex with: Cate Blanchett or Helen Mirren. True, Blanchett is 30 years younger and supposedly "hot", but Mirren has boobs and weighs over 80 pounds. I'm going Mirren.
Martin Scorcese wins for Best Director. Throughout the night, when the winner was announced the Oscar announcer would tell us a fun fact. Favorite fun fact of the night is about Scorcese: "He says "The Departed" is the first film he's directed that had a plot". I laugh, but then think about it, and holy shit he's right! Maybe he should try doing that more often.
"The Departed" wins Best Picture and I'm glad. It's the first year in awhile where the best movie I saw actually won. It's definitely a flawed film, but it was the most enjoyable.
Finally, I know I'm biased here, but Will and Jack had it right - they need to start honoring comedies. "Devil Wears Prada" was a damn good movie, and "Borat" deserved a mention somewhere. If you do a whole movie convincing real people that you're an annoying foreign journalist, how does that not qualify you for Best Actor? Call me crazy, but it's way more difficult to make Talladegha Nights than to make "Babel". That's right, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, that. just. happened!
I thought they always did Best Supporting Actress first? I guess they're not even to try to hide the fact that this show sucks. I'm telling you, we're 3 years away from the Golden Globes usurping this bullshit.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Finally, Best Supporting Actor. Alan Arkin wins! Wow, the Academy really hated "Dreamgirls". So did I. I would say "poor Eddie", but you know what? Fuck you, Norbit.
Hey, it's Jerry Seinfeld! Finally, they have a comedian on the show doing funny jokes.
Has there always been this many awards I don't care about? I have an idea - cut out art direction, makeup, and editing, and let the stars actually give their whole speech.
Hey, it's Gwyneth Paltrow everybody! Remember her? She used to act in movies and look pretty. She actually looks good tonight.
"The Departed" wins Best Adapted Screenplay. Really? It was a great movie and all, but that script had more inconsistencies than Peter O'Toole's face.
The Oscar looks big in everyone's hands...except for Jennifer Hudson's.
There haven't been this many montages on television since Baywatch was on the air.
Reese Witherspoon looks good and all, but in the divorce settlement I think she got partial custody of the kids but full custody of both their chins.
Forest Whitaker wins "Best Actor". Wanna know why so many people want to get into show business? Look at Forest Whitaker's wife.
Helen Mirren wins Best Actress. No surprise there. I seriously consider the following question (which was sorta brought up by Will Ferrell and Jack Black): who would I rather have sex with: Cate Blanchett or Helen Mirren. True, Blanchett is 30 years younger and supposedly "hot", but Mirren has boobs and weighs over 80 pounds. I'm going Mirren.
Martin Scorcese wins for Best Director. Throughout the night, when the winner was announced the Oscar announcer would tell us a fun fact. Favorite fun fact of the night is about Scorcese: "He says "The Departed" is the first film he's directed that had a plot". I laugh, but then think about it, and holy shit he's right! Maybe he should try doing that more often.
"The Departed" wins Best Picture and I'm glad. It's the first year in awhile where the best movie I saw actually won. It's definitely a flawed film, but it was the most enjoyable.
Finally, I know I'm biased here, but Will and Jack had it right - they need to start honoring comedies. "Devil Wears Prada" was a damn good movie, and "Borat" deserved a mention somewhere. If you do a whole movie convincing real people that you're an annoying foreign journalist, how does that not qualify you for Best Actor? Call me crazy, but it's way more difficult to make Talladegha Nights than to make "Babel". That's right, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, that. just. happened!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Britney
This Britney thing is amazing in so many ways. I don't know if we've ever really seen anything like her career. I think maybe the only equivalent would be Michael Jackson, minus the whole kid raping. I mean, look at the similarities:
They both were pushed into performing as children. They got famous young. They shot to the highest of superstardom. Michael has a crazy dad, Britney has a crazy mom. While on the Mickey Mouse club, they both thought Justin Timberlake was hot. And once they started marrying people, they lost their God Damn mind.
So you see, it's very similiar, you just have to trade MJ's pedophilia issues for Brit being the stupidest person in the world.
I've heard a couple people say "it's not that crazy that she shaved her head". Okay, fuck you. It is that crazy! Actually, the even crazier part is her reason for doing it "I just don't want anyone touching me, I'm tired of people touching me!". That's a nervous breakdown, or a drug breakdown, or a nervous/drug/did you see Christina Aguilera at the Grammy's? breakdown. Somewhere, Justin is thanking his lucky stars while boning a chick with a full head of hair. God bless him.
