I’m so pissed. I needed to eat dinner, get my haircut, go to the bank, pay my bills, watch the last two weeks of “Lost”, watch the season finale of “Friday Night Lights”, watch last week’s “Heroes”…but instead I got off work at 10, didn’t get to do any of that stuff, including eat dinner, and then I got home to find that one of the Lost’s and the “Friday Night Lights” got erased, and now all I have time to do is watch “The Bachelor” and write this. Yes, I am a whiny bitch. And speaking of whiny bitches…
For some reason, the episode started at . How do you expect a show to get good ratings when you do that? I don’t get it. However, I don’t think it matters. Apparently, they are already in pre-production on next seasons “Bachelor”.
Andy takes the six girls on “his” yacht. Andy is wearing pants and flip flops, I have no opinion about this, but I think I’ve gone out with girls who would call that lame.
Bevin invites Andy to go kayaking and the other girls get pissed. Now that Evil Stephanie is gone, BBD has stepped into the “I’m not here to make friends” mode. Andy thinks BBD is “dope”, but the other girls think she’s “poison”. Sorry, couldn’t resist.
Good Stephanie gets a one on one date and they go wine tasting. Andy makes some bad analogy about how wine blending is like relationships or some such.
The other one on date is going to be with Tessa. So BBD complains that she’s never had a solo date – damn, she complains a lot. Bitch, you had all that hospital time when you tripped, and then you had that date where you cried about your stupid ankle, and then you had the kayak, so shut the hell up.
BUT, BBD has a secret! She’s been married! Oh my God, a divorcee! “Hi, The Bachelor producers, 1950 called and they want their taboos back”. Who cares? This show is so old fashioned with that stuff. Meanwhile, their dousing the girls with boos and putting them into hot tubs.
Meanwhile back on the date with Good Stephanie, Andy tries to, you know, actually talk to her about stuff. She literally can’t think of one thing to say. It’s embarrassing and sad. But Andy explains that it’s because she’s 23 and that’s how 23 year olds are. That’s why I only go out with girls who are 24 and up, they have goals and know how to talk in complete sentences and shit.
Back at the house, a huge shocker – BBD is crying again. “Girl, I must warn you” that you’re annoying.
She tries to tell Amber that Amber’s too young for Andy. Amber tells her to step off. “Word to the mutha” (I could do BBD lyrics forever, but I’ll stop now). No matter how true it is, it always looks bad for older girls to try and tell younger girls what they should be doing. Even when you’re right in saying it, you shouldn’t say it, cause you just look like a bitter older lady, or in BBD’s case, a bitter old divorcee.
The second group date is working at a kindergarten and fixing up a playground.
People don’t agree with me that Amber is cute. I must stress that she is cute for this season, tell me which of the girls is better looking? You could argue Good Stephanie, but I don’t think anyone else. And my friend Drew, before you say Tessa, let me just say that you are wrong.
There’s all this boring stuff where they fix up the playground and then the kids come out and play on it, and then everyone talks about how the other is going to make such a great mom/dad. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss Evil Stephanie.
Andy comes over to pick up Tessa for their date. He brings jewelry for her to wear, and of course, the girls flip out. Greed and materialism is good, but divorce is wrong.
Tessa says it’s the most “beautiful set of diamond necklace, bracelet, and ear rings I’d ever seen. And something about that felt so special and good”. Oh, women. What do you have to say for yourselves?
Andy takes Tessa to Nicole Miller and the producers loan her a dress for the night. It’s so funny because Tessa says “pinch me”, and then when they go to dinner Andy says “pinch me”. Aw, how…gay. It’s Cinderella and Cinderfella.
Tessa plays the whole “I don’t know about his whole reality show thing”, funny she didn’t feel that way when she went on all the auditions. It totally works on Andy. Man, he loves drama. Did I say this before? He is a drama queen in the truest sense of the expression.
Andy is leaning towards BBD over Tina because, and he really did say this, while he has “the most amazing conversations with Tina”, BBD is “just so into me”. That seems like sound reasoning for choosing a life partner.
BBD is in. I don’t know what would be worse for Andy, coming out of the closet while on a Navy submarine in the middle of the
Amber gets a rose. I think she’s just filler at this point, it’s really just BBD and…
Tessa. No surprise, these two seem to be genuinely in love. Sorry, Drew.
And in a HUGE upset of Golden St. Warrior proportions, Danielle gets a rose. What the hell? Experts had it as a two way race between Tina and Good Stephanie, but neither figured in the final verdict.
What do you think if you’re Tina right now? “Well, I guess we just had too many interesting conversations. Maybe I should have faked an injury, cried more, and let him graze my boobs.”
I’m really surprised by Danielle, we haven’t really seen or heard from her much at all. It’s weird. Plus, she only looks good at the rose ceremonies. She’s a two face supreme. I guess she’s the dark horse since we don’t know anything about her.
But really, it seems like it’s BBD vs. Tessa, and there’s no way BBD is holding up the rest of the way. A breakdown is coming. Although with Andy, he’ll probably react by marrying her on the spot.
Thanks for reading! Goodnight!