FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE

"LOST" is supposedly "extra awesome" tonight.

Can't wait...

Two More Thoughts About "Moment of Truth"

For some, reason I’m still hung up on this. I was thinking about it this morning and I was pissed I didn’t write about the fact that:

1. They ask the contestants 50 questions beforehand and then choose the 21 to ask on the show. THEY KNOW THE RESULTS. So whenever they want the person out, they can just stick the question in they know they lied about. What the hell is this? How is this allowed to happen?

and

2. So you’re telling me that that girl would tell the truth about being hung up on her ex-boyfriend, cheating on her husband, stealing money from her job, but lie when asked “do you think you’re a good person?” That is insane. Insane I tell you!

In TV News...

"THE MOMENT OF TRUTH" - fox

This show was first brought to my attention by sister, who in the middle of the strike text me: "have you seen the ads for moment of truth? 'Do fat people disgust you?!' Awesome!"

Okay, that is a funny question. But I was bitter about all reality shows, and especially bitter at fox because of stupid "American Idol", so I ignored it.

Then my good friend D-Train told me it was a must watch. So last night I was flipping around and happened upon the beginning of an episode. Holy shit.

If you don't know about it, it's a game show where a contestant takes a lie detector test and if they answer 21 questions truthfully, they win $500,000. If they're caught lying, they win nothing. And the host is Mark Wahlberg, of "Temptation Island" and "other Mark Wahlberg" fame.

The contestant was a trashy fake blonde woman named Laurie with a shady past.

To up the stakes they have the contestants family sitting nearby, and Laurie's husband Frank was (unfortunately) there with her parents, sister, and brother.

First of all, even if you could imagine yourself going on a show like this, could you imagine asking your parents to go on with you? How does that conversation go? "Don't worry, I've got nothing to hide."

On the surface, the game seems easy. And I was immediately wondering what they were going to pull to keep people from winning a bunch of cash every time...but I'll get to that later.

First though, I must give the show some props because they have good questions. Immediately Laurie was outed as stealing money from her job. Then they got to her wandering eye, er, wandering ass. Apparently, she has an ex-boyfriend who she's still hung up on, cheated on her husband with him, and would rather be married to him than her husband.

The brilliant segment producers even had the ex on hand to ask "would you leave your husband for me?" It was brutal. Remember, her parents are there!

And because she's a money whore, she answered everything truthfully. Girl wanted to get paid. But after destroying her marriage and embarrassing her family, she lost when she was untruthful when answering the question, "do you think you're a good person?"

Okay, let me bring up some things:

First, how stoked was this show when they found this girl? Answer: very. But this brings up an interesting point; what if the lie detector test found her to be untruthful to one of the early, easy questions? Do you really think they're going to get rid of her? Hell no. They are going to make damn sure they get to the part where they can roll out the ex. I feel like we're watching another "21" scandal unfold in front of us.

Second, they don't have the contestant hooked up to the lie detector during the show. They ask these questions before the show. So she knew everything that was coming. And yet, she was acting shocked and embarrassed all the way through it.

Third, lie detectors are 61 to 95 percent accurate.

Fourth, can you lie about an opinion? This brings up what I mentioned earlier: that the game seems too easy. It is, until you start asking ticky tac opinion questions, like, you guessed it, "do you think you're a good person?" She said yes, and the producers had their out.

They destroyed this girl (and probably deservedly so), and then sent her home with nothing but great ratings and some Amelia Earhart luggage. Ouch. And that's why we settled for just an okay WGA deal. Cause these motherfuckers with the money don't play. They will out you in front of your family and friends as a liar, a cheat, and an adulterer and tell you you were lucky because 20 million people were watching.

