Dear People of America,
You love "American Idol", and I get that. Actually, I don't get it, it's just karaoke, you fucking morons!!! Okay, I'm sorry, that was wrong. I shouldn't have said that. My feelings are not the point. It's great that you enjoy watching this show. That Simon, he's incorrigible, isn't he? But I'm here to ask you to do me a solid: don't watch it this year.
Some reasons for this request. 1) You could show the world that you like, you know, good television. 2) You've made Ryan Seacrest rich, famous, and ubiquitous, and you're not gonna like the kharma that's coming back on your ass for that, so do what you can now. 3) Maybe it's time for the people who make and record music to be actual musicians. 4) Don't you know it's a karaoke show, you dumb motherfuckers?!
Sorry. Again, I'm sorry, I'm just sad and confused but I promise I meant every word of it.
I know what you're thinking; "how will I live without knowing what happens?" Well, I have the answer for that: I'm going to tell you.
"Hey, how come you get to watch and we don't?" The answer is: I'm not going to watch it either. But let me take a wild guess as to what is going to happen:
Bad singers will be paraded in front of the three judges, many of them will make the final 12
Simon will wear several of his girlfriend's sweaters
One word: pitchy
A girl will be in the first show, make it to Los Angeles, and last all the way to the finale, and her name is Ryan Seacrest
Drink Coke! Buy a Chevy!
Kenny Rogers will debut his new face
Have I mentioned that all fat black women can sing?
The big superstars of American Idol's past will come back to perform their hits, like Carrie Underwood will do that one song she has, and that chick who won last year will do whatever she's been up to, and that gray haired dude will perform that tune where he yells a lot
Paula Abdul will kidnap Sean Preston Spears and hold him hostage in her bathroom.
Okay? So you don't have to watch now! Tell your friends! Spread the word! Boycott American Idol! Are we gonna do this or what? Change the world, baby! Who's in? Huh? You? No? Okay. You? Right, I understand. Not even you, mom?
Oh, fuck me.
Sincerely depressed,
Irwin Handleman
You love "American Idol", and I get that. Actually, I don't get it, it's just karaoke, you fucking morons!!! Okay, I'm sorry, that was wrong. I shouldn't have said that. My feelings are not the point. It's great that you enjoy watching this show. That Simon, he's incorrigible, isn't he? But I'm here to ask you to do me a solid: don't watch it this year.
Some reasons for this request. 1) You could show the world that you like, you know, good television. 2) You've made Ryan Seacrest rich, famous, and ubiquitous, and you're not gonna like the kharma that's coming back on your ass for that, so do what you can now. 3) Maybe it's time for the people who make and record music to be actual musicians. 4) Don't you know it's a karaoke show, you dumb motherfuckers?!
Sorry. Again, I'm sorry, I'm just sad and confused but I promise I meant every word of it.
I know what you're thinking; "how will I live without knowing what happens?" Well, I have the answer for that: I'm going to tell you.
"Hey, how come you get to watch and we don't?" The answer is: I'm not going to watch it either. But let me take a wild guess as to what is going to happen:
Bad singers will be paraded in front of the three judges, many of them will make the final 12
Simon will wear several of his girlfriend's sweaters
One word: pitchy
A girl will be in the first show, make it to Los Angeles, and last all the way to the finale, and her name is Ryan Seacrest
Drink Coke! Buy a Chevy!
Kenny Rogers will debut his new face
Have I mentioned that all fat black women can sing?
The big superstars of American Idol's past will come back to perform their hits, like Carrie Underwood will do that one song she has, and that chick who won last year will do whatever she's been up to, and that gray haired dude will perform that tune where he yells a lot
Paula Abdul will kidnap Sean Preston Spears and hold him hostage in her bathroom.
Okay? So you don't have to watch now! Tell your friends! Spread the word! Boycott American Idol! Are we gonna do this or what? Change the world, baby! Who's in? Huh? You? No? Okay. You? Right, I understand. Not even you, mom?
Oh, fuck me.
Sincerely depressed,
Irwin Handleman
14 comments:
I will boycott with you! I've never really seen the appeal of that show.
I'm with you. The thought of watching it makes my insides revolt. I've never watched it and never plan to.
Although you, me, and anonymous above may the only people on board.
This anonymous is with you too! I hate that show!
I hate American Idol. I'm all for boycotting it.
I only watch the first few shows to watch people humiliate themselves. Once the "competition" starts, I tune out.
But I get to watch people humiliate themselves here at the office, so I will join your boycott. I will TRY to make my husband boycott, but I can't make any promises. (He secretly wants to compete, but is 43 yrs old and can't sing.)
Yes!!! This is more people than I ever thought would join me! Special props to Rohobu who actually used to watch it and now won't, you're awesome.
Now, is there any chance that any of you have a Nielsen box? Has anyone ever met anyone who actually had one? As Jerry Seinfeld would say, "who are these people?"
I am with you! i can't take one minute of seacrest. YUCK!
What is the deal with 4 of the big networks cancelling writers contracts? When will this strike end? Give us some inside scoop! I need some good tv. I can only watch Star Wars reruns on HBO for so long. The sad thing is I have not watched the original movies since I was 10 and now I have seen them 3 times in the last 2 weeks.
http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080115/ENT10/801150415
here is the article
Sorry Irwin, I will watch when it gets down to a manegeable 8 or 10. I hate the shows where the idiots are making fools out of themselves. I do enjoy watching the last few though if someone like Sanjaya is left I will have to bail. Let's get the writers back to work and get some decent T.V. I am spending a fortune on Movies on Demand!!!
I watched the first one but none since. You're right - it's karaoke and kind of crappy karaoke at that.
You see that, folks? My own mother can't even join my revolution. Guess that explains why I ran off to Los Angeles for a career writing vagina jokes. How dare you!
I will have a strike update in the next couple of days.
I'm with the boycott, following up with my previous boycotts of all bazillion seasons. I have always hated this show.
Do I have to start watching it first in order to boycott it? If not, then I'm with you!
I accidentally watched a few minutes last night, during commercial breaks on another channel. But this was before I read your inspired post! So, now I've seen the light and I'm with you on the boycott train!!
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