Live together, die alone...
Two days ago you were summoned to come together as one unstoppable force and watch my show. Well, the bigwigs took note. And they ordered 6 more episodes! They claim it's because our show costs nothing to produce and they had nothing else to put on the air. But I know different. I know the Irwin Army spoke loudly, and could not be ignored. Mike Brady was wrong, you can fight city hall.
Many thanks.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Watch My Show, Please
You may or may not have noticed, but there is suddenly a million TV clip shows about the internet. And I'm the only man in America who has worked on all of them. Well, not all of them, but many of them. I started on one a few months ago, and then was "wooed" over to a different one. That's why I'm known as the "Benedict Arnold" of the internet clip show world.
Now, in my travails in the comedy world, I've been quite surprised in the way other comedy writers are proud of their shows. I'd run into Leno writers who thought they were doing ground breaking shit. You're on Leno, dick. I respect that you have a job, but you might wanna keep it quiet. You don't hear me going on and on about how I'm responsible for how hilarious Carson Daly is.
This always confused me. We're in comedy. Self deprecating should be the rule. The only thing I've taken pride in is how strongly I make fun of the stuff I've worked on. At a certain point, it's all just shit and dick jokes anyway.
But I have to say, I'm kinda proud of the stuff we're doing on the show I'm working on right now. It's not that we're doing genius shit, but for the most part, we're doing funny stuff and - and this the key point - NO ONE IS WATCHING. Our ratings suck. I think if a lot of people were watching, I wouldn't be proud. I'd be embarrassed - all you fuckers are watching this? Open a book, for Christ Sakes. There's something in our underdog status that is making me uppity.
This week's episode airs tomorrow night, and it's a pretty good one. The show is called Tosh.O, and it's on Comedy Central at 10pm (7pm Pacific if you have Direct TV).
We do a segment called "Web Redemption". It's where we take someone who has become infamous on the web for fucking up, and give them a second chance to, in the words of Harry Dunne, "totally redeem themselves!" Even people who hate our show (hello, Washington Post), admit that Web Redemption is a good idea. We've redeemed the Afro Ninja, the Leave Britney Alone Guy, and Miss South Carolina, and many others.
2 weeks ago, I pitched a redemption for one of my favorite horrible rap videos. It's a little number called "Why Must I Cry" by Reh Dogg. It features a small black man, Reh Dogg, rapping in the shower. No one was that enthusiastic about doing it, mostly because we didn't know if we could truly redeem him. But I got a tentative nod to proceed with it. So I emailed Reh Dogg right through his youtube account. I said I worked for a show on Comedy Central, and asked if he would be interested in coming out.
He answered me back pretty quickly, and didn't seem at all fazed that some random dude had emailed him and offered him a spot on TV. As a matter of fact, it was almost as if he was expecting to hear from me. He wasn't suspicious or anything, he just was cool with the fact that I was offering him a plane ticket and a hotel room. Keep in mind, this is all stemming from the fact that he put a terrible, terrible video of himself online. Suck is the new talent. We're through the looking glass here, people.
A week after my first email, Reh Dogg was sitting in my office eating pizza next to me - shockingly, his schedule was flexible. It was so weird; this guy whose video I'd watched a million times (it's actually been watched 2.6 million times, but not just by me) was now hanging out with us and saying how much he loved the film "House Bunny". I kid you not.
Up until the last minute we had no idea what we were going to do. How can you redeem Reh Dogg? He pretty much hit it out of the park on his own. We finally threw something together, totally last minute, and somehow the Reh Dogg redemption became one of our best. That's right, I am involved in yet another rap video. But this one's got auto-tune. Can you feel me, T-Pain?
So please check it out, it will come on around the 10 minute mark. We really need the ratings, and I really need a second season. I have a mortgage to think about.
Thanks!
Now, in my travails in the comedy world, I've been quite surprised in the way other comedy writers are proud of their shows. I'd run into Leno writers who thought they were doing ground breaking shit. You're on Leno, dick. I respect that you have a job, but you might wanna keep it quiet. You don't hear me going on and on about how I'm responsible for how hilarious Carson Daly is.
This always confused me. We're in comedy. Self deprecating should be the rule. The only thing I've taken pride in is how strongly I make fun of the stuff I've worked on. At a certain point, it's all just shit and dick jokes anyway.
But I have to say, I'm kinda proud of the stuff we're doing on the show I'm working on right now. It's not that we're doing genius shit, but for the most part, we're doing funny stuff and - and this the key point - NO ONE IS WATCHING. Our ratings suck. I think if a lot of people were watching, I wouldn't be proud. I'd be embarrassed - all you fuckers are watching this? Open a book, for Christ Sakes. There's something in our underdog status that is making me uppity.
This week's episode airs tomorrow night, and it's a pretty good one. The show is called Tosh.O, and it's on Comedy Central at 10pm (7pm Pacific if you have Direct TV).
We do a segment called "Web Redemption". It's where we take someone who has become infamous on the web for fucking up, and give them a second chance to, in the words of Harry Dunne, "totally redeem themselves!" Even people who hate our show (hello, Washington Post), admit that Web Redemption is a good idea. We've redeemed the Afro Ninja, the Leave Britney Alone Guy, and Miss South Carolina, and many others.