(spoiler alert below)

MY FAVORITE "DICK SUCKER" IS DEAD - "the wire", hbo

It's not very original to say that Omar was my favorite character on "The Wire", but fuck it, he's awesome and he was. His storyline was basically the only thing I was interested in this season, and when the bullet hit his head I let out a "nnnoooooo!!!"

r.i.p. Omar

I don't care about the news room, and I hate the Macnulty/Three's Company storyline. So I was all set to not watch the show anymore, but that episode happened to be the best of the season. It was great. Plus, there's only two more, so I'm in to see how this thing plays out.

My replacement favorite character is the newspaper editor played by Clark Johnson - that guy is an incredible actor. I love him. But not in the same way that I loved Omar. That's a special kind of love.

AMERICANS SUCK AT ACTING - the oscars, abc

Or so say the Oscars. I guess we now know that "foreign" is the fall back position if there's no good ugly or retarded roles.

Some things I didn't hear anyone mention:

It got a little interesting when they had the military guys from Baghdad do the "Documentary: Short Form" award. It would've been awkward had they done the long form, since the nominees were "No End In Sight", "Operation Homecoming: What Every Soldier Should Know", and "What the Hell Are We Still Doing in Iraq?! Get the Hell Out, Motherfucker!!"

Even more awkward than that would've been: Cameron Diaz handing out the "Best Makeup" award.

And one last thing about the show...Wesley Snipes in tha house! Always bet on black, bitches.

My Grandma Is Embarrassed By My Middling Success

It's my Grandma's birthday today and I called to wish her a happy one. She asked me how things were going now that the strike was over and I said "great". Then she said:

"I tell all my friends that you're working on a big movie..."

I got confused. I mean, she is in her 80's, is it possible that she doesn't know the difference between basic cable and big budget films? Before I could correct her on what I'm actually working on, she goes:

"I just tell them that these things take a lot of time to happen and that's why they haven't seen anything. What they don't know won't hurt them, right?"

ME: (weakly) "Right".

The First Annual Irwin Awards

As I mentioned earlier, I got a lot of free movie screeners this year because of the WGA. So I saw a lot of movies. Thus, I give you the first annual Irwin Awards! Let's get started:


MOST UNREALISTIC COUPLE/UGLY GUY CATEGORY

This category is at it's apex due to one man: Judd Apatow. It's previous hey day was in the '90's, which saw a flood of old man/hot young girl movies. You know, Harrison Ford and Anne Heche, Harrison Ford and Julian Ormond, and Sean Connery and anybody.

But now, it's Apatow's time. And while Jonah Hill made a nice run with "Superbad", the winner is of course:

Seth Rogen with Katherine Heigl in "Knocked Up".

It's not even that Heigl is so hot, it's that Seth Rogen is unattractive, broke, gets high all the time, is a mean person!, and has no ambition whatsoever.

MOST UNREALISTIC COUPLE/UGLY GIRL CATEGORY

This category is very close to my heart. I've railed against unfortunate female lead casting many times, mainly because I have to understand why a guy is doing all this shit for a girl, and if she looks like Brittany Murphy, then I don't get it. And the winner is...

Juliette Binoche, with Steve Carell in "Dan In Real Life".

Oh, I know ladies, "she's adorable". No, she's not. She does not look good, and she certainly isn't "screw over your girlfriend" cute. You just like her cause you're cuter than her.

WORST ACT THREE

"No Country For Old Men".

What, Coen Brothers? You're too good to just do an action movie? Books are books, and movies are movies. They are not the same, so just make a good movie.

WORST ACT TWO

"Superbad".

In Act 1 and 3: a funny teen sex comedy. In Act 2: an episode of Mad TV.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR WHO DIDN'T USE A BAD HAIRCUT

Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Charlie Wilson's War".

BEST MOVIE I THOUGHT I'D HATE

"Dan in Real Life"

You never want to admit a movie with Dane Cook is good, but it kinda is.