My favorite part of this is: If there was a child custody hearing, I would be confident in selecting any person in the world to go up against Kevin Federline and win. But Britney has somehow managed to make K-Fed look the sane option. That's genius! Next to Britney, K-Fed looks like Phillip Drummond (and he has 2 black kids just like Mr. D). I know "Hit Me Baby One More Time" sold a lot of copies, but that's an even bigger accomplishment.
Seriously though, that should be the next anti-drug commercial. It's Britney with her head shaved and the voice over says: "Drugs: They can make you a less fit parent than Kevin Federline". That would scare the shit out of people and actually work. Suck on that, Nancy Reagan.
I actually have a theory about why she did this though. See if you agree with this: Britney's career is in the toilet, right? She hasn't had a hit in a long time, everyone makes fun of her, she's getting a divorce, etc. But what was the one thing that brought her into the spotlight, that got her a huge amount of attention? It was those pictures of her getting out of the car with Paris. That was huge, and she was desperate to recapture it. So what I think happened was, in a move eerily reminiscent of the film "Single White Female", Britney gave her head the same haircut her vagina has.
They both were pushed into performing as children. They got famous young. They shot to the highest of superstardom. Michael has a crazy dad, Britney has a crazy mom. While on the Mickey Mouse club, they both thought Justin Timberlake was hot. And once they started marrying people, they lost their God Damn mind.
So you see, it's very similiar, you just have to trade MJ's pedophilia issues for Brit being the stupidest person in the world.
I've heard a couple people say "it's not that crazy that she shaved her head". Okay, fuck you. It is that crazy! Actually, the even crazier part is her reason for doing it "I just don't want anyone touching me, I'm tired of people touching me!". That's a nervous breakdown, or a drug breakdown, or a nervous/drug/did you see Christina Aguilera at the Grammy's? breakdown. Somewhere, Justin is thanking his lucky stars while boning a chick with a full head of hair. God bless him.
My favorite part of this is: If there was a child custody hearing, I would be confident in selecting any person in the world to go up against Kevin Federline and win. But Britney has somehow managed to make K-Fed look the sane option. That's genius! Next to Britney, K-Fed looks like Phillip Drummond (and he has 2 black kids just like Mr. D). I know "Hit Me Baby One More Time" sold a lot of copies, but that's an even bigger accomplishment.
Seriously though, that should be the next anti-drug commercial. It's Britney with her head shaved and the voice over says: "Drugs: They can make you a less fit parent than Kevin Federline". That would scare the shit out of people and actually work. Suck on that, Nancy Reagan.
I actually have a theory about why she did this though. See if you agree with this: Britney's career is in the toilet, right? She hasn't had a hit in a long time, everyone makes fun of her, she's getting a divorce, etc. But what was the one thing that brought her into the spotlight, that got her a huge amount of attention? It was those pictures of her getting out of the car with Paris. That was huge, and she was desperate to recapture it. So what I think happened was, in a move eerily reminiscent of the film "Single White Female", Britney gave her head the same haircut her vagina has.
Dear Regular Readers
Please ignore or be very entertained by (as I am) the madness below. I was just writing about some crazy stuff that was going on in my world last week and voicing my opinion about it, as I do on this blog. But apparently, someone over at Joe Rogan's forum got a hold of it and you can see what happened. I just hope it doesn't affect us, what we have, cause baby, no angry multi-millionaire jealous comedian should ever come between that.
I have found the whole thing hilarious - my favorite part is when they talk about Joe's "integrity, class, and dignity", and then call me a cunt. At a certain point I just started making gay and short and bald jokes just to see how angry I could make them. Sadly, this is my idea of fun.
Anyway, I apologize for the invasion.
I have found the whole thing hilarious - my favorite part is when they talk about Joe's "integrity, class, and dignity", and then call me a cunt. At a certain point I just started making gay and short and bald jokes just to see how angry I could make them. Sadly, this is my idea of fun.
Anyway, I apologize for the invasion.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Talking in a Foreign Language is the New Retard
It used to be that to win an Oscar all you had to do was play a retarded person - Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man", Daniel Day Lewis in "My Left Foot", Tom Hanks in "Forrest Gump", etc. Then came the "playing ugly" thing - Hilary Swank, Charlize Theron. And now we have the talking in a foreign language thing.
