This brought up in the comments section, so I need to address it because it had been bugging me. There's a video of a baby dancing to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" that has been everywhere this week. It's been featured on just about every site I visit, which is a depressingly large number.
But the thing is, it's not even my favorite "Baby Dancing to Beyonce" video. I prefer this one.
Yet it's not getting any of the publicity. This young lady is being completely overshadowed by an inferior baby Beyonce dancer.
No matter which you prefer, the magic of these videos isn't the babies. It's Beyonce. As my friend Nick points out, her music is so powerful, it forces babies to move. White babies. They don't know how to dance, they've never danced before. But the sound sweeps over them, and they are compelled to move.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
TV Fall Season: UPDATE
"Flashforward" is fucking fantastic. If you missed the pilot, find it online immediately. It was just damn good.
Of course, like all shows nowadays, it's virtually impossible for them to have a 2nd season. But maybe we can all just enjoy season 1 like they do in England, or like we did with "Twin Peaks.
Anyhow, I hope they maintain what they setup in episode 1. I highly recommend.
Of course, like all shows nowadays, it's virtually impossible for them to have a 2nd season. But maybe we can all just enjoy season 1 like they do in England, or like we did with "Twin Peaks.
Anyhow, I hope they maintain what they setup in episode 1. I highly recommend.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Poor, Untalented Mischa
Tweet this, Ashton: CW cancels 'The Beautiful Life: TBL'
September 25, 2009 | 4:10 pmAfter just two episodes have aired, The CW has pulled the plug on "The Beautiful Life: TBL," a drama executive produced by Ashton Kutcher about young models living in New York.
The first of fall's new shows to be canceled, "TBL" premiered to just 1.5 million viewers last week. Wednesday's episode was seen by only 1 million. The series starred Mischa Barton and Sara Paxton.
Luckily, Mischa seems to be holding up well...
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
The Guy That Stole My Life
About 5 years ago, I went out with a nice young lady named Katy. One of the drawbacks of the relationship was that she always made me stay over at her place. Why was that a drawback? Well, because she lived with her mom…and their 2 cats.
Difficult to make good lovin’ when mom is in the next room all the fucking time. Literally, all the fucking time. She would be there during the fucking time, is what I'm saying, are you getting that?
Every time I was about to break up with her, one of her cats would die. Then I’d have to feel bad for awhile and make another attempt. Luckily, she quickly ran out of cats, and I was looked at as both a cat and relationship murderer.
For the record, I never touched those cats. In fact, I demanded that whatever room I was in was cat free with the door closed. The relationship on the other hand, well, guilty as charged.
Anyway, Katy’s best friend, a guy, lived next door to her with his mom. They lived on George Costanza Avenue. They grew up together. He was a nice guy. He didn’t really do much. Though he did write bad horror movies that Katy and I would read and give notes on. I’m not sure he even had a job in the year that I knew him.
But a few years later I ran into him, and he was with his girlfriend, who was also…
My girlfriend. No, not Katy. My fantasy girlfriend - Cara, from “The Wonder Years”. Remember, this story? The girl I was in love with since I was 13 and then destiny brought us together, except destiny also brought a clown bag of coke along for the ride too? Yeah, her.
Yes, by some strange coincidence, she was going out with this guy. So weird. She had gone through several boyfriends since our initial meeting, so I assumed this was just another in the line.
Anyway, a few more years later I had a friendly lunch with Katy. She says, “did you hear about Matt?!” And I said no.
“Well, he got married”.
“Don't tell me...the Wonder Years girl?”
“Yes."
Well, there goes that dream.
"But that's not the news!"
"Oh?"
"He wasn’t working…but then he wrote a screenplay…”
“Another horror movie?”
“No! He tried writing a comedy, and it’s the funniest script ever!”
So I immediately know that it’s not a funny script.
“He sent it around, and everyone loved it. And it was on the black list for the best unproduced screenplays of the year!”
As all petty writers would be, I was instantly angry.
“It sold for mid six figures..."
Gulp.
"...and then Ricky Gervais read it, and he loved it. And he invited Matt out to England to rewrite it with him”.
More gulping.
“They became great friends, and then Ricky said they should direct it together!”
What the fuck?!!!
“So they co-directed this movie…”
It took everything within me not to take my fork, stick in my eyeballs, and then stick it in my regular balls.
“Who is in it?”
“Well, Ricky is the star. And then Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill, Louis C.K., Tina Fey, and Christopher Guest.”
Fuck me.
This doesn’t happen! Who sells their first script and directs it with Ricky Gervais?
Well if it had to happen to anyone, I’m glad it’s the guy who is married to my wife.
I started poking around the internet and discovered a blog they had while making the movie. And there is Katy's neighbor, shooting nerf guns with Gervais and Jason Bateman, having the time of his life.
This story, however amazing, or depressing in my case, is the reason millions of morons come to LA every day. They come because they can be living at home with their mom one minute, and the next be in England directing Tina Fey alongside Ricky Gervais, while banging the crap out of the girl they fell in love with on TV when they were 13. This is the dream. And our freeways are crowded because of it.
I just hope that next time it happens to me, or God help me, more cats are gonna die.
Difficult to make good lovin’ when mom is in the next room all the fucking time. Literally, all the fucking time. She would be there during the fucking time, is what I'm saying, are you getting that?