2 weeks ago, I pitched a redemption for one of my favorite horrible rap videos. It's a little number called "Why Must I Cry" by Reh Dogg. It features a small black man, Reh Dogg, rapping in the shower. No one was that enthusiastic about doing it, mostly because we didn't know if we could truly redeem him. But I got a tentative nod to proceed with it. So I emailed Reh Dogg right through his youtube account. I said I worked for a show on Comedy Central, and asked if he would be interested in coming out.
He answered me back pretty quickly, and didn't seem at all fazed that some random dude had emailed him and offered him a spot on TV. As a matter of fact, it was almost as if he was expecting to hear from me. He wasn't suspicious or anything, he just was cool with the fact that I was offering him a plane ticket and a hotel room. Keep in mind, this is all stemming from the fact that he put a terrible, terrible video of himself online. Suck is the new talent. We're through the looking glass here, people.
A week after my first email, Reh Dogg was sitting in my office eating pizza next to me - shockingly, his schedule was flexible. It was so weird; this guy whose video I'd watched a million times (it's actually been watched 2.6 million times, but not just by me) was now hanging out with us and saying how much he loved the film "House Bunny". I kid you not.
Up until the last minute we had no idea what we were going to do. How can you redeem Reh Dogg? He pretty much hit it out of the park on his own. We finally threw something together, totally last minute, and somehow the Reh Dogg redemption became one of our best. That's right, I am involved in yet another rap video. But this one's got auto-tune. Can you feel me, T-Pain?
So please check it out, it will come on around the 10 minute mark. We really need the ratings, and I really need a second season. I have a mortgage to think about.
Thanks!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
The Fat Bachelor Finally Happens
Well, it was only matter of time, people. The fat bachelor finally got made. And oh what a shock: it's the good folks at Fox who got her done. I feel like I've been waiting for this show forever, and I guess in some ways, I have...
What took so long? Aren't 90% of Americans overweight? I guess even overweight people want to watch underweight people.
I was considering doing a recap, but then changed my mind. First, the show is terrible. Second, because the show is terrible, it would've just turned into a bunch of fat jokes. I'm trying not to be a part of the problem.
But a couple of notes on the first episode:
The "bachelor" Luke isn't crazy fat. Okay, it just said he's 330 pounds. That's pretty big, but he wears it fairly well...for a giant fat guy. It's a little difficult to transition to him though coming off of Kiptyn's 12 pack last night. But I relate to this guy more than Kiptyn, because honestly, when does Kiptyn find the time to do all those damn situps? Get a job, motherfucker! Stop with all the crunches.
The "host" is Emme, a "plus sized model". You know what a plus sized model is? Not a model.
Crazy: things start off in front of a mansion as limos pull up with the ladies. Oh, the imagination. I like that they're not even trying to disguise it (i do believe however, this is produced by the same Bachelor people. But come on).
As each girl comes out of the limo, they give their height and weight. What the fuck? That's kinda rude. I bet they lost half their pool of contestants when they found out they had to give their weight on national TV. Even skinny girls don't give out that info.
Several of the girls were crying during their interview before the show even started. Okay, this is officially just sad.
A lot of them are waitresses. Not doing obvious "they're around food a lot" joke. Whoops, just did it.
Heaviest girl: 297 pounds. I gotta be honest, she doesn't look 297.
I don't know if I'm going another episode on this. It's too gimmicky or something. And when it comes down to it, there are tons of variations of bachelor shows. Why would I watch one with unattractive girls with no propensity towards fist fighting.
You gotta have either one, or preferably both. Hot girls fighting, that's the key, I guess. And this show doesn't have it.
Another post coming tomorrow night.
Later.
What took so long? Aren't 90% of Americans overweight? I guess even overweight people want to watch underweight people.
I was considering doing a recap, but then changed my mind. First, the show is terrible. Second, because the show is terrible, it would've just turned into a bunch of fat jokes. I'm trying not to be a part of the problem.
But a couple of notes on the first episode:
The "bachelor" Luke isn't crazy fat. Okay, it just said he's 330 pounds. That's pretty big, but he wears it fairly well...for a giant fat guy. It's a little difficult to transition to him though coming off of Kiptyn's 12 pack last night. But I relate to this guy more than Kiptyn, because honestly, when does Kiptyn find the time to do all those damn situps? Get a job, motherfucker! Stop with all the crunches.
The "host" is Emme, a "plus sized model". You know what a plus sized model is? Not a model.
Crazy: things start off in front of a mansion as limos pull up with the ladies. Oh, the imagination. I like that they're not even trying to disguise it (i do believe however, this is produced by the same Bachelor people. But come on).
As each girl comes out of the limo, they give their height and weight. What the fuck? That's kinda rude. I bet they lost half their pool of contestants when they found out they had to give their weight on national TV. Even skinny girls don't give out that info.
Several of the girls were crying during their interview before the show even started. Okay, this is officially just sad.
A lot of them are waitresses. Not doing obvious "they're around food a lot" joke. Whoops, just did it.
Heaviest girl: 297 pounds. I gotta be honest, she doesn't look 297.
I don't know if I'm going another episode on this. It's too gimmicky or something. And when it comes down to it, there are tons of variations of bachelor shows. Why would I watch one with unattractive girls with no propensity towards fist fighting.
You gotta have either one, or preferably both. Hot girls fighting, that's the key, I guess. And this show doesn't have it.
Another post coming tomorrow night.
Later.
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Comedy Cliches
My friend and I recently had a discussion about overused comedy cliches. This topic came up because he was told in a meeting that "How I Met Your Mother" invented the phrase "wait for it" - which of course, is total bullshit. That's like saying Magic Johnson invented the no look pass or the high five or the AIDS.