I am convinced that people perceive that talking in a different language means that the acting is good. You got that Asian chick from "Babel", those Asian people in "Lost", and Dijmon Himsou in everything he is in.
But of course the worst offender of all is...Penelope Cruz. She sucks in "Sahara", but now in "Volver" she's Meryl Streep. What the fuck? How is that possible? Isn't acting supposed to be more than just talking? I guess not, so someone should teach Mischa French and she'll be a genius!
And it's more than just in acting, it extends to movies too. Is it any coincidence that movie critics love "Letters from Iwo Jima" way more than "Flags of our Fathers?" When was the last time you've seen a movie with subtitles get a bad review?
Foreign languages cover up a lot of bad shit. If a language isn't native to you, you can't see awkwardness or bad delivery or any of that. So really, it can't even be judged in the same way. Penelope Cruz is not Meryl Streep - in any language.
And yet people talking in a different languages are getting nominated left and right. You know why? Cause other languages = the new retard.
I am convinced that people perceive that talking in a different language means that the acting is good. You got that Asian chick from "Babel", those Asian people in "Lost", and Dijmon Himsou in everything he is in.
But of course the worst offender of all is...Penelope Cruz. She sucks in "Sahara", but now in "Volver" she's Meryl Streep. What the fuck? How is that possible? Isn't acting supposed to be more than just talking? I guess not, so someone should teach Mischa French and she'll be a genius!
And it's more than just in acting, it extends to movies too. Is it any coincidence that movie critics love "Letters from Iwo Jima" way more than "Flags of our Fathers?" When was the last time you've seen a movie with subtitles get a bad review?
Foreign languages cover up a lot of bad shit. If a language isn't native to you, you can't see awkwardness or bad delivery or any of that. So really, it can't even be judged in the same way. Penelope Cruz is not Meryl Streep - in any language.
And yet people talking in a different languages are getting nominated left and right. You know why? Cause other languages = the new retard.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Why The White Rapper Show Kicks American Idol's Ass
As you know, I don't watch "American Idol". But because it's so popular and there's nothing else on TV Tuesday nights, I did catch it last night. And they were with the contestants they had chosen across the country, like 172 of them, for 3 days of more auditions in Hollywood. Each day, they cut people. On the second day, they had to form a group and do a song together. One of the big "no no's" that Simon warned them about, was forgetting the words - which a lot of them did. Even though they were doing pretty famous songs and had a night and half a day to rehearse.
Okay, now let me tell you something about my favorite reality show, VH1's "The White Rapper Show". The finale of each episode is a competition where the white rappers are given a subject and have one hour to write a verse, memorize it (they can't read), and then rap it for the judges. That's right, in one hour they have to memorize some shit they just wrote and perform it, in just one hour...and did I mention that they write it themselves?!
Seriously, that's a fucking talent show, America. Why is "AI" so popular and this isn't? "The White Rapper Show" is freaking awesome. I can't say enough about it. It's clever, it's funny, it's well produced, but more importantly, the white rappers...are GREAT. It's not a joke, they can rap, and that's what makes it. I could see another show putting crappy ones in there for amusement, but this show didn't do that and I love it for it. Please watch!
Okay, a couple questions for you "AI" freaks out there because there were things on the episode I didn't understand.
First thing: at the end of the episode, there were four rooms setup. Two of the rooms filled with contestants were told to go home, and two were told that they "are moving on". BUT! Then they said that they were going to review the videotape and cut the 40 remaining people to 24. Uh...so some of them that "are in" aren't in? Is that what you're saying? Then why did you tell them that they were in and why did they jump up and down all excited? I don't get it.
Another thing: I know this is the most popular show in the world and all, but it seems kinda poorly done. They involve you in these people's stories and then two seconds later they get rid of them. It's like, "oh, I was almost giving a shit", and then you never see them again and no reason is given. And they do this a lot.
Final thing: it seemed to me that there were a couple singers who were flat out good. Can they get rid of people just cause they're ugly? Cause they were ugly, but they could sing. This was bugging me because I've seen bits and pieces of past episodes where the final 12 sound HORRIBLE, yet here they were cutting people who sounded damn good and giving us no reasy why. I don't know, I guess they were just too ugly.