Every time I was about to break up with her, one of her cats would die. Then I’d have to feel bad for awhile and make another attempt. Luckily, she quickly ran out of cats, and I was looked at as both a cat and relationship murderer.
For the record, I never touched those cats. In fact, I demanded that whatever room I was in was cat free with the door closed. The relationship on the other hand, well, guilty as charged.
Anyway, Katy’s best friend, a guy, lived next door to her with his mom. They lived on George Costanza Avenue. They grew up together. He was a nice guy. He didn’t really do much. Though he did write bad horror movies that Katy and I would read and give notes on. I’m not sure he even had a job in the year that I knew him.
But a few years later I ran into him, and he was with his girlfriend, who was also…
My girlfriend. No, not Katy. My fantasy girlfriend - Cara, from “The Wonder Years”. Remember, this story? The girl I was in love with since I was 13 and then destiny brought us together, except destiny also brought a clown bag of coke along for the ride too? Yeah, her.
Yes, by some strange coincidence, she was going out with this guy. So weird. She had gone through several boyfriends since our initial meeting, so I assumed this was just another in the line.
Anyway, a few more years later I had a friendly lunch with Katy. She says, “did you hear about Matt?!” And I said no.
“Well, he got married”.
“Don't tell me...the Wonder Years girl?”
“Yes."
Well, there goes that dream.
"But that's not the news!"
"Oh?"
"He wasn’t working…but then he wrote a screenplay…”
“Another horror movie?”
“No! He tried writing a comedy, and it’s the funniest script ever!”
So I immediately know that it’s not a funny script.
“He sent it around, and everyone loved it. And it was on the black list for the best unproduced screenplays of the year!”
As all petty writers would be, I was instantly angry.
“It sold for mid six figures..."
Gulp.
"...and then Ricky Gervais read it, and he loved it. And he invited Matt out to England to rewrite it with him”.
More gulping.
“They became great friends, and then Ricky said they should direct it together!”
What the fuck?!!!
“So they co-directed this movie…”
It took everything within me not to take my fork, stick in my eyeballs, and then stick it in my regular balls.
“Who is in it?”
“Well, Ricky is the star. And then Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill, Louis C.K., Tina Fey, and Christopher Guest.”
Fuck me.
This doesn’t happen! Who sells their first script and directs it with Ricky Gervais?
Well if it had to happen to anyone, I’m glad it’s the guy who is married to my wife.
I started poking around the internet and discovered a blog they had while making the movie. And there is Katy's neighbor, shooting nerf guns with Gervais and Jason Bateman, having the time of his life.
This story, however amazing, or depressing in my case, is the reason millions of morons come to LA every day. They come because they can be living at home with their mom one minute, and the next be in England directing Tina Fey alongside Ricky Gervais, while banging the crap out of the girl they fell in love with on TV when they were 13. This is the dream. And our freeways are crowded because of it.
I just hope that next time it happens to me, or God help me, more cats are gonna die.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
This Guy Isn't Acting
I wish there was an acting award for real acting. You know, the kind where someone pretends to be someone who they are so completely not. Michael Emerson is a fantastic Ben on "Lost". He's frightening. But after seeing him at the Emmy's, I realized he's even more frightening when he's just being Michael Emerson. That's not acting, that's just toning down your own creepiness.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The Annual Fall TV Season Preview
COMMUNITY
“Community” premieres tonight on NBC, so I can think of no better time than to write my annual fall TV preview. Clearly, NBC thinks this show is going to work since you literally cannot watch a talk show without Joel McHale being on it. Here’s the bad news: NBC felt the same exact way about Christian Slater and “My Own Worst Enemy” last year. And if the star power of Chistian Slater can't keep a show on the air, I don't know what can. The man gleamed the cube.
But I have a bit of a personal stake in this one. Joel is my friend. We met in 2004 when I was asked to write a presentation pilot for a new show on E!. When I was brought in, Joel wasn’t yet hired, and they showed me the audition tapes of their “top 3 choices”. Funny thing is, I recognized the two other guys (one of them was this guy). I didn’t know Joel, but he clearly was the best one. There were some issues with getting his contract done, but about 3 days before the shoot date, he got signed.
That was the same day the executive producer decided to quit. He just walked out. So me and Joel sat in an office together and wrote the pilot that would become “The Soup”, and we shared that office for the next 7 months.
From the audition tape, I thought Joel was a little guy. A little smart ass type, much like myself. But he is not. He is a big dude. He played football at the University of Washington. Yet that doesn’t translate on TV for some reason. He comes across as almost an anti-hero, a nerd. I was in a meeting recently and the executive questioned how Daniel Tosh could host an internet show, he wasn’t geeky enough the way Joel McHale is. Uh, Joel Mchale is not a geek. In fact, I like Joel best when he is playing a dick (remember those Burger King commercials?).
And thankfully, in “Community” that’s what he’s playing. Not a dick, exactly, but a rapscallion, if you will. He is an anti-hero. And so I’m hopeful.
I read the pilot script awhile ago. It was very good, very funny. But I’m a little nervous because the clips I’ve seen do not look great. I don’t know if something was lost in the translation or what, but hopefully the series can grow and find itself. I'm sure NBC will have plenty of patience and let it find it's voice (they gave Slater 9 episodes before the axe).
Another red flag is Chevy Chase. He is not funny anymore. He is also an asshole. I think it’s an idea that sounded great on paper, but in reality might be a huge mistake. But again, we’ll see.