It's doubtful you can trace the origins of "wait for it". All we know is, it was definitely around since before "How I Met Your Mother" (I remember my friend Susan using it in '03 and it being played out then) and people have been using the shit out of it for years.
There was another comedy cliche in "500 Days of Summer" that I forgot about. It hasn't been used that much recently, but I've seen it a million times. And it always gets a laugh. Always. It never fails. And sure enough, when it happened in "500 Days" the theater cracked up.
It's this one:
Guy finally gets laid, he wakes up in the morning with a shit eating grin and a newfound bounce in his step and some kind of "happy music".
People really love that for some reason. That's how hard up dudes have it, when they finally get some ass blue birds fly on their shoulder. I think the most famous version is from "Big". But there's countless others, and now "500 Days" is added to that illustrious list.
So, the movie...
It was okay, I was a little disappointed. It could've been edited tighter. Also, they shouldn't have given away the ending at the start. It seemed to ruin any surprise and made it feel even longer. Plus, there was a key sequence in the script that was amazing. The little sister says, "when you look back, don't just remember the good things..."
And then we cut to scenes we've already seen but we see them differently. It's pretty powerful the way it was written, and I don't think they pulled it off in the movie version.
Then of course, there was Zooey. Just homely. There's no other word, friends. She is. It's indisputable. And there's this embarrassing sequence where they describe her as setting the record for guy's doing double takes when they see her because of her beauty, and how her sheer gorgeousness caused sales to go up at the store she worked at.
It was the funniest part of the movie.
And here's the big fuck you (at least to me, personally): when I read the script, I thought about the (the million) actresses I'd rather see in the role. Near the top of the list: Minka Kelly. And who appears at the end of the movie? Minka fucking Kelly.
How do you have the nerve to have the girl who should've played Summer be the girl at the end? That's the movie I wanna watch! That's the girl that's out of your league who breaks your heart. Zooey Deschanel is Minka's ugly, quirky friend who you tell your problems to after Minka cheats on you with Riggins. But even you can't complain too much cause Riggins is so awesome, with his tousled hair and devil may care attitude...
All right, I'm getting side tracked by Riggins. But the point is, here's why Zooey Deschanel is my arch nemesis:
I did this google search today: "zooey deschanel unattractive"
And the search came back: "did you mean 'zooey deschanel attractive?'"
Damn you, Deschanel! Stop ruining everything!
p.s. Congratulations to Ed and Jillian, and let me be the first to say: Happy Sexless Marriage!
It's doubtful you can trace the origins of "wait for it". All we know is, it was definitely around since before "How I Met Your Mother" (I remember my friend Susan using it in '03 and it being played out then) and people have been using the shit out of it for years.
There was another comedy cliche in "500 Days of Summer" that I forgot about. It hasn't been used that much recently, but I've seen it a million times. And it always gets a laugh. Always. It never fails. And sure enough, when it happened in "500 Days" the theater cracked up.
It's this one:
Guy finally gets laid, he wakes up in the morning with a shit eating grin and a newfound bounce in his step and some kind of "happy music".
People really love that for some reason. That's how hard up dudes have it, when they finally get some ass blue birds fly on their shoulder. I think the most famous version is from "Big". But there's countless others, and now "500 Days" is added to that illustrious list.
So, the movie...
It was okay, I was a little disappointed. It could've been edited tighter. Also, they shouldn't have given away the ending at the start. It seemed to ruin any surprise and made it feel even longer. Plus, there was a key sequence in the script that was amazing. The little sister says, "when you look back, don't just remember the good things..."
And then we cut to scenes we've already seen but we see them differently. It's pretty powerful the way it was written, and I don't think they pulled it off in the movie version.
Then of course, there was Zooey. Just homely. There's no other word, friends. She is. It's indisputable. And there's this embarrassing sequence where they describe her as setting the record for guy's doing double takes when they see her because of her beauty, and how her sheer gorgeousness caused sales to go up at the store she worked at.
It was the funniest part of the movie.
And here's the big fuck you (at least to me, personally): when I read the script, I thought about the (the million) actresses I'd rather see in the role. Near the top of the list: Minka Kelly. And who appears at the end of the movie? Minka fucking Kelly.
How do you have the nerve to have the girl who should've played Summer be the girl at the end? That's the movie I wanna watch! That's the girl that's out of your league who breaks your heart. Zooey Deschanel is Minka's ugly, quirky friend who you tell your problems to after Minka cheats on you with Riggins. But even you can't complain too much cause Riggins is so awesome, with his tousled hair and devil may care attitude...
All right, I'm getting side tracked by Riggins. But the point is, here's why Zooey Deschanel is my arch nemesis:
I did this google search today: "zooey deschanel unattractive"
And the search came back: "did you mean 'zooey deschanel attractive?'"
Damn you, Deschanel! Stop ruining everything!
p.s. Congratulations to Ed and Jillian, and let me be the first to say: Happy Sexless Marriage!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Awkward Moment at the Office
We shot a sketch in our office. I was sitting at my desk, and a guy came up to me and said "hey Irwin, how are you?" I didn't recognize him at all. He could tell. So he goes "It's Scott! Carrie's husband".
And then I remembered. He's the husband of my ex-girlfriend. After we broke up, he was the first guy she went out with and not too long after they were living together and then married. He's a "director of photography".
So I said Hi and we briefly talked. A little awkward.