MOST CELEBRATED MOVIE I DIDN'T SEE BUT EVERYONE WHO I KNOW THAT SAW IT SAID IT SUCKS

"Atonement"

LONGEST AWARD

"Most Celebrated Movie I Didn't See But Everyone Who I Know That Saw It Said It Sucks"

MOST UNBELIEVABLE SEQUENCE (THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE TALKING ROBOTS FROM OUTERSPACE)

"Live Free or Die Hard"

The sequence where he's following the bad guy's truck, and then he gets attacked by a fighter jet. He has to stop following the bad guy's car to deal with the jet, which he ends up defeating even though the jet is firing missiles and all he has is a handgun - but that's not even the unbelievable part!

After the 10 minute battle with the jet, he jumps down off the now destroyed freeway, looks over, and just happens to see the bad guy's truck pulling into a nearby wharehouse.

CRAP ASS SEQUENCE, LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT

"Transformers".

I believe I've written about this before, but it's where all Shia has to do is go inside his house and grab a pair of glasses. He tells the transformers, "wait here". But for no reason they don't wait there, and start doing all this transforming in his front yard and it goes on for a completely unnecessary 20 minutes. You really need to see it to appreciate it, but please don't.

WORST "LET'S RANDOMLY MAKE HIM A STAR"

Shia Labouf

BEST BIG BUDGET MOVIE

"Bourne Ultimatum"

BEST LOW BUDGET MOVIE

"Once"

MOVIE THAT MADE ME WANT TO QUIT SHOW BUSINESS

Tie: "Wild Hogs", "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry"

FAVORITE LINE FROM A TRAILER

"Are you two homo sexicals?"

MOST HATED LINE FROM A TRAILER

"Sweeney Todd" "You sir, two sir! (breaks into song) I will have vennnnngeance!"

MOVIE I GOT TO TELL THE STAR'S PUBLICIST THAT IT SUCKED

"Hot Rod"

TITLE OF THE YEAR

"P2".

I'm so bummed, I park in a lot of parking garages and I never came up with this.

BEST JUST OKAY MOVIES

3-way tie: "Into the Wild", "American Gangster", "We Own the Night"

LONGEST

"Zodiac", "There Will Be Blood" (they are both 158 minutes)

SHORTEST

"The Comebacks" (84 minutes)

BEST OPENING SCENE THAT HAS JASON STREET FROM FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS SINGING

"Music and Lyrics"

It's actually an underrated movie, and the songs are really good - especially the one from the opening that spoofs "Wham". You should watch it here.

BEST MOVIE IF YOU HADN'T READ THE BOOK

"The Kite Runner"

WORST MOVIE IF YOU HAD READ THE BOOK

"The Kite Runner"

BEST NAKED MARISA TOMEI

"Before the Devil Knows You're Dead"

WORST NAKED PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN

"Before the Devil Knows You're Dead"


THOSE OTHER AWARDS

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Javier Bardem

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

I have no idea in this category. The only person I saw was Tilda Swinton in "Michael Clayton", and I didn't think she was all that.

BEST ACTOR

Daniel Day Lewis

BEST ACTRESS

(should) Ellen Page/(will) Julie Christie

SCREENPLAY

Diablo Cody

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

Coen Brothers

DIRECTOR

Coen Brothers

FILM

(should) "Juno"/(will) "No Country for Old Men"

I really liked "Juno", but I didn't think it was best picture material. I spent the rest of the year searching for the "real" best picture. I had all sorts of high hopes. First, for "No Country", and then "There Will Be Blood", but they are flawed films. For a long time, I pinned my hopes on "Michael Clayton", but that didn't do it for me either. I don't think there was a best picture last year, but since there has to be, it's "Juno".

Dunking

I love dunking. My first dunk was when I was around 8 years old. I even have photographic evidence to back this up.

Look at that taut midsection! It's hard to believe that that once glorious waist is now a 34.

Anyways, there was a lot of dunk related news this week. The NBA dunk contest on Saturday was the best in years. And on Yahoo! the other day there was a news story about a 6 foot 8 inch girl in high school who regularly dunks in games. This intrigued me. So I watched the video and I noticed something strange, please watch and tell me if you notice anything weird...