But "The White Rapper Show" doesn't account for physical attractiveness, in fact, I think they give bonus points for extra ugly. Cause one of the final 3 guys on there is literally the ugliest dude I've ever seen. You know how people say "he/she looks like they got hit in the face with a shovel". Well, I think this guy actually did. Might not have been a shovel though, could've been an axe. But it doesn't matter! Cause it's all about mic skillz, and you gotta respect that, yo.
Okay, now let me tell you something about my favorite reality show, VH1's "The White Rapper Show". The finale of each episode is a competition where the white rappers are given a subject and have one hour to write a verse, memorize it (they can't read), and then rap it for the judges. That's right, in one hour they have to memorize some shit they just wrote and perform it, in just one hour...and did I mention that they write it themselves?!
Seriously, that's a fucking talent show, America. Why is "AI" so popular and this isn't? "The White Rapper Show" is freaking awesome. I can't say enough about it. It's clever, it's funny, it's well produced, but more importantly, the white rappers...are GREAT. It's not a joke, they can rap, and that's what makes it. I could see another show putting crappy ones in there for amusement, but this show didn't do that and I love it for it. Please watch!
Okay, a couple questions for you "AI" freaks out there because there were things on the episode I didn't understand.
First thing: at the end of the episode, there were four rooms setup. Two of the rooms filled with contestants were told to go home, and two were told that they "are moving on". BUT! Then they said that they were going to review the videotape and cut the 40 remaining people to 24. Uh...so some of them that "are in" aren't in? Is that what you're saying? Then why did you tell them that they were in and why did they jump up and down all excited? I don't get it.
Another thing: I know this is the most popular show in the world and all, but it seems kinda poorly done. They involve you in these people's stories and then two seconds later they get rid of them. It's like, "oh, I was almost giving a shit", and then you never see them again and no reason is given. And they do this a lot.
Final thing: it seemed to me that there were a couple singers who were flat out good. Can they get rid of people just cause they're ugly? Cause they were ugly, but they could sing. This was bugging me because I've seen bits and pieces of past episodes where the final 12 sound HORRIBLE, yet here they were cutting people who sounded damn good and giving us no reasy why. I don't know, I guess they were just too ugly.
But "The White Rapper Show" doesn't account for physical attractiveness, in fact, I think they give bonus points for extra ugly. Cause one of the final 3 guys on there is literally the ugliest dude I've ever seen. You know how people say "he/she looks like they got hit in the face with a shovel". Well, I think this guy actually did. Might not have been a shovel though, could've been an axe. But it doesn't matter! Cause it's all about mic skillz, and you gotta respect that, yo.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
The "Least Surprised That They Died" List
In the last 8 months, there have been two big celebrity (premature) deaths. Neither of which should've surprised anyone. In fact, if you were to ask people, who would you be least surprised by if they suddenly dropped dead? The top two would most certainly be Anna Nicole Smith and the Crocodile Hunter. The general reaction to the news was a "yeah, sounds about right".
With that in mind, the crack staff at Handleman Industries has compiled a top eleven list (why eleven? cause that's how many I thought of) of celebrities who we'd be least surprised by if they died right now.
11. 50 Cent/Eminem - I was considering just writing in "rappers" in this slot, cause they're always a sure bet and no surprise at all. But a lot of people who carry guns and wear kevlar hate 50, and I just can't imagine Eminem being old. Something is going to get him - drugs, guns, or Kim.
10. Tara Reid/Lindsay Lohan/The Olsen Twins - I just hope I'm not in the car these crack whores get in the head on collision with.
9. Mike Tyson - People have been predicting this one for years, but Mike keeps on defying the odds.
8. Paula Abdul - Has already topped Anna Nicole's record for "most drugged out TV appearances", and people just continue to let it happen. Weird.
7. Tom Sizemore/Danny Bonaduce - A bigger shock? Both of them living.
6. The Crocodile Hunter's daughter - Come on, you wouldn't be surprised.
5.Carnie Wilson - There's only so much a stomach can take.
4. Spencer from "The Hills" - He actually should be number one, because if I see him out in Hollywood, I'm taking this douchebag out myself. I'm convinced that he's pure evil.
3. Artie Lange - a year and a half ago he was 200 pounds. Since then, he got addicted to heroin and now weighs 300 pounds. There are websites devoted to guessing when he'll die, I'm not kidding.
