Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm out for the next week. I am off to celebrate Thanksgiving the way the pilgrims once did - in Mexico. I'll be back in a week, have a great one, and let's just all enjoy this one more time...



Ladies and Gentleman, the true Conservatives choice for the next President of the United States!

IV

SEASON 4

Once again I was called in early to get a head start on things. I was very excited because my good friend Chris was promoted to head writer. Chris and I sat in a room for a week and a half and wrote probably 1/4th of the entire season in that short span. It was writing nirvana, because no one was there to bother us or give us notes. We had free reign, and we got things off to a great start. Before ever working on this show, Chris had a full head of bushy hair...


It was a weird feeling, because I was now an elder statesman on the show. Chris and I were the only two left standing from the beginning, and it was crazy to think about starting as the low man on the totem pole barely brought back to where I was now. It felt good.

Luckily, my buddy Bob was back after working on season 2 but missing season 3. He is one of the funniest people in the world, and he'd love to tell you about the time he was on Oprah. Ass Girl was brought back and we were once again office mates. Wait. According to her facebook profile, Ass Girl's name is now Ass Hussein Girl (facebook joke, for the kids).

Also, I was able to use some of my incredible power and influence to help get my friend Jamathew on the show. With the addition of him and two other serious heavy hitters, we probably had the strongest writing staff that I've ever been a part of. And that's no diss to the people we had before, who were awesome, but top to bottom we had a comedy writing all star team.

Though it was perhaps the best season of the four, it wasn't my best. I felt like I had made my mark in season 2 and was on fire in season 3, but after my initial burst with Chris, I was pretty burnt out. Here's why:

It was extremely difficult to get ideas on the show. The Host liked doing his ideas, and without saying no, would wiggle around our ideas and get to his. For example, we had a board with cards on it, each card representing an idea pitched to the Host and Executive Producer and approved. In season 3, I counted 156 cards on the board. We had done 7 of them. 7 for 156, not exactly a great batting average. And keep in mind, those were approved ideas - the ones they liked! And this was the case every season, the show churned through our ideas like they were nothing.

Thus, midway through season 4 I was pretty much out. Not only had I pitched a billion things, I had heard everyone else's pitches. I had literally heard every idea there was for this show, and it seemed like in season 4 anything that was pitched had been pitched before. In fact, there were many times where we did ideas that had been rejected numerous times, but the Host and Executive Producer forgot they rejected it and just thought it was some new brilliant idea. That's not frustrating at all...

So I was fried. But luckily, we had a breath of fresh air with Jamathew, Bob, and two other new writers. They weren't burdened by the season's past, the show was a clean slate to them and they were just looking to do funny stuff. 

Jamathew and I teamed up early on and wrote the cold open to the very first show of the season, the "Cheaters" thing I wrote about on the blog at the time. Here's me sprinting in front of TV legend and teen idol, Joey Greco.


Writer's Note: I only run like a lady when working security for Joey Greco.

I hate doing "man on the streets". I don't like talking to people, especially the dumb people who are willing to get interviewed by our show. But since Chris was now head writer, I was the guy that had to do it. We went out to Venice and did a piece called "what would you do if you were President".

Our Host started talking to a very cute little Latina girl who looked to be 18 years old. However, it slowly came out that she had 2 kids. So he's interviewing her and it's kinda boring, but then I noticed something:

She's wearing a shirt that exposes her belly, and coming up from her jeans I can see the beginnings of a tattoo. I go over and whisper in our Host's ear: "She has a tattoo on her vagina".

So he asked her about it. She said, "it's a tattoo of a bow, like, a ribbon". He goes, "wait, are you telling me you have a bow on your box?" She giggles, "it's my gift, my vagina is like a present to open".

These are the people walking around Los Angeles.