Okay, did you see that? Now, I'm not trying to be a dick here (as you wait for me to be a dick here)...but are we sure that's a girl? If I saw this person on the street or heard her talk, it wouldn't even cross my mind that it's a girl. 6'8", size 18 shoe, no boobs, a voice deeper than mine...that adds up to one thing: wiener.

While I was "investigating" this story, I saw something really funny. It involves not only dunking, but also a boy AND a girl. Just enjoy this, it's a delight.

Baby Wee Wee

Don't ask me how I discovered this, but I did. So let's just all enjoy it.

Toots McGee Gives Me the Third Degree

I have a "lady friend", whom I met under some strange and complicated circumstances. So when people ask, "how did you two meet?" I get kind of uncomfortable and don't know what to say.

Recently I was in San Diego with my sisters and my 3 year old nephew Toots McGee. Coincidentally, this lady friend of mine happened to also be down there with her friends. I invited her over and went and picked her up at a hotel and brought her back to hang out.

Later, I was sitting around with Toots drinking some juice, and he asked me:


"Where'd ya get your girl, Uncle Ir?

I was totally caught off guard...by a 3 year old. I stumbled and stammered:

"Well, funny you should ask, Toots. Uh, we met down in um, Hermosa, when I was living there. And down at the Pier there's some bars, and, well, the thing is, I knew her sister first, and then we kinda became friends after that."

Then I looked over and my sister is glaring at me. Not a mean glare, but a "you're such moron" glare. Finally, she said:

"He meant, where did you get her from today, like, where did you pick her up from."

"Oh...right. A hotel, Toots, a hotel."

This Week in Entertainment Weekly's Insanity

One of their columnists wrote this:

"Sometimes audiences just don't know what to make of films that are both serious and funny (witness: The Savages)."

You know what? Fuck you. That movie sucked. But I guess it sucked to me and everyone else I know because we're not as smart as you. We didn't know "what to make of it". Oh, a guy puts on a funny brace around his head and that makes it a comedy? I liked that the first time I saw it...in "Three's Company".

I love Laura Linney. And the only person I love more than her is Philip Seymour Hoffman. And they're both great. But that movie is garbage, and I don't think that just because I'm an idiot (though I am).

Incidentally, if I have time I'm planning to write the first ever "Irwin Awards". With my status as a WGA member this year, I was sent many of the "best" movies on DVD. Thus, I feel qualified to hand out some awards (don't hold your breath, Savages). So you're week just got a little sunnier, huh? Huh? Nobody?

Okay, bye.

Donna Martin Graduates! The Strike is Over

I went to the big WGA meeting on Saturday night at the Shrine. It was packed. I sat through 3 and a half hours of it before I couldn't take it anymore and left. I was surprised at how well the deal was taken by the membership, I thought there was going to be a lot more yelling.

But nope, despite the flaws in the deal, I think people just wanna go back to work. That's understandable. There was one angry guy though, and he was awesome. He said he was going to play "good cop, bad cop", and then proceeded to only play bad cop. He did that thing where he'd go up on his toes for each high pitch yell. It's like, "I can only yell so loud while standing flat footed, to emphasize certain words I must get to my tip toes". He also said "fuck" a lot.

I won't go into the deal. We got some gains in "new media", some good, some not so good. It's okay, not great by any means. As a fan though, who cares? The important thing is that good shows (and bad) are coming back, and reality TV won't completely take over everything. And even more importantly, we should be getting those 8 more "Lost's" that got stopped by the strike.

I feel like they gave me a shout out this week with all the "Walt got huge" jokes. My favorite line of the episode was, once again, from Sawyer. He said this to Locke while arguing about what to do:

"Who are we to argue with taller ghost Walt?"


Back to work!

Did I Push Her Over the Edge With My Boob Remark?

I just saw her at a bar and eating dinner, she seemed okay to me. But maybe the post afterwards about the "boob equator" drove her to drink, or meth (aw, remember meth face?), or whatever the kids are doing these days.