Later on in the day, they finally got done shooting the sketch and he came into the writer's room, where we were working with our Host. He leaned in and said:
"Good seeing you, Irwin. Later."
ME: Yeah, good seeing you, Scott".
And our Host didn't know the situation. And he looks at the both of us, and goes:
"What? Did you two used to fuck each other or something?
Uncomfortable silence. And then Scott answers:
"Sorta"
Oh, and also, the sketch involved me getting into a shower with this guy...
This is what I do for a living.
And then I remembered. He's the husband of my ex-girlfriend. After we broke up, he was the first guy she went out with and not too long after they were living together and then married. He's a "director of photography".
So I said Hi and we briefly talked. A little awkward.
Later on in the day, they finally got done shooting the sketch and he came into the writer's room, where we were working with our Host. He leaned in and said:
"Good seeing you, Irwin. Later."
ME: Yeah, good seeing you, Scott".
And our Host didn't know the situation. And he looks at the both of us, and goes:
"What? Did you two used to fuck each other or something?
Uncomfortable silence. And then Scott answers:
"Sorta"
Oh, and also, the sketch involved me getting into a shower with this guy...
This is what I do for a living.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Overheard at Last Night's Taping
Two women stood behind me, one said to the other:
"But by the time I get AIDS, they should have a cure".
"But by the time I get AIDS, they should have a cure".
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
500 Days of Summer
As you may remember, I had 3 movies that I was excited to see this summer. They were:
1. "The Hangover"
2. "Year One"
3. "500 Days of Summer"
Everything kicked off great with "The Hangover", which somehow managed to meet the high expectations set by the trailer. Then came "Year One"...didn't see it. I really wanted to see it, but I sorta got talked out of it. It's a rental. And now "500 Days of Summer" has come out.
I haven't seen it yet, but let's review the situation:
I read the script for it 6 months ago and was blown away. It's an amazing script. Excitement level was high. Then I found out that my arch nemesis Zooey Deschanel was cast as the female lead. Excitement level dropped. It was a tragedy of Katherine Heigl in anything proportions.
So, as sort of a tuneup, I watched "Yes, Man" last week (Zooey is in it). I did not have a problem with her in that, but only because she was perfectly as cast as an "alternative free spirit" type. Yes! That's what she's good for. She's an alternative, free spirit, unconventional, borderline homely type. You go out with her after Molly Sims rejects you. Perfect.
I don't know which I dislike more
1. "The Hangover"
2. "Year One"
3. "500 Days of Summer"
Everything kicked off great with "The Hangover", which somehow managed to meet the high expectations set by the trailer. Then came "Year One"...didn't see it. I really wanted to see it, but I sorta got talked out of it. It's a rental. And now "500 Days of Summer" has come out.
I haven't seen it yet, but let's review the situation:
I read the script for it 6 months ago and was blown away. It's an amazing script. Excitement level was high. Then I found out that my arch nemesis Zooey Deschanel was cast as the female lead. Excitement level dropped. It was a tragedy of Katherine Heigl in anything proportions.
So, as sort of a tuneup, I watched "Yes, Man" last week (Zooey is in it). I did not have a problem with her in that, but only because she was perfectly as cast as an "alternative free spirit" type. Yes! That's what she's good for. She's an alternative, free spirit, unconventional, borderline homely type. You go out with her after Molly Sims rejects you. Perfect.
I don't know which I dislike moreWill she ruin this movie for me? The verdict is out. I will be back with the review soon...
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Things I Didn't Know to Be Scared Of
Just ran across this headline:
Lawsuit: Dentist Dropped Tools Down Man's Throat
I was already borderline about going to the dentist, and it had nothing to do with the possibility of shit being dropped down my throat. Thanks a lot, news.
I was just going to post that headline, but then I made the mistake of actually clicking on it and reading the story.
WINTER PARK, Fla. – A Florida dentist is being sued for allegedly dropping tools down the throat of an elderly patient — twice. The lawsuit says the doctor dropped an "implant screwdriver tool" in 2006 and a "mini-wrench" in 2007.
TWICE? Last time I checked, no incisors are located near the tonsils. I'm sorry, but you get some tools dropped down your throat once, probably a good idea to find a new dentist. I guess at least it takes away from the normal pain of going to the dentist:
"Did your root canal hurt?"
"It wasn't too bad, especially compared to the screwdriver that I swallowed".
This guy has more tools in his throat than I have in my garage.
How hard is it to hang on to these tools? Who was the dentist, Kwame Brown? And I didn't know that a screwdriver and a wrench were used on teeth. I think Tim Whatley over there went to the Ikea school of dentistry.
"First, I'm going to put in your tooth implant, and then I'm gonna put together my new Lack TV storage unit".
This is why I'm a rabid anti-dentite.
Lawsuit: Dentist Dropped Tools Down Man's Throat
I was already borderline about going to the dentist, and it had nothing to do with the possibility of shit being dropped down my throat. Thanks a lot, news.
I was just going to post that headline, but then I made the mistake of actually clicking on it and reading the story.
WINTER PARK, Fla. – A Florida dentist is being sued for allegedly dropping tools down the throat of an elderly patient — twice. The lawsuit says the doctor dropped an "implant screwdriver tool" in 2006 and a "mini-wrench" in 2007.
TWICE? Last time I checked, no incisors are located near the tonsils. I'm sorry, but you get some tools dropped down your throat once, probably a good idea to find a new dentist. I guess at least it takes away from the normal pain of going to the dentist:
"Did your root canal hurt?"
