The Jay Leno Show Featuring Crying Kanye

The new Leno show premiered last night. There’s been a lot of build up to this, and way too much promotion. Jay even made a joke about being sick of the promos – which is crazy because normally everyone is all pissed about not getting advertised enough. This guy is pissed about getting too much. No wonder everyone here hates Leno.

Anyway, I’m not a Leno fan. But I don’t hate on the people who like Leno. That’s fine. It’s not my cup of tea, but hey, if the morons in the Midwest think he’s hilarious, so be it.

I’m also kind of glad it happened. I make my living in the comedy and variety world, so if more of those type of shows can get on primetime on network TV, that’s all right with me. So really, I'm rooting for this thing to succeed.

So I watched last night, just because of the curiosity factor, and I was expecting it to be mediocre – typical Leno, but I was wrong. It was worse.

The usual Jay stuff wasn’t the problem. His monologue was fine if you like him, and so were headlines, again, if you like that. That’s standard Leno. The problem was the fact that it’s an hour long show, which it was before, but now there aren’t as many guests. So everything is stretched.

I was watching the bit where he “interviewed” Obama – they placed Leno in Obama’s 60 Minutes interview – a bit that is about a thousand years old. Anyway, I watched it for a few minutes, then turned to the football game for what I thought was a good 10 minutes, then flipped back to Leno and the Obama bit was STILL PLAYING.

Same goes for the Dan Band’s car wash bit. And the weird thing is, they’re not even trying to break it up with any quick comedy. It’s just one crazy long thing to another. They have 23 writers on staff, you’d think they could throw in a funny little bit going to or coming out of commercial. But no, it's clear they're trying to stick with what worked at 11:30. Yeah, but now you don't have the luxury of interviewing the chick from the zoo, so you might have to come up with some new shit.

Also, does anyone watch these talk shows for the interviews? I think most people watch, especially Leno lovers, for the monologue and the desk bit right after. Then at exactly midnight, you go to bed just as the first guest is coming out. But now it’s not midnight, it’s 10:15, and you have to listen Katherine Heigl complain about working so hard or about what an insufferable bitch she is.

The first guest tonight was Seinfeld. I usually like him, and he’s one of the rare celebrities I would listen to get interviewed. But here he had to laboriously get them into a bit with Oprah. And then he kept talking, and I realized he’s turned into Eddie Murphy or Chevy Chase or Maverick from Top Gun and just completely lost his edge. He’s not funny anymore, and he never will be. And I turned the channel again.

And finally, the worst part of the show. The Kanye interview.

Okay, I was under the impression that it wasn’t that big of a deal. I know we were all getting fake upset on the internet today, but it’s not like he did something really bad, like shake the shit out of Tila Tequila. Yeah, it was a dick thing to do, but it’s the stupid VMA’s, who cares?

However, Leno and Kanye were treating it like he cheated on Liz Hurley with a hooker. Kanye was practically crying.

Really?

What happened to being a rock star? Own it, dude. You’re nuts. That’s you. There’s no turning back now, just go with it. Not to mention the fact that he was right. Sure, he shouldn’t have done it, but we all know that Taylor swift winning that award was a joke. When was the last time you even saw a music video? That Beyonce shit was everywhere. I think the only place kids see videos these days is on youtube, not MTV.

Taylor’s video has been viewed 3 million times on youtube. Beyonce’s? 65 million. Suck on that, asian eyed white girl.

Also, later in the night Beyonce won Video of the Year. How the fuck are you Video of the Year and not Female Video of the Year? That shit is so rigged and so dumb, I’m actually glad Kanye did that. Someone should have, it’s just too bad it was that lunatic.

Back to Kanye on Leno…

Everyone is acting like it’s some huge score for Jay that he got Kanye right after the VMA’s. Oh, what a scandal, Kanye interrupted an awards show…again. But it seems everyone is forgetting the fact that fucking Rihanna is right there! She got the shit beat out of her, and no one has talked to her! That's like being in a threesome with Mila Kunis and Kanye and spending all your time playing with Kanye's junk. Get to banging Mila, motherfucker!

So Kanye cries, to Jay Leno of all people – suddenly the show turns into Oprah. And Jay has the nerve to ask Kanye "what would your mom think of this?". Oh man. You do not talk to a black man about his mama, especially his recently dead mama. The Kanye I used to know what slap that chin right off of him.

But no, that Kanye is gone. He's dead, buried in a bad haircut. He breaks down, gets teary eyed...and then immediately gets up on stage and performs “Run This Town”. What town are you running, crying man? Weepyville? Bitchylvania? Get off the stage, before Jay Z makes you blow him in a show of power.

And take that bald bitch with you.