Dunst Checks Into Rehab?
Actress Kirsten Dunst has become the latest star to reportedly check into rehab - joining the same Utah medical facility as Eva Mendes. According to U.S. magazine Star, the 25-year-old was admitted to Cirque Lodge after a week of wild partying at last month's Sundance Film Festival. The facility is also the same center where Lindsay Lohan spent last summer for substance abuse problems. A source tells Star, "She (Dunst) desperately needed help. She seemed to be intoxicated when she checked in because she was acting really erratic. She was extremely emotional, constantly breaking down in tears. She not in a good place right now, but thankfully, she's getting the help she needs." Dunst recently dismissed rumors she was on the verge of a breakdown after reports surfaced of her alleged "erratic" behavior at Sundance, with sources claiming her "odd" antics left friends apologizing to other partygoers. But representatives for the Spider-Man star denied the reports insisting, "Kirsten is fine."

My Dad Enjoys Well Stacked Wood: The Evidence

After the original post about how my dad enjoys well stacked wood, I got a flood of e-mails asking me about the firewood place in Venice. Evidently, my inbox floods at 2 messages. Anyway, for those of you interested, here's what it looks like right off of Lincoln Boulevard.





By the way, I recently had lunch with my parents and ;my mom brought up the topic of the earlier post. My dad said, "what are you talking about?" And my mom said, "the firewood place". Dad: "Oh, that place is awesome!"

Shouldn't the Hottest Chick in the World Look Less Like Steffi Graf?

How come when I say I don't get why Giselle is considered hot I get the same looks as when I say pet ownership should be abolished? I don't get it.

Okay, she's a freak, she's 5'11" and 100 pounds and no human should have those dimensions. But why is that attractive? It's not! Steffi Graf's head on a stick is not cute.

I don't mean to pile on you, Tom Brady, but I guess you're just gonna have to make due with your average looking girlfriend, your millions of dollars, your dreamy eyes, and pet ownership.

Is the Strike Over? Maybe.

And it's not just me saying so. It's the NY Times. That's the paper of record, people. Paper, people. Just keep saying it and it will keep getting funnier. Paper, people. See?

Sorry.

Before I paste the article, let me just say that if this is true, it's amazing what can happen when the other side actually wants to negotiate. It's outrageous what they've done. They clearly wanted this strike. They wanted a more profitable 2007 and to clear out some bad deals, and they wanted to do a deal with the DGA first. And they will never be blamed for it. Why? Cause they own everything.

But now, all of the sudden with the Oscars and next fall's TV season in jeopardy they sit down in a room with us for 2 weeks...in a row! And actually bargain! Fucking douchebags.

Anyway, here's what the paper (people) of record is saying:

LOS ANGELES — Informal talks between representatives of Hollywood’s striking writers and production companies have eliminated the major roadblocks to a new contract, which could lead to a tentative agreement as early as next week, according to people who were briefed on the situation but requested anonymity because they were not authorized to speak.

A deal would end a crippling writers strike that is now entering its fourth month.

The agreement may come without renewed formal negotiations between the television and movie writers and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, though both sides still need to agree on specific language of key provisions. If that process goes smoothly, an agreement may be presented to the governing boards of the striking Writers Guild of America West and Writers Guild of America East by the end of next week, the people said.

The breakthrough occurred Friday after two weeks of closed-door discussions between the sides. Even if approved by leaders of the guilds, a deal would require ratification by a majority of the more than 10,000 active guild members.

Writers walked out on Nov. 5 after failing to reach a new contract with producers in months of difficult bargaining. Talks resumed briefly in December, but quickly broke off again. The latest round of talks came more than two weeks ago in the wake of a tentative contract agreement between producers and the Directors Guild of America.

That deal confronted many of the same issues that have troubled writers — including difficult questions related to pay for digital distribution of shows and movies — and paved the way for Friday’s movement toward a deal.