"It wasn't too bad, especially compared to the screwdriver that I swallowed".
This guy has more tools in his throat than I have in my garage.
How hard is it to hang on to these tools? Who was the dentist, Kwame Brown? And I didn't know that a screwdriver and a wrench were used on teeth. I think Tim Whatley over there went to the Ikea school of dentistry.
"First, I'm going to put in your tooth implant, and then I'm gonna put together my new Lack TV storage unit".
This is why I'm a rabid anti-dentite.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Is It Racist?
This is my favorite moment from the Sotomayor confirmation.
And to the guy who complains when I post videos...shut up.
And to the guy who complains when I post videos...shut up.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Mischa is turning into Oliver
Source: Mischa Barton Placed Under Involuntary Psychiatric Hold
LOS ANGELES, Calif. --
Mischa Barton was placed under an involuntary psychiatric hold (also known as a 5150) by the Los Angeles Police Department and transferred to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center on Wednesday evening, a source close to the situation claimed to Access Hollywood.
On Wednesday, Access broke the news that authorities had responded to the Los Angeles home of the starlet after receiving a non-911 call from her residence around 3 PM. A patrol car responded to the scene and began assisting Barton with a “medical issue,” a spokesperson for the LAPD confirmed to Access on Wednesday evening.
The source claimed that Barton was placed under Section 5150 of the California Welfare and Institutions Code by police and transported to Cedars-Sinai.
According to the code, authorities can hold a person involuntarily if they present a danger to themselves or others, are gravely disabled or suffer from a mental disorder. This same code was used to hold Britney Spears twice in Los Angeles in January 2008.
When asked about information related to the alleged involuntary hold, an LAPD spokesperson would not comment directly. However, the spokesperson did admit that if any person was held under a 5150, authorities would be prohibited from disclosing the information due to Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) laws.
According to the California Welfare and Institutions Code, the hospital can hold Barton involuntarily for up to 72 hours.
A rep for the actress confirmed to Access that Barton will not attend the world premiere of her new film, “Homecoming,” which happens Thursday night in New York City, but released no further details on the star.
Additionally, the director of Barton’s film said in a statement that those involved with the movie were “saddened” Barton will not be at the event.
“I along with everyone on the ‘Homecoming’ team are saddened to hear that Mischa Barton will not be able to attend the film’s premiere tonight in New York,” director Morgan J. Freeman said in a statement to Access on Thursday. “Her performance in ‘Homecoming’ is fantastic, and she will be missed at our premiere.
“We hope she is OK,” Freeman added, “and that her condition is not serious.”
Sources close to the film told Access Barton was due to fly into New York City on Wednesday evening. She had a photo shoot scheduled and was going to head out to the premiere around 3 PM on Thursday.
Barton is the star of “Homecoming,” playing Shelby, the ex-girlfriend of a football player in a small town, who does whatever it takes to get her beau back. The film co-stars Jessica Stroup of “90210” and Matt Long of ABC’s “The Deep End.”
source:http://www.accesshollywood.com/source-mischa-barton-placed-under-involuntary-psychiatric-hold_article_20659
LOS ANGELES, Calif. --
Mischa Barton was placed under an involuntary psychiatric hold (also known as a 5150) by the Los Angeles Police Department and transferred to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center on Wednesday evening, a source close to the situation claimed to Access Hollywood.
On Wednesday, Access broke the news that authorities had responded to the Los Angeles home of the starlet after receiving a non-911 call from her residence around 3 PM. A patrol car responded to the scene and began assisting Barton with a “medical issue,” a spokesperson for the LAPD confirmed to Access on Wednesday evening.
The source claimed that Barton was placed under Section 5150 of the California Welfare and Institutions Code by police and transported to Cedars-Sinai.
According to the code, authorities can hold a person involuntarily if they present a danger to themselves or others, are gravely disabled or suffer from a mental disorder. This same code was used to hold Britney Spears twice in Los Angeles in January 2008.
When asked about information related to the alleged involuntary hold, an LAPD spokesperson would not comment directly. However, the spokesperson did admit that if any person was held under a 5150, authorities would be prohibited from disclosing the information due to Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) laws.
According to the California Welfare and Institutions Code, the hospital can hold Barton involuntarily for up to 72 hours.
A rep for the actress confirmed to Access that Barton will not attend the world premiere of her new film, “Homecoming,” which happens Thursday night in New York City, but released no further details on the star.
Additionally, the director of Barton’s film said in a statement that those involved with the movie were “saddened” Barton will not be at the event.
“I along with everyone on the ‘Homecoming’ team are saddened to hear that Mischa Barton will not be able to attend the film’s premiere tonight in New York,” director Morgan J. Freeman said in a statement to Access on Thursday. “Her performance in ‘Homecoming’ is fantastic, and she will be missed at our premiere.
“We hope she is OK,” Freeman added, “and that her condition is not serious.”
Sources close to the film told Access Barton was due to fly into New York City on Wednesday evening. She had a photo shoot scheduled and was going to head out to the premiere around 3 PM on Thursday.
Barton is the star of “Homecoming,” playing Shelby, the ex-girlfriend of a football player in a small town, who does whatever it takes to get her beau back. The film co-stars Jessica Stroup of “90210” and Matt Long of ABC’s “The Deep End.”
source:http://www.accesshollywood.com/source-mischa-barton-placed-under-involuntary-psychiatric-hold_article_20659
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The Craziest Thing I Saw Today
And yes, it's more Michael Jackson shit. But this is seriously nuts...
