I tell you this because though I love twitter, I'm not a big fan of facebook. It is far less interesting. Except for one important little fact:
Pictures of people you used to know.
Twitter does not have this. And thus, visits to Facebook still happen. And I was on there recently and I happened upon (happened upon = stalking) some pictures of some friends I knew back in high school and college. Lady type friends.
It's fascinating to see people you haven't seen in 15 years now old and married with kids. And then you realize, oh, that means I'm old too. But at least I'm sad and alone! Those morons are stuck with a family.
Anyway, some of these girls were hot shit back in the day. And now a large majority of them to seem to have settled down with fat, bald guys. Yes, the prom queens are now happily married to George Constanza. This perplexes me.
Why? Because when I knew them they were basically fucking the equivalent of Tommy Lee. So my question is this:
When did that decision happen? When did they say, "all right, enough with the assholes, let's see who's gonna put a ring on it"? Was it a conscious choice? It had to be.
My friend and I came up with something called "The 6 Month Window" theory. It proposed that you (as a man) have a 6 month window to meet a girl and have it go well.
That window comes about when women are 26 years old. Before the window, they are wowed by bad boys and think their vaginas contain winning lottery tickets. After the window closes, they lose their mind about turning 30 and not being married, and realize their vagina has lost its luster.
Before the window, they will go out with you. After the window, you do not want to go out with them.
I suggest that these fat, bald guys met these girls after the window.
I would love to go back in time and show these girls pictures of the men they're going to marry. They would be horrified. Think about how great that would be:
A 23 year old girl, up in the club, looking hot, not a care in the world, occasionally she's banging Colin Farrell and Tiger Woods, and then I come from the future and show her the facebook picture - the one where she's 32 with 2 kids and married to what looks like the guy who played "The Commish".
There has to be a romantic comedy in this somehow. Unfortunately, that romantic comedy would probably star Kate Hudson.
3 comments:
you forget one thing ... many times that fat bald guy was, at one point, a stocky linebacker with only one chin, a BMOC, and the hot girl thought ... BINGO, that's it, I got the perfect fit for me, he's hot, I'm hot!
Cut to ten years later, after lots of fast food and Budweisers, the BMOC is fat with more than one chin and his forehead is winning the battle of the hairline.
Only it happened so slowly, she had no idea what was going on ...
Like my very incorrect Grandpa put it ...
You know how you cook a live frog, right? If you toss him into a pot of boiling water, he'll jump out.
If you put him in a pot of cool water and light a fire, raising the temp slowly, he'll stay there and cook without realizing the water's getting hotter.
Those babes got cooked ...
you and your friend are smart people...
Offering a woman's opinion here, I'd agree with both you and Joshua in that yes, at some point a woman places a higher premium on the male traits of responsibility, amiability and the ability to hold down a job (over hotness and wild times), and, in other cases, that she just doesn't even notice that her hot dude has become a chubster. But if they're happy, does it really matter?
For every former prom queen happily, suburban-ily married to a double chinned accountant, there's a desperate MILF wearing clothes two decades too young for her, still trying to pick up "bad boy" kitchen help/bikers or pursuing bankers her own age who are more interested in 23-year-old wannabe spokesmodels. What's worse?
I work in publishing in Canada, and it's a different, alternate-universe, weird milieu. I see a lot of 30 and 40 something, average-looking, single women/cat ladies who are STILL looking, STILL expecting to marry hot-looking, sensitive, extremely wealthy, athletic dudes their own age.... And you know they'll still be waiting in their 50s. Meanwhile, if they'd give the George Costanzas of the world a chance, they'd maybe be less angsty and sad. Maybe the ex-prom queens really are on to something.
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