A final sticking point had been compensation for ad-supported television programs that are streamed over the Internet after their initial broadcast. Companies were seeking a period during which they could stream such shows without paying a residual, and wanted to peg payments for a year of streaming at the $1,200 level established in the directors’ contract. Writers were seeking 1.2 percent of the distributors’ revenue from such streams, to ensure they would participate in any revenue gold mine discovered on the Web. How that issue was finally resolved in the informal talks remained unclear.

The talks were made particularly difficult by strong cross-currents within the guilds. Some members favored a rapid settlement along lines established by the directors, whose tentative deal made large gains in the area of digital media, but stipulated that new media pay schedules could not be regarded as final, because the markets are still not mature. Other writers argued that a much bigger step was required immediately.

The informal sessions involved on the company side Robert A. Iger, chief executive of the Walt Disney Company; Peter Chernin, president of the News Corporation; Leslie Moonves, chief executive of CBS Corp.

Writers were represented by Patric M. Verrone, the president of the West Coast guild; David J. Young, its executive director; and John Bowman, who headed the guilds’ negotiating committee. Alan Wertheimer, a prominent entertainment attorney, also worked with the writers.

Even if the writers and producers hammer out a final agreement, there’s no guarantee that there will be an end to the labor strife in Hollywood. The companies’ current contract with actors expires on June 30, and leaders of the Screen Actors Guild — a staunch ally of writers throughout their strike — have said they did not expect to begin negotiations early.

But the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, which shares many members with the screen actors guild and traditionally has negotiated jointly with it, appears likely to start bargaining soon with companies on its own.

A spokeswoman for the Screen Actors Guild declined to comment on the writers talks, or the possibility her union might also start negotiating in coming weeks.

The writers walkout has not fully shut down Hollywood. But it stopped the production of dozens of television series, ended development work on future feature films, and created bitter divisions within the entertainment world.

One of the sorest points has been whether the 80th Academy Awards show, scheduled for Feb. 24, will proceed with its usual complement of stars, and without pickets. A rapid agreement between writers would clear the way for the ceremony, perhaps pointing again toward normality in an industry that has seen little of it lately.

"Lost" Is Back, Bitches

The one thing I kept thinking while watching the episode was:

Flash fucking forwards!

I don't think it's been properly recognized how genius this flash forwards thing is. Seriously. First, this show did something incredible by using the flashback device to tell character's stories. And now, they are using flash forwards to do the same thing, but also to explore a new mystery. It's so cool that it's made me not care about the other mysteries, now I'm just completely sucked in to how they got off the island, why they wanna go back, who got left behind, who died, what the hell is going on?!

It's just awesome and I don't think it's been acknowledged enough for its awesomeness.

Other things:

Hurley lost some weight, huh?

Unfortunately, so did Charlie. Yikes. He looks like an Olsen twin (is he still going out with Kate in real life? if so, she's obviously never seen him in those sunglasses)

The cop at the beginning (he used to be on 90210, he took Brenda to Senior Prom) looked so familiar, and I'm like, hey, was he on this show before? And then my brain went, oh wait, this is "Lost", he was on before so it means something. Then he goes "I knew someone on the flight..." and I yelled out in my empty apartment "Ana Lucia!!!" I'm a dork.

I'm sorry, but no way does Sawyer go with Locke. He wants off that island more than anyone, he'd take a chance on a helicopter, any helicopter.

One thing they need to change: stop putting the credits up front. I hate how at the beginning I can see Dominic Monaghan's name come up and know that Charlie is going to be in the episode, and that Fisher Stevens is gonna be one of the "rescuers" (he was the voice on the phone asking for Naomi). Just knowing that its Fisher Stevens means they must be evil, cause that guy always plays a dick.

He's so smug. It's like he's still cocky because he went out with Michele Pfeiffer 1n 1988 when he had no business doing so. No business! Sorry bro, but you'll always be the Indian dude from "Short Circuit" to me.