Pedophilia

When I came to this glitzy city of angels, I almost immediately succumbed to the pressure and began dating an actress. However, I didn't really take her acting career that seriously because she was also an accountant.

Yes, she had a head shot, yes she was taking acting class, yes she'd go on auditions, yes she was insane, all qualities of an actress... but she also did people's taxes for a living. In my naivete, I kinda thought that meant she was an accountant (I was new in town).

I shook my head as she decided to "learn bar tending". You see, her "day job" was interfering with her auditions. She needed a night job so she could be free during the day to pursue her "real career". She would go to the dumpsters outside bars and nightclubs to find empty liquor bottles to learn her new trade. Necessity is the mother of invention, friends.

Pretty soon, to my shock and amazement, she started getting acting jobs. Mostly commercials. Unfortunately, I got tired of dramatic monologues and watching crappy versions of Neil Simon plays and of hanging out with someone who dug through dumpsters, and I bowed out of the relationship.

After the break up, she started getting bit parts in TV shows - even portraying the girlfriend of a guy who has become a huge star. And after several more years, she landed a leading role on a weekly show. Now people look in her dumpsters...just cause they're, you know, crazy.

I am very happy for her. Proud, even. But I'm also a little disturbed. No, I'm a lot disturbed. I'm completely freaked out about it. Why?

Because the part she is playing is of a high school student. More specifically, she is playing a character who is 15 years old. 15! This was my girlfriend and she passes for 15. That can't be good. If I existed only on TV, I'd be a statutory rapist. A pedophile. I'm Jerry Lee Lewis! Or Elvis. I prefer Elvis. It's funny though, those guys on "To Catch a Predator" never resemble Elvis.

I can't totally blame myself though. It's a little crazy, because:

She is 35 years old.