I did two more songs: the first was an "emo" song - which had been pitched a thousand times and suddenly was a good idea. We shot at it at the Host's house. There was a girl in the video who played his "hot girlfriend". I wrote a line in the song that went:

"Breaking up with my girl, she doesn't hear me, it's like she's deaf...instead of understanding who I am, she just shows me her perfect breasts"

So for that line, we shot a scene in the singer's bedroom as the girl is in her underwear showing him her perfect breasts. Now, this girl did not have perfect breasts. She did, however, have the greatest ass I have ever seen on a white girl. It was ridiculous. Everyone on set was talking about, especially the women.

The camera zoomed in on her from behind, so she's showing her boobs to the singer but with her back to the camera. The unfortunate, or fortunate, side effect of this was that her ass was prominently featured in the shot. We saw the first take and a producer, who is female, turned to me and said, "that's a...that's a rump".

It was so bad I had to go to the director and tell him we needed a different shot because her butt was too distracting. The line was about her boobs and all you could notice was her ass. So later, I'm talking with this girl, I guess we have to call her Perfect Ass Girl (no offense to the ass on regular Ass Girl, which is delightful). She says that she was Miss Alaska, and I'm like "wow, really? You were in the whole Miss USA thing?" And she goes, "no. it was for Miss Hawaiian Tropic".

Then after further questioning she reveals that she is Wiccan. Wiccan! A witch! Now, I am naive in the ways of religion, especially the newer ones. So I immediately text Pamie to ask her about Wicca - I just had a hunch that she would know all about it. This is exactly what I text her:

"On a scale of 1 - 10, 1 being normal and 10 being Tom Cruise level crazy, where would you rank someone who says they are Wiccan?"

Her response was short and to the point, and exactly what I expected:

"23"

The other song I wrote was "Black Man Blues". It went pretty well, and the President of Comedy Central actually said the blues song was the best thing we ever did on the show. Apparently not good enough to pick us up for another season though.

I think I wrote about the blues song on here before. This is where we had two white backup singers and two black backup singers. And we kept coming up with new jokes for them, so then it was my job to go up to them and tell them the horribly racist new lines. Thus, I was put in the unfortunate position of saying, "excuse me, now we'd like you to sing: 'cause black people can't swim!'" Yikes.

One of the best parts about doing the show is we had a pretty big budget, and we'd always do a couple sketches that were huge in scale. It felt like being on a movie set. The last one I did, and I think it's in the last show (along with Black Man Blues), was called "Fantastic-Caps", about retarded superheroes. Here's kinda how things would go, in terms of idea to finished product...

I read a story about a comic book that was about superheroes with AIDS. So I came into work and framed it like this when I pitched it: "It seems like every comic book gets turned into a movie, and I saw this new comic book about superheroes with AIDS, so I figured, we should be the first to turn into a film. Check it out..."

Jamathew even pitched in the idea of the AIDS superhero squeezing open a can of AZT and it flying into his mouth, a la Popeye with spinach. Horrible, and hilarious.

As usual, this was not the idea that we did. This pitch got twisted and turned around, and it became PC Superheroes. And then later it emerged as retarded superheroes. All of the writers were told to pitch out on retarded heroes that we might do and give them to me.

Unfortunately, I don't have the list everyone came up with. I think I had Shakey - the guy with Parkinsons, Dyslexico, Tumor Head, and Nub Armed Gary. Ass Girl came up with Mongo, the guy with retard strength who loves juice boxes. Anyway, I took the list and pitched them to the Host. He picked his favorites, and then I went to my office and started writing the thing.

This is the best part of my job. I'm in the office, alone, writing my draft. Okay, it wasn't mine, it wasn't the glorious AIDS version, but it was mine for that brief moment until everyone else saw it and tore it to pieces. 

Then notes come. I rewrite. And then even worse, the production staff gets ahold of it. That's when the shit really hits the fan. These are the people who have to actually shoot it. First they tell you it's physically impossible to shoot it. Then come the questions, a thousand questions. What shirt is the old lady wearing? Does Mongo wear a wig? What kind of juice box does he like to drink?

Finally, I agreed to some cuts and they agreed that we could shoot it in a day. And then they went to work making it happen. The Fantastic-Caps don't have the batmobile, but they do have the short bus. That's how they get around. And with our budget, and our brilliant art department, we were able to get the best looking short bus in Hollywood...