2. Bobby Brown/Whitney Houston - It would be such a shame if instead of remembering B. Brown for "My Prerogative" or "Tender Roni", we remembered him for his last hit "Murder/Suicide".
1. Courtney Love - This was a no brainer. And she's only one on the list you could argue was a more sure bet than the two who actually died. You know, I was never a big fan of Hole or her acting work, but I'm a huge admirer of her ability to continue breathing.
With that in mind, the crack staff at Handleman Industries has compiled a top eleven list (why eleven? cause that's how many I thought of) of celebrities who we'd be least surprised by if they died right now.
11. 50 Cent/Eminem - I was considering just writing in "rappers" in this slot, cause they're always a sure bet and no surprise at all. But a lot of people who carry guns and wear kevlar hate 50, and I just can't imagine Eminem being old. Something is going to get him - drugs, guns, or Kim.
10. Tara Reid/Lindsay Lohan/The Olsen Twins - I just hope I'm not in the car these crack whores get in the head on collision with.
9. Mike Tyson - People have been predicting this one for years, but Mike keeps on defying the odds.
8. Paula Abdul - Has already topped Anna Nicole's record for "most drugged out TV appearances", and people just continue to let it happen. Weird.
7. Tom Sizemore/Danny Bonaduce - A bigger shock? Both of them living.
6. The Crocodile Hunter's daughter - Come on, you wouldn't be surprised.
5.Carnie Wilson - There's only so much a stomach can take.
4. Spencer from "The Hills" - He actually should be number one, because if I see him out in Hollywood, I'm taking this douchebag out myself. I'm convinced that he's pure evil.
3. Artie Lange - a year and a half ago he was 200 pounds. Since then, he got addicted to heroin and now weighs 300 pounds. There are websites devoted to guessing when he'll die, I'm not kidding.
2. Bobby Brown/Whitney Houston - It would be such a shame if instead of remembering B. Brown for "My Prerogative" or "Tender Roni", we remembered him for his last hit "Murder/Suicide".
1. Courtney Love - This was a no brainer. And she's only one on the list you could argue was a more sure bet than the two who actually died. You know, I was never a big fan of Hole or her acting work, but I'm a huge admirer of her ability to continue breathing.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Having No Game
You know I love Dateline's "To Catch a Predator", right? Well, I've noticed a disturbing pattern. As part of the show, they take you through the online chat their "decoy" has with the "predator" to try to get him to come over. And it seems pretty consistently now that every guy they talk to, at some point in the conversation, takes a picture of his dick and shows it to her.
That's pretty weird to me. In fact, trying to fuck a 13 year is way less weird than showing a girl a picture of your penis and thinking that's going to make her want to fuck you. I don't care if that thing has a tuxedo on and a dab of cologne, it's still a penis. And the only thing a penis is ever attracting is hep C (rim shot!).
Seriously, even for the biggest penis enthusiasts, calling the penis good looking is a tough sell. The penis is not pretty. It's not like a boob or something, it’s a penis. It’s useful, sure, it’s kind of amazing when you think about it, but it’s not cute. And a standard size, normal penis is more like a bonus later, you know? It’s the cherry on top. Okay, this guy’s got a good sense of humor, a good job, doesn’t seem that creepy, I’ve had a couple drinks, I haven’t sex in awhile, I guess I’ll fuck him. Then the pants get unzipped and “hey, his penis isn’t bad!” You see, she’s already going to fuck him, the penis was just a happy gift. It doesn’t go the other way – “that guy’s an asshole, he’s not funny at all…” “Yeah, but did she see his penis!”
Maybe trying to fuck 13 year olds on the internet isn't the real problem for these guys. Maybe they just don't know how to pick up women, because let me tell you something: showing the penis up front never, ever works. Maybe they’re dabbling in the youngsters because grown up women know to not have sex with the wiener showing guy. Maybe the only girls who fall for that are in the 7th grade. So if we could just teach these bastards how to shake hands with a girl not using their dick, Chris Hanson would be out of a job.
That's pretty weird to me. In fact, trying to fuck a 13 year is way less weird than showing a girl a picture of your penis and thinking that's going to make her want to fuck you. I don't care if that thing has a tuxedo on and a dab of cologne, it's still a penis. And the only thing a penis is ever attracting is hep C (rim shot!).