>
>
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Bachelorette (with inside info)
Well, I had to revisit the show tonight for a very good reason. A couple weeks ago I was given some very interesting inside information about the proceedings. I was told many things. One of them was that there was a lot of "fucking" going on. But that's not the interesting part. It's that our girl Jillian is quite open about all this "fucking". In fact, when the producers interview her she is not shy about what goes on in the boudoir.
One of the other tidbits that I got was that Jillian was talking about how one of the gentleman was unable to "get it up". As I was being told this, I kinda didn't believe it. I mean, how stupid do you have to be to talk like that on camera? Don't these people watch the show? Or better yet, don't they live in society? These things come out. Always. It just made no sense. Plus, it just seemed too perfect that there would be wiener malfunction in the exact season where we have an unattractive bachelorette.
Is this really gonna happen? They never talk about sex on the show. They imply it with the fantasy suites and all that, but this show normally acts like it's the 1950's. People are stunned to learn someone has been divorced. This would be new ground, and I can't let Bachelor history happen without me. Let's see how this plays out...
We start with Jillian and Kiptyn in Hawaii. They talk and it's boring. And then! ANOTHER fantasy suite card! Well, there you go. You knew when the producers made her turn down the fantasy suite they would make it up to her. There's always a loophole, people. The ho scent is strong in this one, and there is no chance in hell she's saying no again.
Making out commences. And as far we know, Kiptyn gets it up. That man must have the imagination of Steven Spielberg.
Second date is with Reid. Air travel alert! They take the Bachelor's official helicopter. I think the pilot is Rick from Magnum P.I.
Jillian freaks out Reid with marriage talk. He feels "rushed". Reid is the guy who has just kind of been along for the ride, enjoying himself, and suddenly he finds himself in the final 3 and going "wait, I have to be with this girl when this ends? I didn't sign up for this, except for when I did." I wonder if Reid is thinking about all the sex Wes is having in Austin right now.
Jillian says "Reid has such a hard time expressing his emotions". Honey, maybe that's cause he doesn't have any for you.
Jillian is really trying to squeeze it out of Reid right now. She's like Sipowicz, and Reid is the guilty perp who is not physically attracted to her. All he can muster to "are you gonna wanna get married" is a weak "I don't know, maybe...". Jillian says that she can see in Reid's eyes that he's desperate to find the answers. No sweetie, that's panic.
They go to the fantasy suite. So basically she's gonna force him to say "I love you" if he wants the booty. Jill pretends that they're falling in love, even though Reid has given no indication of that. She's delusional. But Reid passes the wiener test!
Ed is up next. He says that his name isn't even really Ed. It's Richie. That would be funny if "little Richie" is the one who can't stand at attention.
They keep playing up the "Ed hasn't been here as long as the other guys". He was gone for a train ride! Seriously, he was barely away. Settle down. But now Ed announces that he has brought his family out to Hawaii for Jillian to meet. That's gonna make for an awkward fantasy suite.
Have you noticed Jillian's ears? Once you see them, you will not be able to see anything else and will wonder how you didn't notice them before. Huge. She's got the Handleman curse.
Ed is wearing short shorts! Like, really short shorts. I think the Seattle Supersonics wore those in 1977.
We meet Ed's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Ed. Mrs. Ed looks exactly like Ed. Interesting note: Mr. Ed has a "reverse Hitler" mustache.
The fantasy suite. Unfortunately, Ed combs his hair. It's not a good look. They move to the bed. Will Little Richie come out and play?
Ed thinks she's "smoking hot". Or so he says. But will Little Richie agree? They seem to be showing us a lot of "action" in the fantasy suite. When do the cameras leave? Ever? Are all of these in a vault somewhere? Are they next to the Ark of the Covenant in some warehouse?
The cameras finally exit...and then a light comes on! Cut back to the room, Ed lies deflated on the bed. Little Richie went off the grid, he went rogue, awol. Jillian talks in some code language which tells us what we already know. Dude couldn't get it done.
According to my people, Jillian was pretty blunt in summing this up when it happened. But I guess they got her to say it a nicer way. And apparently, Jill and Ed tried 3 different times that night. Also, didn't they say "couldn't perform" on a tease a couple weeks ago? I thought that happened, yet they are not going there tonight at all. Weird.
It doesn't matter, Kiptyn is a goner...
ROSE CEREMONY
Have you ever seen the footage of when Saddam took power in Iraq and called a meeting of the entire government and began reading names, and each name he called, a guy stood up, and was ushered out of the room and immediately shot? This is what these rose ceremonies have been like to everyone but Ed. Getting your name called is a very bad thing.
They're lined up, but Jillian wants to talk to Ed before she makes the call. They talk. She asks him about his "issues". He gives her the "I've got a lot on my mind" excuse. Yeah, it has nothing to do with your ears at all.
They go back. I think Jillian likes Ed because he is the only one who is a worse dresser than she is.
KIPTYN gets the first rose! My bad.
ED is in.
Reid breathes a sigh of relief. His strategy of making it obvious that he had no feelings for her finally paid off. She finally took the hint.
It's funny, at this point of the show, normally the 3rd to last girl eliminated is pissed. She thought she was going the distance, and is all broken up about it. But now Jillian and Reid talk, and it's Jillian who is crying. Reid is thinking about meeting up with Wes.