We shot it at this weird little warehouse complex a couple miles north of downtown Los Angeles. My parents are huge fans of superheroes and retards, so they came to visit the set...

I would often wear big fake headphones to pretend I was important.

A little later in the day, we suddenly had a problem with the ending. Funny how you plan a thing forever and yet on the set it was all wrong...this kinda thing would happen a lot. After a lot of stress, and panicked phone calls from the office, we figured out a solution. Can you guess what it was? Well, if you've been reading this, you know.

"Brad ain't in it, 'till the last minute". That's right, it was midget time. A phone call was made, and our midget made it to set in less than an hour. He was like a fire hose, "In Emergency, Break Midget Glass". Our genius wardrobe person fashioned a villain costume from him (she had been on the show for 4 seasons, and knew to always pack midget clothes, just in case). And it all worked out.

So that's it, people. That's all I got. I hope this was somewhat interesting, or maybe it was just for me. I wanna thank everyone who worked on the show, and Randy Shropshire for the pictures I stole from his website. And most importantly I'd like to thank Ned. He may not be your cup of tea, but he's a good person, a good friend, and the reason I've had a career the last 4 years and aged so poorly.

And now? Onward and upward, people. Who knows, maybe I even have another "In the Mix" in me. Dare to dream. 

Wait a minute, you know the one thing "In the Mix" was missing? Midget.

Part III

SEASON 3

Ah, the misery of season 3. 

I had established myself in season 2 and had become the host's "favorite". So when the next year rolled around, I was asked to come in a week earlier than everyone else and start thinking up ideas and writing stuff. My mom always enjoys the fact that part of my job involves "thinking". When I'm back home and sitting on the couch, she will go "oh, are you doing your thinking now?" She's very concerned with interrupting my thinking.

Things were going great. I think I had gotten comfortable with the show and finally "got it", and was brimming with confidence from my many music videos. The ideas were flowing and things were looking good...

And then a video from the Comedy Store landed on youtube.

I don't wanna get into the whole joke stealing thing again, but the thing that sucked the most was having to hear about it every damn day. It's all anyone wanted to talk about. I just want to do my job, people! It was very annoying, and stressful, and the dark cloud that hung over everything never went away. It was exhausting.


I did another music video that worked out well, it was about rappers in jail. We filmed it at a real prison in Hawthorne, CA. Now one thing you should understand is that our Host was a world renowned know-it-all. He had an answer for everything, and he would never, ever admit he was wrong. Ever. But on this shoot, I finally got him:

He was dressed up as Snoop Dogg to do the Snoop verse. He was surrounded by mostly African American and Latino convicts. He calls me over, "what does Snoop do? What should be my impression of him?" I say, "well, Snoop crip walks, you should do that" (crip walking is a kind of dance, white people).

He says, "no, Snoop doesn't crip walk". I go, "yeah, he does". He says, "no, I'm telling you, bro. Snoop does not crip walk. He doesn't do it." I turn my head over to the convicts, who in unison, go:

"Yeah, Snoop crip walks".

The defense rests, motherfucker. Thank you, jury of thugs.

Another good thing that happened in season 3 is that I found my muse. Martin Scorcese has DeNiro, Apatow has Seth Rogen, and I have fat black women. For some reason, I am at my best as a writer when writing for a fat black lady character. Then again, maybe all writers are. Let's face it, fat black women are just delightful people. My DeNiro came in the form of a large and very talented woman named Karen.

I wrote 3 things for her that year, all of which I love. The first was a bit where she came out during the monologue and yelled at Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, and Tyler Perry for playing all the fat black lady parts:

"Do you know how much I have to eat to maintain this body? And the one benefit is playing fat black women, and you’re taking that away! I can’t play a skinny white bitch, cause I’m not white and I like cake! Eddie Murphy, you think I can’t say “Hercules!” and fart at a dinner table? Hell, one just slipped out right now and it is nasty."

