I'm a twitter man. This is noteworthy because no one was more anti-twitter than me. But then I entered twitter world (for work, of course) and discovered that I loved it. Not for the things I wrote, but for the comments and links provide by the people I follow. I've found more cool shit on the internet because of twitter than anything else. It's a great resource.
I tell you this because though I love twitter, I'm not a big fan of facebook. It is far less interesting. Except for one important little fact:
Pictures of people you used to know.
Twitter does not have this. And thus, visits to Facebook still happen. And I was on there recently and I happened upon (happened upon = stalking) some pictures of some friends I knew back in high school and college. Lady type friends.
It's fascinating to see people you haven't seen in 15 years now old and married with kids. And then you realize, oh, that means I'm old too. But at least I'm sad and alone! Those morons are stuck with a family.
Anyway, some of these girls were hot shit back in the day. And now a large majority of them to seem to have settled down with fat, bald guys. Yes, the prom queens are now happily married to George Constanza. This perplexes me.
Why? Because when I knew them they were basically fucking the equivalent of Tommy Lee. So my question is this:
When did that decision happen? When did they say, "all right, enough with the assholes, let's see who's gonna put a ring on it"? Was it a conscious choice? It had to be.
My friend and I came up with something called "The 6 Month Window" theory. It proposed that you (as a man) have a 6 month window to meet a girl and have it go well.
That window comes about when women are 26 years old. Before the window, they are wowed by bad boys and think their vaginas contain winning lottery tickets. After the window closes, they lose their mind about turning 30 and not being married, and realize their vagina has lost its luster.
Before the window, they will go out with you. After the window, you do not want to go out with them.
I suggest that these fat, bald guys met these girls after the window.
I would love to go back in time and show these girls pictures of the men they're going to marry. They would be horrified. Think about how great that would be:
A 23 year old girl, up in the club, looking hot, not a care in the world, occasionally she's banging Colin Farrell and Tiger Woods, and then I come from the future and show her the facebook picture - the one where she's 32 with 2 kids and married to what looks like the guy who played "The Commish".
There has to be a romantic comedy in this somehow. Unfortunately, that romantic comedy would probably star Kate Hudson.