SHARK TANK
I know this isn’t a new show this fall, but I have to mention it. I love it. People go into a room with 5 rich investors and pitch their company idea or product. Then the investors decide whether or not to invest, and then some great negotiating happens. It's just damn entertaining. You should watch it.
MODERN FAMILY
This is a sitcom on ABC, with Ed O’Neil and my wife, Julie Bowen. And apparently there is a law over at ABC that they must cast Sofia Vergara in every show they do. Which is fine, of course, because Sofia has the comedic timing of Courtney Cox.
This is one of the best half hour scripts I read though and might surprise you. Also, the commercials are legitimately funny. I will be giving it a shot.
Quick note: isn’t Ed O’Neil way underrated at this point? The man was Al Bundy for a long time, yet somehow he’s in movies and TV shows as other characters and you don’t even really question it. It's tough to have a second life after a character like Al Bundy, just ask Soleil Moon Frye, Kramer, and Cliff Claven.
COUGAR TOWN
And speaking of Courtney Cox and her great comedic abilities, this is her show. This was a well written pilot as well, but I am skeptical.
First of all, Courtney Cox? You know, BJ Armstrong played for the Bulls and won a bunch of championships, but you wouldn’t want the focal point of your team to be BJ Armstrong. I think the same can be said of Courtney. I mean, she’s nice to look at and all, but are we really sold on her being any kind of a talent? Does the world clamor for Courtney? She was in the biggest TV show ever, and she was the 3rd most interesting girl on it.
MELROSE PLACE
No. Just...no. Stop it. But there is one reason I'm rooting for this show:
Dr. Michael Mancini. Mancini is fucking great. Where has he been? How do you get done with being the best thing on Melrose Place (other than Kimberly's head), not work again, and then just start playing the same character again on a new Melrose Place? That's like some kind of evil plot, the kind of evil plot only Dr. Michael Mancini could dream up.
FLASH FORWARD
And the award for best promos goes to…
I’m intrigued. I’ll watch. David Goyer wrote this, and he’s a pretty big time movie writer and a favorite of mine. I’m also semi-obsessed with Joseph Fiennes. Here’s why:
I’ll admit, I’m a huge “Shakespeare in Love” guy. And the reason: Joseph Fiennes. And also Ben Affleck (what is the play…and what is my part?!). It boggled my mind how that movie was so huge, and yet only Gwyneth got the love for it. Remember that Oscars? It was all about Gwyneth.
“Community” premieres tonight on NBC, so I can think of no better time than to write my annual fall TV preview. Clearly, NBC thinks this show is going to work since you literally cannot watch a talk show without Joel McHale being on it. Here’s the bad news: NBC felt the same exact way about Christian Slater and “My Own Worst Enemy” last year. And if the star power of Chistian Slater can't keep a show on the air, I don't know what can. The man gleamed the cube.
But I have a bit of a personal stake in this one. Joel is my friend. We met in 2004 when I was asked to write a presentation pilot for a new show on E!. When I was brought in, Joel wasn’t yet hired, and they showed me the audition tapes of their “top 3 choices”. Funny thing is, I recognized the two other guys (one of them was this guy). I didn’t know Joel, but he clearly was the best one. There were some issues with getting his contract done, but about 3 days before the shoot date, he got signed.
That was the same day the executive producer decided to quit. He just walked out. So me and Joel sat in an office together and wrote the pilot that would become “The Soup”, and we shared that office for the next 7 months.
From the audition tape, I thought Joel was a little guy. A little smart ass type, much like myself. But he is not. He is a big dude. He played football at the University of Washington. Yet that doesn’t translate on TV for some reason. He comes across as almost an anti-hero, a nerd. I was in a meeting recently and the executive questioned how Daniel Tosh could host an internet show, he wasn’t geeky enough the way Joel McHale is. Uh, Joel Mchale is not a geek. In fact, I like Joel best when he is playing a dick (remember those Burger King commercials?).
And thankfully, in “Community” that’s what he’s playing. Not a dick, exactly, but a rapscallion, if you will. He is an anti-hero. And so I’m hopeful.
I read the pilot script awhile ago. It was very good, very funny. But I’m a little nervous because the clips I’ve seen do not look great. I don’t know if something was lost in the translation or what, but hopefully the series can grow and find itself. I'm sure NBC will have plenty of patience and let it find it's voice (they gave Slater 9 episodes before the axe).
Another red flag is Chevy Chase. He is not funny anymore. He is also an asshole. I think it’s an idea that sounded great on paper, but in reality might be a huge mistake. But again, we’ll see.
SHARK TANK
I know this isn’t a new show this fall, but I have to mention it. I love it. People go into a room with 5 rich investors and pitch their company idea or product. Then the investors decide whether or not to invest, and then some great negotiating happens. It's just damn entertaining. You should watch it.
MODERN FAMILY
This is a sitcom on ABC, with Ed O’Neil and my wife, Julie Bowen. And apparently there is a law over at ABC that they must cast Sofia Vergara in every show they do. Which is fine, of course, because Sofia has the comedic timing of Courtney Cox.
This is one of the best half hour scripts I read though and might surprise you. Also, the commercials are legitimately funny. I will be giving it a shot.
Quick note: isn’t Ed O’Neil way underrated at this point? The man was Al Bundy for a long time, yet somehow he’s in movies and TV shows as other characters and you don’t even really question it. It's tough to have a second life after a character like Al Bundy, just ask Soleil Moon Frye, Kramer, and Cliff Claven.