The second thing I did for her was a new home theater system that recreated the movie going experience at your house so precisely, that it included a black lady who sits behind you and yells at the TV. This sketch included the funniest line I have ever heard (but got cut out). It came from my buddy Ken, who told me a true story of when he saw "The Terminator" in the theater.

He said he was sitting behind a black woman. And about two thirds of the way through the movie, she yells out:

"Oh no...she gonna fuck that nigga from the future!"

I giggle every time "The Terminator" comes on TV. 

And the third thing I wrote for her was a Def Poetry Jam style poem about how much she hates that bitch Jenny Craig. Here she is with her delicious chocolate cake:


I was backstage and Karen came over to thank me. She was the nicest lady and so stoked to be able to do stuff on the show. So she comes over, and goes "thank you so much", and puts her hand out - and it was like there was a string from her hand to her pants - because when she extended her hand, her pants just fell to the floor.

And the thing was, she didn't realize it. She did not know that she was standing in front of me in her underwear. So then I was left with a decision: tell her that her pants fell off or shake hands.

I shook hands...and then I told her.

Pamie did not come back for season 3 - she got a job working on a sitcom called "My Name is Girl" or something. Since the one female writer we are allowed to hire* had left, that meant we had to hire another one. We ended up with a very funny lady who became my new office mate and good friend. At first, I called her New Pam. But later, her nickname became Ass Girl.

*(this is a myth perpetuated by female writers)

Now, as I've said many times, networks get very caught up in wanting comedy shows to hire women in order to get the "woman's perspective". However, women comedy writers tend to be filthier than guy writers. Such is the case with Ass Girl. She has one of the sickest minds I have ever known, she taught me many new expressions and showed me new levels of filth, and this is why I love her.

Ass Girl got her name for two reasons: 1) her pitches tended to involve something disgusting involving the ass, and 2) a sketch she was in which she portrayed the character of "Ass Girl". The sketch took place outside of a nightclub, and she goes up and gets immediately let in by the Bouncer. The reason why is expressed in her one line of dialogue:

"He'll let me in the front door, cause later I'll let him in my back door!"

That's Ass girl, for you.

You had to have a very thick skin to work at our show. And if you were a woman, you had to have even more than that. Pamie can comment about some of the crazy shit that was said to her, but the one I remember for Ass Girl went like this.

All of the writers were in the Host's dressing room backstage before a taping. We were having trouble with the actress who was supposed to play the part. She just wasn't getting the line right. We decided to get rid of her, but didn't know if we could get another actress to step in so close to show time. Some people thought that we wouldn't be able to get another hot girl to replace her, to which the Host replied:

"The part does not need to be played by a hot girl. Hell, Ass Girl can do it"

Poor Ass Girl.

So Long, Friend. I'll Miss The Way You Always Paid My Rent (Part II)

SEASON 2

During season 1, I struck up a "friendship" with the assistant to the Executive Producer - a legend in the business who is a true character. After the season ended, his assistant - my "friend" - got a job working somewhere else. 5 months later the second season started up and the first day back I went into the Executive Producer's office to say hi and catch up and thank him for having me back. This is exactly what was said:

ME: Hey, great to see you again!

EP: Handleman, don't fuck my assistant this year.

That was day 1. Luckily, things got better. Pamie returned...we were all shocked to hear of "Hot Properties" cancellation - though it does appear on many "Mediocre But Cancelled" lists.

My old office mate didn't come back, so Pamie and I shared an office together. I remember the first thing we teamed up on was a bit about celebrities you would be surprised to learn were beaners. We were very proud of them. And one prompted my all time favorite note from the Comedy Central standards and practices lady. This was the note:

"You cannot imply that Carmen Electra wants to kill all the Jews"

I don't remember what the joke was that prompted that note, but I'm sure it was awesome.

I was itching to do better this season and not get stuck in the no funny zone. The thing that saved my ass was the Host's demands that we do something about Kanye West. Since I am black on the inside, this was my wheel house. It was one of those things that got mentioned a couple times very subtley, but by the fourth mention I realized I needed to come up with something.

