Although maybe it's not so lucky, since DeAnna kicked off the only guy she actually liked. Yeah, that kinda sucks. We're just playing out the string here, aren't we?
BUT, I thought of something interesting this weekend. DeAnna has to pick someone and pretend she loves him. Why? Because Brad dumped her ass and picked no one and she hated him for it! She's couldn't pull a Brad herself, can she? Let's find out...
The first vacation date is in the Bahamas with Jeremy. She immediately says "I'm gonna try and put Graham behind me". Oh Lord. If you liked him so much, why didn't you keep him?! We all know you're not ending up with Jesse, so you might as well have kept the guy you wanted to have sex with. I don't understand women.
She says "I wanna try to have fun with Jeremy". No shit, he's depressing. His three favorite subjects are his dead mom, his dead dad, and other stuff that's dead.
DeAnna and Jeremy have some awkward alone time. She thinks he's being stand off-ish. She thinks that now that Graham's gone, Jeremy is pulling back. So I guess Jeremy was in love with Graham too.
At dinner, there's more awkwardness. I think this is just how Jeremy really is all the time. Once you get past the dead stuff, he's got nothing else. She wants him to "be himself". But I don't think there's a self for him to be. He's a robot with a fucking six pack, people!
Jeremy explains that he's "so nervous" because he doesn't want to lose her. He tells her he has fallen in love with her. On cue, she busts out the fantasy suite card. He says...yes! The fantasy suite card is still batting 100 percent!
This date sucked.
The second date is with Jason, the guy with the kid. He's super excited to be with her. Settle down, guy. He was more excited to see her than his kid, whom he abandoned to meet her. Jason says he wants to talk about stuff other than Ty, which leads them to just talking about Ty.
She is really digging him on this date. She's in love with "fun" Jason. Or more accurately, Jason who doesn't have a kid. She busts out the fantasy suite card. He says...yes! Go, fantasy suite card!
You know what's weird? She blinks excessively unless she's kissing, and then she keeps her eyes crazy wide open.
You know who Jason is? He's Bizarro Graham. He is the exact opposite of Graham. He's just a nice guy, harmless, safe, with little to no danger or sex appeal to him. When Graham is with DeAnna, he's thinking of all the other tang he can get. When Jason is with her, he's thinking about them getting a puppy together.
Third date is with Jesse The Friend Zone Guy. He will be eliminated later this episode, but let's watch anyway...
DeAnna and Jesse ride horses together in the ocean. Jesse isn't just friend zone guy, he's also "guy who thinks DeAnna is planning the dates" guy.
They actually do a lot of kissing. Go Jesse! Keep stabbing her with that schnoz, buddy. The producers try their best to convince us that he's not going home tonight. I'm not buying. I'm too much of a savvy Bachelor veteran to fall for that shit.
At dinner, Jesse has some "serious questions" for her. He asks her about having kids and what the living situation would be, and she thinks to herself "Graham wouldn't be annoying me with these stupid questions right now, he'd be banging me in the fantasy suite".
And then she busts out the fantasy suite card. Jesse says "I don't know if I can until I meet your dad..." DeAnna is shocked, "are you for real?" He's joking, dummy...and the fantasy suite wins again!!!
FINAL ROSE CEREMONY
JESSE gets the first one! Wow, upset central!
Jeremy must have blown it more than they even showed. Let's see...
JASON is in.
Boom! Bye, bye, Mr. Perfect. He was acting like a douche on their date, but that's how he seemed to me the entire time that's why I thought she would still pick him. He's like, wait: I'm a lawyer, I have a washboard stomach, and my parents are dead. What more could I do?
She says they had a bond because of the parents dying thing, but she didn't want to confuse that bond with love. Jeremy says he's never had his heart broken like this, and he's in love with her Wow. And I thought DeAnna wasn't going to break anyone's heart the way Brad did it to her. You see, sweetie, it's impossible. Cause that's the show!
I can't say that was a great hour of TV or anything, but that was a surprising ending. The schnoz has more power than I ever dreamed.