COUGAR TOWN
And speaking of Courtney Cox and her great comedic abilities, this is her show. This was a well written pilot as well, but I am skeptical.
First of all, Courtney Cox? You know, BJ Armstrong played for the Bulls and won a bunch of championships, but you wouldn’t want the focal point of your team to be BJ Armstrong. I think the same can be said of Courtney. I mean, she’s nice to look at and all, but are we really sold on her being any kind of a talent? Does the world clamor for Courtney? She was in the biggest TV show ever, and she was the 3rd most interesting girl on it.
MELROSE PLACE
No. Just...no. Stop it. But there is one reason I'm rooting for this show:
Dr. Michael Mancini. Mancini is fucking great. Where has he been? How do you get done with being the best thing on Melrose Place (other than Kimberly's head), not work again, and then just start playing the same character again on a new Melrose Place? That's like some kind of evil plot, the kind of evil plot only Dr. Michael Mancini could dream up.
FLASH FORWARD
And the award for best promos goes to…
I’m intrigued. I’ll watch. David Goyer wrote this, and he’s a pretty big time movie writer and a favorite of mine. I’m also semi-obsessed with Joseph Fiennes. Here’s why:
I’ll admit, I’m a huge “Shakespeare in Love” guy. And the reason: Joseph Fiennes. And also Ben Affleck (what is the play…and what is my part?!). It boggled my mind how that movie was so huge, and yet only Gwyneth got the love for it. Remember that Oscars? It was all about Gwyneth.
Joseph was the star! And he never worked again. He must've been hanging out with Dr. Michael Mancini.
GLEE
I really hate to admit it, but…I love it.
GLEE
I really hate to admit it, but…I love it.
That's right. I love Joseph Fiennes and Glee. Fuck you.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Jay Leno Show Featuring Crying Kanye
The new Leno show premiered last night. There’s been a lot of build up to this, and way too much promotion. Jay even made a joke about being sick of the promos – which is crazy because normally everyone is all pissed about not getting advertised enough. This guy is pissed about getting too much. No wonder everyone here hates Leno.
Anyway, I’m not a Leno fan. But I don’t hate on the people who like Leno. That’s fine. It’s not my cup of tea, but hey, if the morons in the Midwest think he’s hilarious, so be it.
I’m also kind of glad it happened. I make my living in the comedy and variety world, so if more of those type of shows can get on primetime on network TV, that’s all right with me. So really, I'm rooting for this thing to succeed.
So I watched last night, just because of the curiosity factor, and I was expecting it to be mediocre – typical Leno, but I was wrong. It was worse.
The usual Jay stuff wasn’t the problem. His monologue was fine if you like him, and so were headlines, again, if you like that. That’s standard Leno. The problem was the fact that it’s an hour long show, which it was before, but now there aren’t as many guests. So everything is stretched.
I was watching the bit where he “interviewed” Obama – they placed Leno in Obama’s 60 Minutes interview – a bit that is about a thousand years old. Anyway, I watched it for a few minutes, then turned to the football game for what I thought was a good 10 minutes, then flipped back to Leno and the Obama bit was STILL PLAYING.
Same goes for the Dan Band’s car wash bit. And the weird thing is, they’re not even trying to break it up with any quick comedy. It’s just one crazy long thing to another. They have 23 writers on staff, you’d think they could throw in a funny little bit going to or coming out of commercial. But no, it's clear they're trying to stick with what worked at 11:30. Yeah, but now you don't have the luxury of interviewing the chick from the zoo, so you might have to come up with some new shit.
Also, does anyone watch these talk shows for the interviews? I think most people watch, especially Leno lovers, for the monologue and the desk bit right after. Then at exactly midnight, you go to bed just as the first guest is coming out. But now it’s not midnight, it’s 10:15, and you have to listen Katherine Heigl complain about working so hard or about what an insufferable bitch she is.
The first guest tonight was Seinfeld. I usually like him, and he’s one of the rare celebrities I would listen to get interviewed. But here he had to laboriously get them into a bit with Oprah. And then he kept talking, and I realized he’s turned into Eddie Murphy or Chevy Chase or Maverick from Top Gun and just completely lost his edge. He’s not funny anymore, and he never will be. And I turned the channel again.
And finally, the worst part of the show. The Kanye interview.
Okay, I was under the impression that it wasn’t that big of a deal. I know we were all getting fake upset on the internet today, but it’s not like he did something really bad, like shake the shit out of Tila Tequila. Yeah, it was a dick thing to do, but it’s the stupid VMA’s, who cares?
However, Leno and Kanye were treating it like he cheated on Liz Hurley with a hooker. Kanye was practically crying.
Really?
What happened to being a rock star? Own it, dude. You’re nuts. That’s you. There’s no turning back now, just go with it. Not to mention the fact that he was right. Sure, he shouldn’t have done it, but we all know that Taylor swift winning that award was a joke. When was the last time you even saw a music video? That Beyonce shit was everywhere. I think the only place kids see videos these days is on youtube, not MTV.
Taylor’s video has been viewed 3 million times on youtube. Beyonce’s? 65 million. Suck on that, asian eyed white girl.
Also, later in the night Beyonce won Video of the Year. How the fuck are you Video of the Year and not Female Video of the Year? That shit is so rigged and so dumb, I’m actually glad Kanye did that. Someone should have, it’s just too bad it was that lunatic.