He came into a writer's meeting in the morning and mentioned it yet again, and I was ready. I said I had a song parody idea. He asked how it would go, and I horribly rapped: "I'll admit I liked gold digger, but Kanye West's is a Crazy n---a"

In any other world, I would be fired or beaten up, or fired and then beaten up. But in this insane environment, I actually gained status in my boss's eyes. He wanted to do the song, big time. I went to my office and for some reason it just clicked, and I wrote the song in like 20 minutes.

Quick note here: I just wanna say that the people who worked on this show were some of the most talented people around. You'd be shocked to know the kind of talent that is behind shows that you think suck. And the great thing about this place was that it was an absolute free for all. In the writer's room, you could say anything. It was impossible to offend. It was all about being funny. Of course, as is the practice on every show, nothing turns out to be as funny as it was in the writer's room. Something gets lost in translation, but that's always the way it goes.

So anyway, we made the Kanye video and it was one of the more popular things that we did. Many months later that video would be played at every stop to thousands of people on a 100 city stand up tour. I'm still waiting for the residual checks.

This led to me becoming "the song guy", and we did several more in the run of the series. Our host loved doing them, our Executive Producer did not. Let's put it this way, he liked them as much as he liked me fucking his assistants. Later on in season 2, I wrote another song about a rich Arab Sheik. Right before I was going out to shoot it, the Executive Producer pulled me aside and said:

"What are we turning into here? Weird Al Fucking Yankovic?"

Many things on our show ended up involving a midget, and the Arab Sheik video was no different. Brad was our midget. The saying in the writer's room was "Brad's not in it, 'till the last minute". Because no matter what, he always got thrown into sketches at the very end for an added dose of midget comedy. I wrote a line for him in the video. It went:

"Ludacris you say your necklace looks like a midget...Well my necklace really is a midget!"

And then we did some special effects to make it look like Brad was hanging from the Sheik's neck. This led to this awkward situation...

One other little known fact about the Arab Sheik song: Pamie sings the hook.


Unfortunately, as is standard in the music industry, she was replaced in the video by a very skanky, fake boobied ho.

So Long, Friend. I'll Miss The Way You Always Paid My Rent (Part I)

The television show I have written on for the last four years will not be returning for a fifth season. Since it has been my main source of income in that time, and a huge part of my life, I thought I'd say an appropriate goodbye.

Before I get into it, let me explain something. I know that most of you did not like and/or watch the show. And I know that many people in LA hate the show with a passion. Some would even ask me how I could write for it or lose all respect for me when I told them of my job (these would mostly be highly attractive women). 

But the thing is, I am a professional writer. This means that I write for money. If paid, I will write for your television show. And with the troubling state of comedy on television, and the economy, I don't really have the luxury to be choosy. Also, most shows don't last 4 episodes, and we went 4 seasons. There is something to be said for that. And when I would travel outside of LA to different parts of the country, people would actually like the show. It was always a weird feeling when people in cities like Phoenix or Denver would not laugh in my face. So I would just say to those who don't like the show, "it's just not for you". 

And on a serious note, I'm actually pretty proud that I can write for different people, and that I was able to do it so well that I would evenutally become known as "The Beaner Whisperer". 

All right, here we go...

Picture it: Los Angeles, 2005. I was a young lad fresh off of reinventing "The Soup" and penning what would later be hailed as "one of the best movies ever to star Usher", and looking for a job. My agent - Blumberg - got me pretty much the only meeting he ever got me. It was with the Executive Producer of a new Comedy Central sketch show starring a latino comic.

It was an inauspicious start. The meeting included the Executive Producer taking a phone call in the middle of it, and constantly writing emails on his blackberry. But despite the fact that I'm half Jewish, grew up in a town with no latinos (except for our occasional housekeeper Wilma), and whose main source of jokes previously was Paris Hilton's cooter, I got the job. 