Reid leaves and Jillian continues balling. She's stuck with her big eared brother and the Eunuch.
One of the other tidbits that I got was that Jillian was talking about how one of the gentleman was unable to "get it up". As I was being told this, I kinda didn't believe it. I mean, how stupid do you have to be to talk like that on camera? Don't these people watch the show? Or better yet, don't they live in society? These things come out. Always. It just made no sense. Plus, it just seemed too perfect that there would be wiener malfunction in the exact season where we have an unattractive bachelorette.
Is this really gonna happen? They never talk about sex on the show. They imply it with the fantasy suites and all that, but this show normally acts like it's the 1950's. People are stunned to learn someone has been divorced. This would be new ground, and I can't let Bachelor history happen without me. Let's see how this plays out...
We start with Jillian and Kiptyn in Hawaii. They talk and it's boring. And then! ANOTHER fantasy suite card! Well, there you go. You knew when the producers made her turn down the fantasy suite they would make it up to her. There's always a loophole, people. The ho scent is strong in this one, and there is no chance in hell she's saying no again.
Making out commences. And as far we know, Kiptyn gets it up. That man must have the imagination of Steven Spielberg.
Second date is with Reid. Air travel alert! They take the Bachelor's official helicopter. I think the pilot is Rick from Magnum P.I.
Jillian freaks out Reid with marriage talk. He feels "rushed". Reid is the guy who has just kind of been along for the ride, enjoying himself, and suddenly he finds himself in the final 3 and going "wait, I have to be with this girl when this ends? I didn't sign up for this, except for when I did." I wonder if Reid is thinking about all the sex Wes is having in Austin right now.
Jillian says "Reid has such a hard time expressing his emotions". Honey, maybe that's cause he doesn't have any for you.
Jillian is really trying to squeeze it out of Reid right now. She's like Sipowicz, and Reid is the guilty perp who is not physically attracted to her. All he can muster to "are you gonna wanna get married" is a weak "I don't know, maybe...". Jillian says that she can see in Reid's eyes that he's desperate to find the answers. No sweetie, that's panic.
They go to the fantasy suite. So basically she's gonna force him to say "I love you" if he wants the booty. Jill pretends that they're falling in love, even though Reid has given no indication of that. She's delusional. But Reid passes the wiener test!
Ed is up next. He says that his name isn't even really Ed. It's Richie. That would be funny if "little Richie" is the one who can't stand at attention.
They keep playing up the "Ed hasn't been here as long as the other guys". He was gone for a train ride! Seriously, he was barely away. Settle down. But now Ed announces that he has brought his family out to Hawaii for Jillian to meet. That's gonna make for an awkward fantasy suite.
Have you noticed Jillian's ears? Once you see them, you will not be able to see anything else and will wonder how you didn't notice them before. Huge. She's got the Handleman curse.
Ed is wearing short shorts! Like, really short shorts. I think the Seattle Supersonics wore those in 1977.
We meet Ed's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Ed. Mrs. Ed looks exactly like Ed. Interesting note: Mr. Ed has a "reverse Hitler" mustache.
The fantasy suite. Unfortunately, Ed combs his hair. It's not a good look. They move to the bed. Will Little Richie come out and play?
Ed thinks she's "smoking hot". Or so he says. But will Little Richie agree? They seem to be showing us a lot of "action" in the fantasy suite. When do the cameras leave? Ever? Are all of these in a vault somewhere? Are they next to the Ark of the Covenant in some warehouse?
The cameras finally exit...and then a light comes on! Cut back to the room, Ed lies deflated on the bed. Little Richie went off the grid, he went rogue, awol. Jillian talks in some code language which tells us what we already know. Dude couldn't get it done.
According to my people, Jillian was pretty blunt in summing this up when it happened. But I guess they got her to say it a nicer way. And apparently, Jill and Ed tried 3 different times that night. Also, didn't they say "couldn't perform" on a tease a couple weeks ago? I thought that happened, yet they are not going there tonight at all. Weird.
It doesn't matter, Kiptyn is a goner...
ROSE CEREMONY
Have you ever seen the footage of when Saddam took power in Iraq and called a meeting of the entire government and began reading names, and each name he called, a guy stood up, and was ushered out of the room and immediately shot? This is what these rose ceremonies have been like to everyone but Ed. Getting your name called is a very bad thing.
They're lined up, but Jillian wants to talk to Ed before she makes the call. They talk. She asks him about his "issues". He gives her the "I've got a lot on my mind" excuse. Yeah, it has nothing to do with your ears at all.
They go back. I think Jillian likes Ed because he is the only one who is a worse dresser than she is.
KIPTYN gets the first rose! My bad.
ED is in.
Reid breathes a sigh of relief. His strategy of making it obvious that he had no feelings for her finally paid off. She finally took the hint.
It's funny, at this point of the show, normally the 3rd to last girl eliminated is pissed. She thought she was going the distance, and is all broken up about it. But now Jillian and Reid talk, and it's Jillian who is crying. Reid is thinking about meeting up with Wes.
Reid leaves and Jillian continues balling. She's stuck with her big eared brother and the Eunuch.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Michael Jackson Memorial
I was late to work because of Michael Jackson traffic. I'm thinking California isn't quite as bankrupt as we make it out to be, considering we closed down all major freeways so a guy's body could be paraded around the city.
The coffin on stage? Really? Just think, 2 weeks ago MJ was rehearsing on the same stage. Now he's back in the worst possible way...his dad is there.