Back to Kanye on Leno…
Everyone is acting like it’s some huge score for Jay that he got Kanye right after the VMA’s. Oh, what a scandal, Kanye interrupted an awards show…again. But it seems everyone is forgetting the fact that fucking Rihanna is right there! She got the shit beat out of her, and no one has talked to her! That's like being in a threesome with Mila Kunis and Kanye and spending all your time playing with Kanye's junk. Get to banging Mila, motherfucker!
So Kanye cries, to Jay Leno of all people – suddenly the show turns into Oprah. And Jay has the nerve to ask Kanye "what would your mom think of this?". Oh man. You do not talk to a black man about his mama, especially his recently dead mama. The Kanye I used to know what slap that chin right off of him.
But no, that Kanye is gone. He's dead, buried in a bad haircut. He breaks down, gets teary eyed...and then immediately gets up on stage and performs “Run This Town”. What town are you running, crying man? Weepyville? Bitchylvania? Get off the stage, before Jay Z makes you blow him in a show of power.
And take that bald bitch with you.
Anyway, I’m not a Leno fan. But I don’t hate on the people who like Leno. That’s fine. It’s not my cup of tea, but hey, if the morons in the Midwest think he’s hilarious, so be it.
I’m also kind of glad it happened. I make my living in the comedy and variety world, so if more of those type of shows can get on primetime on network TV, that’s all right with me. So really, I'm rooting for this thing to succeed.
So I watched last night, just because of the curiosity factor, and I was expecting it to be mediocre – typical Leno, but I was wrong. It was worse.
The usual Jay stuff wasn’t the problem. His monologue was fine if you like him, and so were headlines, again, if you like that. That’s standard Leno. The problem was the fact that it’s an hour long show, which it was before, but now there aren’t as many guests. So everything is stretched.
I was watching the bit where he “interviewed” Obama – they placed Leno in Obama’s 60 Minutes interview – a bit that is about a thousand years old. Anyway, I watched it for a few minutes, then turned to the football game for what I thought was a good 10 minutes, then flipped back to Leno and the Obama bit was STILL PLAYING.
Same goes for the Dan Band’s car wash bit. And the weird thing is, they’re not even trying to break it up with any quick comedy. It’s just one crazy long thing to another. They have 23 writers on staff, you’d think they could throw in a funny little bit going to or coming out of commercial. But no, it's clear they're trying to stick with what worked at 11:30. Yeah, but now you don't have the luxury of interviewing the chick from the zoo, so you might have to come up with some new shit.
Also, does anyone watch these talk shows for the interviews? I think most people watch, especially Leno lovers, for the monologue and the desk bit right after. Then at exactly midnight, you go to bed just as the first guest is coming out. But now it’s not midnight, it’s 10:15, and you have to listen Katherine Heigl complain about working so hard or about what an insufferable bitch she is.
The first guest tonight was Seinfeld. I usually like him, and he’s one of the rare celebrities I would listen to get interviewed. But here he had to laboriously get them into a bit with Oprah. And then he kept talking, and I realized he’s turned into Eddie Murphy or Chevy Chase or Maverick from Top Gun and just completely lost his edge. He’s not funny anymore, and he never will be. And I turned the channel again.
And finally, the worst part of the show. The Kanye interview.
Okay, I was under the impression that it wasn’t that big of a deal. I know we were all getting fake upset on the internet today, but it’s not like he did something really bad, like shake the shit out of Tila Tequila. Yeah, it was a dick thing to do, but it’s the stupid VMA’s, who cares?
However, Leno and Kanye were treating it like he cheated on Liz Hurley with a hooker. Kanye was practically crying.
Really?
What happened to being a rock star? Own it, dude. You’re nuts. That’s you. There’s no turning back now, just go with it. Not to mention the fact that he was right. Sure, he shouldn’t have done it, but we all know that Taylor swift winning that award was a joke. When was the last time you even saw a music video? That Beyonce shit was everywhere. I think the only place kids see videos these days is on youtube, not MTV.
Taylor’s video has been viewed 3 million times on youtube. Beyonce’s? 65 million. Suck on that, asian eyed white girl.
Also, later in the night Beyonce won Video of the Year. How the fuck are you Video of the Year and not Female Video of the Year? That shit is so rigged and so dumb, I’m actually glad Kanye did that. Someone should have, it’s just too bad it was that lunatic.
Back to Kanye on Leno…
Everyone is acting like it’s some huge score for Jay that he got Kanye right after the VMA’s. Oh, what a scandal, Kanye interrupted an awards show…again. But it seems everyone is forgetting the fact that fucking Rihanna is right there! She got the shit beat out of her, and no one has talked to her! That's like being in a threesome with Mila Kunis and Kanye and spending all your time playing with Kanye's junk. Get to banging Mila, motherfucker!
So Kanye cries, to Jay Leno of all people – suddenly the show turns into Oprah. And Jay has the nerve to ask Kanye "what would your mom think of this?". Oh man. You do not talk to a black man about his mama, especially his recently dead mama. The Kanye I used to know what slap that chin right off of him.
But no, that Kanye is gone. He's dead, buried in a bad haircut. He breaks down, gets teary eyed...and then immediately gets up on stage and performs “Run This Town”. What town are you running, crying man? Weepyville? Bitchylvania? Get off the stage, before Jay Z makes you blow him in a show of power.
