The Yankees won the World Series last night, and thank God...that baseball season is over. Enough already. I felt like I'd start watching an inning, flip over and watch an entire episode of something, then flip back and it would still be the same inning. Can we invent a better cup at this point? The way they maneuver those things around there is something wrong. You invent a comfortable cup and the average game length gets cut by a half an hour.
But congrats to the Bronx Bombers, it must feel great to spend a hundred million dollars more than anyone else, and also use steroids, and win. Nothing like a good, clean win on a level playing field. Yeah, baseball is dumb.
Anyway, Hideki Matsui was the MVP. I know 3 things about Hideki: he's from Japan, his nickname is Godzilla, and he has horrible, horrible skin. Oh, and a giant head. That's 4 things. But today I learned something else. He's a happily married man. Yep, settled down with a nice young lady from Japan. And since I adore Asian the way I do, I figured I'd check her out.
Well, she is even more stunning than I could've imagined. Here is the only known photo of the happy couple together:
Isn't she lovely? I love the way she's doing her hair now.
This is a real photo from a real newspaper about Hideki's real marriage to that real drawing. I'm not making this up. This was the caption underneath:
It's not exactly a glossy portrait, but it's got that homemade touch; Hideki Matsui shows a sketch of his new wife during a press conference at a hotel in Tampa on Thursday.
"Shows a sketch of his new wife..."
I heard the guy that drew that is the guy who used to draw the Menendez brothers. Here's more from the article:
"Matsui refused to reveal many details about Wednesday's wedding or his new wife, only saying she is 25 and from Japan, where she formerly worked "in a reputable position at a highly respected company."
Why pencil? At least color that shit in with some crayons or something. What the fuck is going on in Japan? I feel like that question cannot be asked enough. I have a hard time believing a woman who looks that slutty works at any "highly respected company". I mean, look at her. So trashy. She could at least show less skin for that press conference. And she's totally staring at the guy in the front row to her left.
One last thing from the article:
"Matsui, also known back home for his large collection of porn films, said he and his wife have been planning their wedding for a year."
Does it count as a collection if they're just stored on your hard drive? And how do you get "known" for that? Does your mom walk in on you and just start telling the whole neighborhood? It would seem you'd have to go out of your way to become famous for that. I'm like Tyler Perry, I keep my shit on the D.L.
That's why you have to be really careful about what you do as a celebrity - you don't want "known for your large collection of porn films" in every article ever written about you. The porn label sticks, my friend, trust me. I wonder if the drawing knows about this. I also wonder if he'll get sick of having sex with his wife and start masturbating to the drawing. Does he have other drawings, like with her boobs and stuff?
All right, that's it. Congrats to the Yanks, who are known back home for their steroid use, STD's, extensive porn collection, and saddest of all, for going out with Kate Hudson.