Here are a few memories from each season:

SEASON 1

I was really nervous when I started out, and had no idea what to expect. I remember the first person who introduced herself to me was our dear Pamie. The other writers all seemed great as well, except for our head writer. He was and is, quite literally a comedic genius. Everything he said was hilarious, however most of the time I had no idea what he was saying.

He called me into his office the first week and told me he had 2 ideas for the show that he wanted me to write up. I took this very seriously. He starts going through them and my balls immediately contracted into my stomach - I didn't know what he was talking about. The ideas didn't make sense, I didn't know how I would write them or how they would be funny. I asked several follow up questions and he tried to explain, but it didn't help. This guy lived in his own, very brilliant mind.

I went back to my office and freaked the fuck out. What would I do? I made a couple of attempts, but nothing. A couple days went by and he didn't ask about it. Then a week went by. As we were leaving one night, he says that "we'll read your stuff tomorrow". Meaning we would read that stuff I supposedly had written in front of everyone. Needless to say it was a bad night. I knew for sure that I was fired. My writing career was over.

The next day I went in and his office door was closed and the lights were out. I asked someone, "where's the head writer?" Their response:

"You haven't heard? He got fired"

It was the best day I had that season.

Season 1 was bad for me. The new head writer was a Harvard guy. He brought in his buddy, another Harvard guy. Pamie soon left for a big network sitcom that we still enjoy today, "Hot Properties". The Harvard guys joined up with another guy and commandeered the show. We'd sit in a room with them, they'd go pitch Ned and the Executive Producer, and it looked like the rest of us weren't doing anything.

To make matters worse, my office mate was the Host's "friend", a fellow standup comedian. He was and still is, a lunatic. He had no ability to have a regular job. He would constantly bite his nails, pick his toes and his nose, and then dig his disgusting hand into my brand new box of Wheat Thins. He was illiterate. He would ask me how to spell words like "Vegas" and "Diego"...and he's Mexican!!! He talked incessantly, mostly in his standup routines and of "knocking motherfuckers out". Every weekend he had a new fight story, many times accompanied by fresh stab wounds. He made it impossible for me to break out and do good work.

I can only lay claim to two things that season, and I like them both. One was the "Sean Juan Collection", our fashion line which included "Cholo Pants" - long shorts with socks sewn into them. And the other thing was something that was in my packet that helped get me hired, "Desperate Gardeners". "Desperate Housewives" had just started and Eva Longoria's affair with the handsome gardener was the big story line, so we went out to talk to real gardeners in LA to see if any of them looked like Jesse Metcalfe and had affairs with any hot ladies. Then we took pictures of some of them and made a "Desperate Gardeners" calender, here's one of them...

Anyway, at the end of the season we learned that we were pretty much a hit and that there would be a second season. It was up in the air as to whether I would be asked back. I honestly didn't know. I barely got anything on, the powers that be didn't know about the contributions I was making in the writer's room. The only thing I had going for me was that the host liked me. A few months later, I was barely hired back, my office mate wasn't, but I had to put up or shut up. I knew if I didn't show my stuff, I would be fired just as quickly as the first head writer was.


Coming soon...Season 2, I turn into Weird Al Handleman, and rarely seen footage of me dancing...

Facebook Is Slightly Retarded

So I joined Facebook not long ago. I didn't wanna do it, those things are a tad gay. The reason I finally took the plunge is kind of a long story that no one believes, but I've been trying to get in contact with a good friend from high school about a pitch. I couldn't find him anywhere, and then he popped up as a friend of my good friend's facebook. If I wanted to email him, I had to join. So there you go, that's my excuse.

Anyway, so I'm on there and it's fine. It's funny to see people you haven't seen in 15 years and who they married and how many kids they have and how old I suddenly am. Yeah, it's a real joy. But here's the thing I don't get about this whole thing...

People find me on there and ask to be my friend. Fine, great. So I confirm them as my friend and that's it, it's over. After we're confirmed, they don't send me a message or email me or anything. So...we're friends? You want to be friends with me but you don't wanna say what's up or how ya doing or it's been awhile? I'm just some statistic for you? Yeah, you're real popular.