And take that bald bitch with you.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
"Yes!!! Wait...what? No!!!"
Aimee Louise Sword Raped Son She Gave Up For Adoption: Police
Police have accused Aimee Louise Sword of searching out the son she gave up for adoption a decade ago and raping him. She has been arraigned on three charges of criminal sexual misconduct. It's unclear whether the boy, a minor, knew she was his biological mother. Sword insists she is innocent.
Wait, is she insisting she's innocent of the raping or of being the mom? Cause I seriously don't know which is worse. Oh, yeah I do, it's the being his mom part.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
If You Have Male and Female Sex Organs
You should probably compete as a dude, just to be on the safe side.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
World Record 27 Hour Babysit
Some people sky dive, others climb Everest, I babysat my nephews for 27 hours. It was my first ever overnighter. I think I did pretty well, but one question:
Is sleeping like this normal?
Did I inadvertently torture them? It's like slave ship conditions in there.
A word of advice when babysitting a 2 year old:
Do not touch his Lightning McQueen car...even if he has 15 of them.
Is sleeping like this normal?
Did I inadvertently torture them? It's like slave ship conditions in there.
A word of advice when babysitting a 2 year old:
Do not touch his Lightning McQueen car...even if he has 15 of them.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
One Last Jim Treacher Thing & I'm Done
It's been very quiet on the comments section. I thought maybe we'd have a visit from crazy land. But then I realized they won't come on here because they have no argument. It's very difficult to defend yourself when you don't have the facts on your side. That's why when they show up to the town halls they bring guns and just heckle people.
But Jim Treacher did read it, because yesterday he wrote this:
"I have never said, or even implied, that Barack Hussein Obama was born in Kenya. In case anybody was wondering."
It's so funny, that of all the crap I wrote about him, that's the thing that he takes issue with. That's the one thing. Notice he's not contradicting the part about him being a lunatic.
Okay, so maybe I got that birther thing wrong. Oh, no, wait a minute, no I didn't. Cause what about the time he wrote this:
"The original reason for not being able to produce the long-form birth certificate was that it had been destroyed. Now the same person is claiming to have inspected it recently. The reasons why nobody else gets to see it keep changing."
And this:
"I’m not a “birther” so much as an “anti-anti-birther.” I don’t get how the same people who point out how Obama lies about everything, every day, are also vehement that he’s not lying about this" -- Jim Treacher on July 27, 2009 on Hot Air
And this:
It sure is crazy to think that anybody could be born outside the U.S. What's next, putting a man on the moon? Yeah, right!
Posted by: Jim Treacher | July 22, 2009 1:29 AM
That last one is sarcasm. Clever stuff. You're right, Jim, you didn't explicitly say he was born in Kenya. You just fueled the fire. Why? I guess it's good for business. Don't wanna confuse the morons by acknowledging the truth.
But Jim Treacher did read it, because yesterday he wrote this:
"I have never said, or even implied, that Barack Hussein Obama was born in Kenya. In case anybody was wondering."
It's so funny, that of all the crap I wrote about him, that's the thing that he takes issue with. That's the one thing. Notice he's not contradicting the part about him being a lunatic.
Okay, so maybe I got that birther thing wrong. Oh, no, wait a minute, no I didn't. Cause what about the time he wrote this:
"The original reason for not being able to produce the long-form birth certificate was that it had been destroyed. Now the same person is claiming to have inspected it recently. The reasons why nobody else gets to see it keep changing."
And this:
"I’m not a “birther” so much as an “anti-anti-birther.” I don’t get how the same people who point out how Obama lies about everything, every day, are also vehement that he’s not lying about this" -- Jim Treacher on July 27, 2009 on Hot Air
And this:
It sure is crazy to think that anybody could be born outside the U.S. What's next, putting a man on the moon? Yeah, right!
Posted by: Jim Treacher | July 22, 2009 1:29 AM
That last one is sarcasm. Clever stuff. You're right, Jim, you didn't explicitly say he was born in Kenya. You just fueled the fire. Why? I guess it's good for business. Don't wanna confuse the morons by acknowledging the truth.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
My Fellow, Backward Ass Americans
I've been wanting to write this for awhile, but it's just too depressing. And it's not funny. But I can't stop myself anymore, so here goes. Let's start at the beginning.
It was a year ago at this time. The election was really heating up. I honestly didn't know who I was gonna vote for. I used to live in Arizona and was a fan of McCain. But I think I voted for Ron Paul in the primary. Anyway, that's when John McCain lost his God Damn mind and chose Sarah Palin as his VP. And that was it. I declared on this very blog I wouldn't vote for them, and that lots of undecided people in the middle were going to vote Barack based solely on Palin being a crazy person.
I didn't write a "mean" blog about Sarah Palin. I didn't report the (false) gossip that was being said at the time. What I did was talk about all of the crazy shit she actually believes, like hating abortion and science.
That's when I got an email.
This guy Jim Treacher had posted comments on here before, and even linked to my blog. He seemed like a delightful chap. I didn't know anything more about him. Then I got this email from him (I'm guessing in response to my Palin post):
"...say what you want about Palin, but at least she doesn't try to shut down radio stations when they displease her. Your guy is a Nixonian fascist. What, you'll vote for anybody with a (D) in front of his name, just because he isn't George Bush?
Look on the bright side: No matter who wins, one way or the other your liberal guilt will be assuaged!"
