They are somehow getting 2 hours out of it. 2 hours of girls bitching about that bitch Courtney, no doubt.
Before we get to the women telling all, we get a "where are they now?" segment about our favorite bachelor and bachelorette's of all time! Wait, I thought that was just called the Bachelor Pad. Ah, who cares? This is good shit...
For some reason, they're all in Vegas. It's for a reunion of some sort. Mickey and Cristina are hooking up, and no one remembers who Cristina is because she's from Andrew's season, and I think that happened in the '90's.
Nick, the formerly fake blonde personal train interviews to us, and he's the guy who reads the blog and emailed me! Hey Nick, how about a heads up next time?
Frog voiced Kasey is seen in a disgusting makeout session with someone named Lisa P who was in Brad's second season. No idea who she is, but she obviously has a thing for deaf idiots.
High energy/gay/water heater aficionado Ryan P is there and as annoying as ever. They're trying to convince us that all the ladies love him. It's kinda like how my aunt and uncle try to convince my family that their son who stutters and reads encyclopedias for leisure gets laid left and right.
Frank is here. Still gay as well. He reunites with Ali. Ali pretends that they still have "intense chemistry".
Erika shits on Ali and says she's not looking her best. As opposed to Erika, who is always looking her worst.
Huge shock: Michele Money wants another round on the Bachelor Pad. I guess that acting thing or that marrying rich athletes thing isn't going so well.
That ends, and we finally see the women from this season, and they all look pretty much the same. There's usually that one girl who darkens her hair and gets bangs, but these ladies haven't made any bad decisions, other than being on The Bachelor and liking Ben.
The first montage is actually pretty funny, because it's just all clips of girls calling Blakely a prostitute. Even better, they have a camera on Blakely as she watches it. Ah, a hooker with a heart of gold, guys.
I bet they all forgot that 3 episode arc at the beginning when Blakely was the Courtney.
Jaclyn is a disgusting MONSTER. Didn't she last like 5 episodes too? How insane is that?
That's how stupid Ben is, let us never forget that.
Jennifer looks fantastic. Fuck all the haters. I love her.
Sam the Sash is all kinds of fired up. She really hates Blakely. Blakely's defense? I'm older. Can't argue with that.
Yes! Brittney says she left because "there was no attraction whatsoever to Ben". Ha ha. You didn't hear anyone saying that about Brad.
Sam the Sash is out of her mind! Why is her mouth so awful?
Chris claims that "America is still buzzing" about Shawntel showing up in San Francisco. I don't know about America, but I think I know what Jaclyn is feeling about it...
Well, now Shawntel shows up here. Jesus, have some pride in yourself. This is really getting embarrassing. It's Ben!
Holy shit! I almost forgot that Jenna is sitting right there! They haven't even mentioned her at all. Which is insane because of all the crazies in the room right now, she is far and away the craziest.
Shawntel says "things are really good back in Chico". That sentence has never been uttered before ever.
Emily doesn't seem to understand why Ben got rid of her, and thinks it was all Courtney's fault. She's not recognizing that the mere fact that Ben loves Courtney and would listen to her at all should disqualify him as someone to go out with.
Emily says sex clouded Ben's mind. A guy was thinking about sex with a girl he's gonna potentially marry? Yuck.
Vegas odds had Kasey S at 500 to 1 odds of speaking 1 word or less tonight. She's on pace for that.
Nikki goes on the hot seat, then Kacie. Nothing exciting. It almost feels like the show should pull an audible. You want Ben and Courtney to come out here and say it was all a big mistake, answer all of the questions, and then Ben takes Kacie and Nikki into the final 2 and we see what happens. But hey, who wants to make this show interesting?
It seems like Kacie, Nikki, and Emily have formed a little girl club of Ben rejects. They love each other. That's not an awesome thing to have in common, guys.
While cutting to commercial, they have a shot of Courtney pacing backstage. This is becoming professional wrestling! I can't believe they didn't have Mean Gene Okerland interviewing her back there.
I guess they're pulling a bit of an audible, they never bring back any of the final 2 girls to face the other ladies. And yet, here comes Courtney.
And the hate fest begins! While these girls had their differences earlier, they are now bonding over how much they despise Courtney. Hold the pohne! Chris says "I want to go to Kasey S...". Thus, forcing Kasey S to speak. And it's to defend Courtney. All of the other girls laugh at her.
At long last, Courtney comes out and says she's terrified. I would be too, the girls are frightening. Oh wait, that's just Jacyln's face.
Blakely: "Courtney, what did I ever do to you for you to call me a stripper?" Well, you dress like one, and oh, you actually are one.
Courtney is pretending to be all meek and humble and apologetic. She's making completely different faces than her normal mean/awesome/I'm better than everyone else faces that we are used to. She is playing a different character, it's amazing. Maybe she can have an acting career, after all.
At one point, the girls start yelling at each other, and Courtney just looks at Chris like, "see? They're the crazy bitches, not me". How does she always know what to do?
Emily yells at Courtney and she just looks up at the sky with tears in her eyes. She is fucking fantastic.
Jenna speaks! And it's to yell at Courtney. Dammit. Why is Jenna not being recognized for the psychopath she truly is?
Courtney breaks down, "I take it all back". Oh Lord. Take the Oscar away from Meryl Streep right now. Or at least away from that chick in The Help, this performance is way better.
Slip of the tongue? Courtney says she "cared for Ben...and still do". Interesting.
Oh bummer, just as Courtney leaves and the show should be over, Ben comes out. He looks as stupid as ever. Jennifer jumps in to ask him a question, and somehow shits on Blakely way worse than Courtney ever did. She goes "you picked Blakely over me, I mean, you were going to take her home to meet your mom?"
I hate the questions they're asking him. They should all just be mocking his choices and saying "don't you feel stupid now".
Ben almost flat out admits that after watching the show he realized he fucked up.
Jamie: "a lot of times it doesn't work out with whoever you choose and I still think you're fabulous". Everyone here knows that it's already over!!! This is unprecedented.
They preview the finale. And then, in the credits, the credits! they mention crazy ass Jenna. What a disgrace. You're telling me that in 2 hours of show you couldn't fit Jenna in? We learn nothing about her insanity.
Next week, this ends. Hallelujah. Goodnight!