The strangest thing of all happened a couple days ago. There's a girl at work that I don't really talk to. We've said maybe 2 sentences to each other. And then I got a friend request from her on Facebook. I thought it was a little strange, but of course I accepted it. Hours later she commented on my photo, asking if the kid in the picture "belonged to me".

I responded and said, "no. that's my nephew. he likes to poop." (the picture is of Toots on the toilet)


Mere minutes later, she responded with another comment. At this point, we had communicated more through Facebook than we had in our entire lives. Keep in mind, while all of this going on she is two offices down from me, literally 20 feet away.

Later that night, I was standing in the hallway backstage before our show was gonna start. Here comes the Facebook girl right towards me. She glances at me, but walks right on by. Not a word.

And that is why Facebook is slightly retarded.

Here Comes the Dirt

Not to pile on or anything, but I think this going to be a big story in the upcoming days. This is from Newsweek. You know, if the McCain camp is doing this to throw Palin under the bus and as an excuse for losing, that's kinda lame. I mean, weren't they the ones who chose her as the running mate? Um, that's why you get to know someone before choosing your VP, it's kind of an important decision there...

"Now that the 2008 election is over, reporters are spilling all the juciest, and previously off the record, gossip from the campaign trail. Much of it is about the infighting between Palin and McCain's staff, as Newsweek's treasure trove of post-election gossip reveals.

McCain aides were terrified of Palin's lack of knowledge of international and national issues, and even basic civics. Cameron reports that Palin was unfamiliar with the concept of "American exceptionalism," and that not only did she not understand that Africa was a continent rather than a single country but also that during debate prep Palin was unable to name all the nations in North America.

Palin was apparently a nightmare for her campaign staff to deal with. She refused preparation help for her interview with Katie Couric and then blamed her staff, specifically Nicole Wallace, when the interview was rightly panned as a disaster. After the Couric interview, Palin turned nasty with her staff and began to accuse them of mishandling her. Palin would view press clippings of herself in the morning and throw "tantrums" over the negative coverage. There were times when she would be so nasty and angry that her staff was reduced to tears.

One night, Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter went to her hotel room to brief her. After a minute, Palin sailed into the room wearing nothing but a towel, with another on her wet hair. She told them to chat with her laconic husband, Todd. "I'll be just a minute," she said."

Huge News! DeAnna Breaks Up With Jesse (also, there's a black President)

I knew it would never last. DeAnna was just way too into Brad and Graham to settle down with a well endowed schnozz like Jesse. She thinks she's better than him. She's not. And it kinda sounds like she was a bitch about it.

All right, let's talk about the election.

If the Democrats didn't win this one, they'd literally never win again. It really was a perfect storm, but they did tempt fate by nominating a black dude named Barack Hussein Obama. Seriously. Between the last 8 years of incompetence, a bad war, the economy falling apart, and the stock market losing 10,000 points a month and a half before the election, that's the only thing that kept it close.

McCain did have some stufft going for him though. He's a maverick, remember? He's not as tied to the Republicans as most Republicans. And did I mention he was running against a black dude with a funny name and no experience? As I said at the time, it was nominating Palin that blew it for him. Yeah, she fired up the base. But she turned off everyone else. I have two good friends that are Republican - not Bible thumping types, just people who don't like paying taxes and are kinda conservative. One of them voted for Obama, and the other didn't vote at all. The reason: Palin.

It was such a stupid decision, I can't say it enough. I just don't get it. It took away his ability to claim the experience and "ready to be President" issue. It also made him look like a guy who makes some bad decisions about important stuff...like the time he said "the fundamentals of the economy are strong" and when he fake suspended his campaign. To win an election, you need the middle. And she is middle poison. And now there's been this crazy talk of Palin 2012. Oh man, I hope that is true. Palin 2012? Are these people nuts? Yes, yes they are.

But anyways, it was a historic night. I mean, who would've thought 6 months ago DeAnna would eventually be single?

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And don't let this come true...