No one teeters the line between chubs and almost chubs like Mariah Carey. Today = chubs.
Does Queen Latifah do anything besides show up at shit like this? Her agent is looking for ceremonies for her to attend.
I was really hoping that Lionel Richie was gonna get up there and start singing "Fiesta, forever!"
Michael Jackson made Magic Johnson a better point guard! Holy shit. I just thought he was good at singing and dancing. Although after watching the video for "Jam", I don't know if that claim holds up.
Magic says MJ paved the way for African Americans to have late night shows...don't know if that's a positive in Magic's case.
Is it racist? Magic relays a fried chicken story.
There's Blanket! I love Blanket. Now he has black hair, last time I saw Blanket he had white hair like he was being cast in the Children of the Corn. I just like saying Blanket. Blanket Jackson.
I firmly believe that Jennifer Hudson made some sort of deal with the devil. She has an Oscar. Think about that.
Janet in the building. She's with Jermaine Dupri - I thought they were broken up. You think Tito slips Jermaine a demo? I would.
You know your family is fucked up when you have to have a family advisor and that advisor is Al Sharpton. "I think, as a family, you should all get white noses".
Hey, John Mayer, stop bothering us and go back to fucking everybody. We don't need your good looks and talent.
God Damn, Brooke Shields looks good. Never had an awkward phase, unless you count Suddenly Susan.
Most confusing threesome ever = Brooke Shields, Michael Jackson, and Elizabeth Taylor.
Every time I see Jermaine and the brothers and the dad I think: that's how Michael would've looked.
Ursher. This is a statement performance telling NeYo to back the fuck off. No one gets unceremoniously replaced quite the way R&B singers do. It's a factory, you hit 30 and there's a new you taking your spot. Is Rihanna different than Samantha Mumba? They're the same person.
Smokey Robinson. He always looks surprised. I didn't know that suit came in smokey.
"We Are the World". Lionel's up there, Letoya, hey, where's Dan Aykroyd?
There's a lot of people on stage right now who think they're on American Idol.
Marlon speaks. I think he's my new favorite Jackson. Holy shit! Paris would like to say a few words! It's so weird. She calls MJ "daddy". She starts crying and can't go on. Wow. I can't even wrap my head around Michael and these kids. Do you think he gave her the birds and bees speech? Did they go training bra shopping? Are there training bras or was that something made up on "Who's the Boss"? So many unanswered questions...
I've watched a ton of MJ stuff the last week, and by far the best, most revealing thing I've seen is this interview by Sylvia Chase in 1980. It won't let me embed, so you have to click the link.
The coffin on stage? Really? Just think, 2 weeks ago MJ was rehearsing on the same stage. Now he's back in the worst possible way...his dad is there.
No one teeters the line between chubs and almost chubs like Mariah Carey. Today = chubs.
Does Queen Latifah do anything besides show up at shit like this? Her agent is looking for ceremonies for her to attend.
I was really hoping that Lionel Richie was gonna get up there and start singing "Fiesta, forever!"
Michael Jackson made Magic Johnson a better point guard! Holy shit. I just thought he was good at singing and dancing. Although after watching the video for "Jam", I don't know if that claim holds up.
Magic says MJ paved the way for African Americans to have late night shows...don't know if that's a positive in Magic's case.
Is it racist? Magic relays a fried chicken story.
There's Blanket! I love Blanket. Now he has black hair, last time I saw Blanket he had white hair like he was being cast in the Children of the Corn. I just like saying Blanket. Blanket Jackson.
I firmly believe that Jennifer Hudson made some sort of deal with the devil. She has an Oscar. Think about that.
Janet in the building. She's with Jermaine Dupri - I thought they were broken up. You think Tito slips Jermaine a demo? I would.
You know your family is fucked up when you have to have a family advisor and that advisor is Al Sharpton. "I think, as a family, you should all get white noses".
Hey, John Mayer, stop bothering us and go back to fucking everybody. We don't need your good looks and talent.
God Damn, Brooke Shields looks good. Never had an awkward phase, unless you count Suddenly Susan.
Most confusing threesome ever = Brooke Shields, Michael Jackson, and Elizabeth Taylor.
Every time I see Jermaine and the brothers and the dad I think: that's how Michael would've looked.
Ursher. This is a statement performance telling NeYo to back the fuck off. No one gets unceremoniously replaced quite the way R&B singers do. It's a factory, you hit 30 and there's a new you taking your spot. Is Rihanna different than Samantha Mumba? They're the same person.
Smokey Robinson. He always looks surprised. I didn't know that suit came in smokey.
"We Are the World". Lionel's up there, Letoya, hey, where's Dan Aykroyd?
There's a lot of people on stage right now who think they're on American Idol.
Marlon speaks. I think he's my new favorite Jackson. Holy shit! Paris would like to say a few words! It's so weird. She calls MJ "daddy". She starts crying and can't go on. Wow. I can't even wrap my head around Michael and these kids. Do you think he gave her the birds and bees speech? Did they go training bra shopping? Are there training bras or was that something made up on "Who's the Boss"? So many unanswered questions...
I've watched a ton of MJ stuff the last week, and by far the best, most revealing thing I've seen is this interview by Sylvia Chase in 1980. It won't let me embed, so you have to click the link.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
On the Deck. With the Wine. In the Snuggie.
Have a great weekend, everybody. And Happy Birthday, America!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)