As you know, I'm a staunch anti-American Idol guy. It's pure evil. It's shocking that anyone watches it. And I guarantee in 20 years we're all gonna look back in embarrassment that it was popular, like we do now with NKOTB, bangs, and Bret Michaels. Oh wait...fuck.
I can't properly express my disgust with this whole thing. It's fucking karaoke, bad karoake, well, is there any other kind? I can't stand the fact that you people have made Randy Jackson think he's somebody. And I guarantee you that if you pick any fat black girl at random and they'd sing better than any of these kids.
So obviously, I'm not a fan and I don't watch. But this season, I kept hearing about this Adam Lambert fellow and how "amazing" he is. He was on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. And then my mom and my sister were going on and on about him a few weeks ago.
I didn't know anything about him, but I was impressed by his ability to seemingly win over homophobic middle America since he is so clearly a homosexual.
Last night, the Lakers were making me a little uncomfortable. I hit the guide to search for something on TV I could switch over to just in case it was too painful to watch. I saw that American Idol was on, and I remembered about the gay kid, so I thought I might as well see what all the fuss was about.
Bynum made his 10th stupid ass foul and Fisher missed his millionth ill-timed shot, so I switched over to Idol. Lambert was just being introduced, and he came out and sang a Sam Cooke song, "Change is Gonna Come".
And it was...awful. Just horrible. No one could think this is good. It sounded like gay Axl Rose singing Sam Cooke. And I don't think Axl Rose was ever known for his "beautiful singing voice". Plus, nice suit, guy. I liked it better when Dustin Hoffman wore it while counting cards in "Rain Man".
You know who he looks like? Oliver from "The OC". Evil Oliver. Evil gay Oliver. Look it up, they're twins, and neither of them has a shred of talent. I felt bad for the black dude jamming on the guitar next to him. Hmmm, I've worked my entire life practicing the guitar, now I'm one of the best in the country, and all of America is looking at evil gay Oliver to my right.
I was shocked. But also excited, because I knew Simon was going to destroy him for it. Randy says he's awesome, the One No One Likes says it was awesome, Paula stands up and cries and upchucks an Oxycontin in praise, and then Simon...loves it too! What the fuck?
Oh yeah, he's a company man. He's a zillionaire and needs another zillion. And this is the finals, I guess. You can't clown on the guy you've hand picked to win the thing. Seriously, what would be the point of any of the judges saying anything bad at this point? It's all bullshit. Even if they're bad, the judges will say they're good. And America follows along.
So I put this to you, good people. What the hell? Can you explain this? This guy is horrible, right? Opening your mouth as wide as you can and screaming isn't singing, correct? Please, someone help.
Meanwhile, CBS picked up ONE new comedy for next season. One. And it's your fault.
7 comments:
Well at first it did kind of seem like Adam Lambert was awesome. Then it all kind of started to go downhill for some reason but even though he sounded worse the judges seemed to love him more. Then I just started to doubt my ability to judge good vocal talent at all b/c I sort of hated them all and the judges sort of seemed to love them all and said it was the best season ever. I think what we are all missing at this point is perspective. That "just flipped over from the game, holy crap this guy sucks" perspective. So yeah, it's a mystery.
I thought he was really good last night. I didn't think any of the others were any good at all all season but I think he has some talent. Just being on American Idol gives performers a lousy name in my book but there are a few exceptions. I think Kelly Clarkson is really good and Jennifer Hudson, who I saw in person last night, has an amazing voice. And she didn't even win. I just wish Jennifer could find some better songs. But, you are right, she is a fat black girl, but much, much better than most.
I would totally watch a show called "Anti-American Idol"!
I have never watched American Idol and don't plan to. My office mate does, and she asked me once why I don't watch it. "Do you not like music?" she asked. I didn't know how to respond to that. Anything I could've said would've made her think that no, I don't like music. She likes Nickelback, so there was no point to that conversation, right?
She did like Adam Lambert at first, she said. Then she said he started screaming and she didn't like him anymore.
Well Irwin, it looks like Clay Aiken agrees with you......
I was listening to someone talking about the show on the radio, and they said there was a guy who was criticized for choosing an "obscure" song to sing, and he defended himself by saying that he was "just trying to be creative", to which Simon replied, "It's OK to be creative, but not on this show." That pretty much says it all.
I never saw it before but he totally does look like evil Oliver!
Post a Comment