Seriously, even for the biggest penis enthusiasts, calling the penis good looking is a tough sell. The penis is not pretty. It's not like a boob or something, it’s a penis. It’s useful, sure, it’s kind of amazing when you think about it, but it’s not cute. And a standard size, normal penis is more like a bonus later, you know? It’s the cherry on top. Okay, this guy’s got a good sense of humor, a good job, doesn’t seem that creepy, I’ve had a couple drinks, I haven’t sex in awhile, I guess I’ll fuck him. Then the pants get unzipped and “hey, his penis isn’t bad!” You see, she’s already going to fuck him, the penis was just a happy gift. It doesn’t go the other way – “that guy’s an asshole, he’s not funny at all…” “Yeah, but did she see his penis!”
Maybe trying to fuck 13 year olds on the internet isn't the real problem for these guys. Maybe they just don't know how to pick up women, because let me tell you something: showing the penis up front never, ever works. Maybe they’re dabbling in the youngsters because grown up women know to not have sex with the wiener showing guy. Maybe the only girls who fall for that are in the 7th grade. So if we could just teach these bastards how to shake hands with a girl not using their dick, Chris Hanson would be out of a job.
An Astronaut Story
Did you see this story?
If you’re too lazy to read the story, let me quickly summarize: some crazy girl astronaut, who is married with three kids, fell in love with another astronaut, and got jealous of some girl he was going out with. So she drove from Houston to Orlando to kidnap/kill (allegedly) the girl - and she was in such a rush to do away with this other girl that she wore diapers on the ride over there. She put on a disguise and started following the girl, who quickly noticed, and called the police, and the astronaut was arrested.
Now, three things jumped out at me while reading this story.
1.Aren’t astronauts supposed to be the best of the best? And that’s the best plan you could come up with? All future viewings of “The Right Stuff” are ruined for me now.
2. What if you’re the astronaut boyfriend of the girl she tried to kidnap/kill? And what if you weren’t that into the relationship? You can’t breakup with a girl if she’s just almost gotten kidnapped and killed by one of your crazy astronaut friends. You have to stick around for awhile. I’ve stuck around in a bad relationship after a cat died, I can’t imagine the kind of time you have to put in for a kidnap/murder attempt. The dead cat bought me a week, so I’m gonna say a felony by a psycho “friend” is a month, minimum.
3. Okay, diapers? I get the urgency, but unless you’re driving some kind of future space car, and maybe she was because she’s an astronaut, you’re still gonna have to stop and get gas. And I don’t know what kind of stream you build up after drinking a few big gulps of Tang, but peeing time is very similar to filling up time.
If you’re too lazy to read the story, let me quickly summarize: some crazy girl astronaut, who is married with three kids, fell in love with another astronaut, and got jealous of some girl he was going out with. So she drove from Houston to Orlando to kidnap/kill (allegedly) the girl - and she was in such a rush to do away with this other girl that she wore diapers on the ride over there. She put on a disguise and started following the girl, who quickly noticed, and called the police, and the astronaut was arrested.
Now, three things jumped out at me while reading this story.
1.Aren’t astronauts supposed to be the best of the best? And that’s the best plan you could come up with? All future viewings of “The Right Stuff” are ruined for me now.
2. What if you’re the astronaut boyfriend of the girl she tried to kidnap/kill? And what if you weren’t that into the relationship? You can’t breakup with a girl if she’s just almost gotten kidnapped and killed by one of your crazy astronaut friends. You have to stick around for awhile. I’ve stuck around in a bad relationship after a cat died, I can’t imagine the kind of time you have to put in for a kidnap/murder attempt. The dead cat bought me a week, so I’m gonna say a felony by a psycho “friend” is a month, minimum.
3. Okay, diapers? I get the urgency, but unless you’re driving some kind of future space car, and maybe she was because she’s an astronaut, you’re still gonna have to stop and get gas. And I don’t know what kind of stream you build up after drinking a few big gulps of Tang, but peeing time is very similar to filling up time.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Maybe All the Black Dudes On "Grey's Anatomy" Are Insane
I flipped on the TV this morning and James Pickens was on the KTLA morning show. He plays Dr. Webber on "Grey's Anatomy". I don't know what's going on with the black guys on that show, but they are really losing their minds.
This is a direct quote:
"Sandra Oh is one of the sexiest women in the world."
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