I really thought he was joking. First of all, liberal guilt? Clearly, he hadn't been reading my stuff that closely. Second, Nixonian fascist? Seems a little extreme. And that's when I checked out his blog - jimtreacher.com
He wasn't joking.
And extreme doesn't even begin to cover it. So I emailed him back, and that's when things get funny in hindsight. Check out what he wrote about Palin back in September '08:
"And if you think she's a desperation pick, you obviously didn't watch her speech, and haven't been paying attention to how she's driven the entire media out of their minds. That's a big part of her popularity, the backlash against this obvious smear campaign against her. Not to mention how she's gotten inside Obama's head. She's working out even better than McCain could have imagined."
I guess that's why it's not "Nostradamus Treacher".
It's funny how all these guys are so angry about the " liberal media". It's always the "media's" fault. And they only like someone because "the liberal media" is against them. Wait a minute, isn't Fox News the #1 cable news channel? Don't they double CNN in ratings? I think out of the top 10 shows in cable news, they have 10 of them. 10! Oh yeah, and then there's talk radio. Liberals own that shit. Everyone knows how it's impossible for the conservative view point to be heard on talk radio. So wait, that's TV and radio? What else is there? Oh yeah, the dying newspaper industry that nobody reads. Liberals are still kicking ass there!
Dumb, crazy Jim Treacher is not alone. He is a part of a very loud minority in this country that is simply wacked out of their minds. These are the people going to the town halls wearing Hitler mustaches.
Let me stop right here and explain something. I know that it's not cool to say "I'm right, and their wrong, and I'm smart and their stupid". True. That is no way to debate. And in every other circumstance that would be stupid on my part. However, this happens to be one instance where it is absolutely called for. Let me explain:
Through this email correspondence I repeatedly, over and over again, tried to get Jim Treacher to tell me which ideas he agrees with Sarah Palin on. He could not answer. I've gotten into other "debates" with these nuts, and they will never, ever give an answer to any question. They despise facts. All they will do is attack and/or blame the "msm" (main stream media) or say Obama is a socialist. They have nothing to offer in terms of a real argument for why they believe what they believe.
And that's why I'm allowed to call them dummies.
Because the truth is, I'm no big liberal. I honestly want to understand. I want to know why they like Sarah Palin, what they agree with her on. Or what they have against changing the health care system. I WANT TO KNOW! But they can't explain themselves. I would love to have a real discussion about issues, but I can't find one of these nutcases to have it with. Because they can't do it.
The real scary part is that It's not just the lunatics on the internet. It's Senators and Congressman. GOPers in Congress have actually said "I'm not going to read the health care bill, I'm just gonna vote against it". Jeez, isn't it kinda your job to read it? Maybe you should at least give it a skim?
That is stupid.
People at the town halls cry socialism and fascism and Obama is Hitler, they say that government run healthcare is evil and horrible and will lead to death panels. Then they say how much they love Medicare.
Sorry, but that's stupid.
The great Maria Bartiromo on CNBC was "debating" with Anthony Weiner (heh, weiner), congressman from New York, and said "if Medicare is so good how come you're not on it". Weiner is 45 years old... you can't get on Medicare 'till you're 65.
That's just stupid.
And we have to call it stupid, cause it is. If you're kid thinks 2+2=7, he's stupid. If Jim Treacher thinks Barack Obama is a sleeper agent, "birthed" in Kenya, that's stupid. That's not a snotty, high falutin' liberal opinion, it's a fact.
But there's nothing that you can tell these people that will change their minds. There are still "birthers" out there. They don't wanna look at the FACTS. They don't want to see proof. Barack Obama cannot be the legitimate President!
No matter what Sarah Palin does, it's awesome. Her 17 year old daughter gets knocked up, that's awesome! She quits in the middle of her first term of office, that's awesome! She invents "death panels" out of thin air, that's awesome! There's simply no changing their minds with reality and pesky facts, because they are not listening.
How do we debate crazy? I don't know. It's very frustrating though, because they are having a say in things.
This is really happening, and I'm not sure why. I guess it's mostly fear. The other side has nothing to offer, so they scare the shit out of people and it works. Times are tough, it's nice to be able blame someone. So they just blindly follow the loudest and the craziest - Glenn Beck, Hannity, O'Reilly, Treacher.
There's also the fear of a black President with a funny name. This can't be my America! It's so interesting how when there was a Republican President, it was all about "fighting the terrorists". But when there's a Democratic President, it's all about "let's become terrorists!"
I probably didn't do a great job of expressing myself, but if you just watch the video I think it sums everything up.
There's smart, and there is stupid. This is stupid at work.
p.s. I'm not positive, but i think the guy in the hat might be Jim Treacher.
It was a year ago at this time. The election was really heating up. I honestly didn't know who I was gonna vote for. I used to live in Arizona and was a fan of McCain. But I think I voted for Ron Paul in the primary. Anyway, that's when John McCain lost his God Damn mind and chose Sarah Palin as his VP. And that was it. I declared on this very blog I wouldn't vote for them, and that lots of undecided people in the middle were going to vote Barack based solely on Palin being a crazy person.
I didn't write a "mean" blog about Sarah Palin. I didn't report the (false) gossip that was being said at the time. What I did was talk about all of the crazy shit she actually believes, like hating abortion and science.
That's when I got an email.
This guy Jim Treacher had posted comments on here before, and even linked to my blog. He seemed like a delightful chap. I didn't know anything more about him. Then I got this email from him (I'm guessing in response to my Palin post):
"...say what you want about Palin, but at least she doesn't try to shut down radio stations when they displease her. Your guy is a Nixonian fascist. What, you'll vote for anybody with a (D) in front of his name, just because he isn't George Bush?
Look on the bright side: No matter who wins, one way or the other your liberal guilt will be assuaged!"
I really thought he was joking. First of all, liberal guilt? Clearly, he hadn't been reading my stuff that closely. Second, Nixonian fascist? Seems a little extreme. And that's when I checked out his blog - jimtreacher.com
He wasn't joking.
And extreme doesn't even begin to cover it. So I emailed him back, and that's when things get funny in hindsight. Check out what he wrote about Palin back in September '08:
"And if you think she's a desperation pick, you obviously didn't watch her speech, and haven't been paying attention to how she's driven the entire media out of their minds. That's a big part of her popularity, the backlash against this obvious smear campaign against her. Not to mention how she's gotten inside Obama's head. She's working out even better than McCain could have imagined."
I guess that's why it's not "Nostradamus Treacher".
It's funny how all these guys are so angry about the " liberal media". It's always the "media's" fault. And they only like someone because "the liberal media" is against them. Wait a minute, isn't Fox News the #1 cable news channel? Don't they double CNN in ratings? I think out of the top 10 shows in cable news, they have 10 of them. 10! Oh yeah, and then there's talk radio. Liberals own that shit. Everyone knows how it's impossible for the conservative view point to be heard on talk radio. So wait, that's TV and radio? What else is there? Oh yeah, the dying newspaper industry that nobody reads. Liberals are still kicking ass there!
Dumb, crazy Jim Treacher is not alone. He is a part of a very loud minority in this country that is simply wacked out of their minds. These are the people going to the town halls wearing Hitler mustaches.
Let me stop right here and explain something. I know that it's not cool to say "I'm right, and their wrong, and I'm smart and their stupid". True. That is no way to debate. And in every other circumstance that would be stupid on my part. However, this happens to be one instance where it is absolutely called for. Let me explain:
Through this email correspondence I repeatedly, over and over again, tried to get Jim Treacher to tell me which ideas he agrees with Sarah Palin on. He could not answer. I've gotten into other "debates" with these nuts, and they will never, ever give an answer to any question. They despise facts. All they will do is attack and/or blame the "msm" (main stream media) or say Obama is a socialist. They have nothing to offer in terms of a real argument for why they believe what they believe.
And that's why I'm allowed to call them dummies.
Because the truth is, I'm no big liberal. I honestly want to understand. I want to know why they like Sarah Palin, what they agree with her on. Or what they have against changing the health care system. I WANT TO KNOW! But they can't explain themselves. I would love to have a real discussion about issues, but I can't find one of these nutcases to have it with. Because they can't do it.
The real scary part is that It's not just the lunatics on the internet. It's Senators and Congressman. GOPers in Congress have actually said "I'm not going to read the health care bill, I'm just gonna vote against it". Jeez, isn't it kinda your job to read it? Maybe you should at least give it a skim?
That is stupid.
People at the town halls cry socialism and fascism and Obama is Hitler, they say that government run healthcare is evil and horrible and will lead to death panels. Then they say how much they love Medicare.
Sorry, but that's stupid.
The great Maria Bartiromo on CNBC was "debating" with Anthony Weiner (heh, weiner), congressman from New York, and said "if Medicare is so good how come you're not on it". Weiner is 45 years old... you can't get on Medicare 'till you're 65.
That's just stupid.
And we have to call it stupid, cause it is. If you're kid thinks 2+2=7, he's stupid. If Jim Treacher thinks Barack Obama is a sleeper agent, "birthed" in Kenya, that's stupid. That's not a snotty, high falutin' liberal opinion, it's a fact.
But there's nothing that you can tell these people that will change their minds. There are still "birthers" out there. They don't wanna look at the FACTS. They don't want to see proof. Barack Obama cannot be the legitimate President!
No matter what Sarah Palin does, it's awesome. Her 17 year old daughter gets knocked up, that's awesome! She quits in the middle of her first term of office, that's awesome! She invents "death panels" out of thin air, that's awesome! There's simply no changing their minds with reality and pesky facts, because they are not listening.
How do we debate crazy? I don't know. It's very frustrating though, because they are having a say in things.
This is really happening, and I'm not sure why. I guess it's mostly fear. The other side has nothing to offer, so they scare the shit out of people and it works. Times are tough, it's nice to be able blame someone. So they just blindly follow the loudest and the craziest - Glenn Beck, Hannity, O'Reilly, Treacher.
There's also the fear of a black President with a funny name. This can't be my America! It's so interesting how when there was a Republican President, it was all about "fighting the terrorists". But when there's a Democratic President, it's all about "let's become terrorists!"
I probably didn't do a great job of expressing myself, but if you just watch the video I think it sums everything up.
There's smart, and there is stupid. This is stupid at work.
p.s. I'm not positive, but i think the guy in the hat might be Jim Treacher.
Well No Shit
This headline is on the yahoo front page right now:
Huge wildfire portends bad Calif. fire season
By GREG RISLING, Associated Press Writer – 37 mins ago
Huge wildfire portends bad Calif. fire season
By GREG RISLING, Associated Press Writer – 37 mins ago
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